RE: Ask, Seek, Knock
October 13, 2012 at 1:45 pm
(This post was last modified: October 13, 2012 at 1:46 pm by Ryantology.)
(October 13, 2012 at 12:40 am)Drich Wrote: So you sought God as a way to obtain the happiness you thought your friend had?
As I have no real desire to respond point-by-point to all that, I'll say that I certainly did not submit myself to the complete annihilation of self your personal interpretation of God's will demands, and I would never.
What I wanted, really, all I wanted when you boil it down, was a reason to live. What I got from God is a message saying "I couldn't care less".
So, no, I have no desire to ever try again. Your God is not worth even my contempt, let alone devotion. He wasn't there, and had I understood ahead of time that it was because he doesn't exist, I could have saved myself four years of wasted effort.
And, if in spite of all that I'm wrong and he is there, fuck him. I tried as hard as I could short of completely breaking down. If that's what he demands of me, he's a sadistic shit and I want no part of him. I still struggle with these things and probably always will, but all Christianity did was give me more reasons to hate myself, which is the very last thing I need.