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April 8, 2013 at 1:21 am (This post was last modified: April 8, 2013 at 1:24 am by Godscreated.)
(April 7, 2013 at 7:12 pm)missluckie26 Wrote:
Also since you agree with Godschilds' assessment that I missed that Christianity is about others when I went to church, I'm going to go ahead here and respond to both of you. Although, I'm pretty sure I've talked to Godschild about these matters already.
1. Studied scripture plenty, recited biblical stories verbatum since I could talk.
2. Attended Christian schools for years, homeschooled on Christian curriculum for years. One mandatory subject, called BIBLE, I excelled in. Another mandatory requirement: Reading the bible from front to back.
3. My dad gave the money out of his pocket--all of it-- and still does to this day, when he meets someone he feels would benefit from it in the name of god. For the recod, he's the one whose passively suicidal. I literally had to call the police to find him 2yrs ago because he told me he was going to stop drinking and eating and crawl in a hole and die. He, unlike me, studies the word of god every single day. And I do credit that fact to his not committing suicide directly. I also credit the bible with being his inspiration for not seeking treatment for his mental and physical maladies.
4. My mom lives her life for others, every day. She takes care of blind, deaf, mute all in one patients who live life from morning to night, vomitting on themselves and choking on their own sputum. She is their reason for waking up every morning, she sings to them and gives them that feeling of being taken care of that they so desperately need.
5. I myself grew up helping others in any way I could. My mom's clients, I helped her care for. The sickest of the sick I was able to bring smiles to their faces and happiness to their lives. In middle school I prevented a suicide. In elementary school I was strong enough to stop a horrific family wide curse in the form of telling my mom and the police what they're doing to all the women in my family when I found out it wasn't just me being victimized. Then I forgave that person 2yrs later on their deathbed from a quadruple by-pass and went to them. They didn't die. I still have a relationship with them to this day.
In highschool I volunteered every single night after school from 4pm-11pm in the nursing home, aiding my mom with her duties as a CNA. I bathed, changed, and fed the elderly, called them grandma and grandpa, held the hands of those for hours who decided it was time to stop eating, etc. Sometimes I could get them to eat, but they would die eventually. I'd sing to them. In church I would feel like those there didn't have any connection to god and that the pastor didn't have any connection to the things that I'd seen and experienced in my life thusfar, so I'd go volunteer in the nursery to escape it.
When I turned 18 I was so angry at god for so many things that I disowned him, and did all those things a free-willed teenager is going to do. Okay, no, I was on the extreme of that spectrum. I became a stripper for a little bit, I did drugs, I lived life day to day for me myself and I. I partied more than I didn't. But I still held a FT Job at mortgage company and as lead teller at a bank. I walked to work until I could afford myself a car. I was 19. I also continued with my enrollment in college, got a full ride for my grades, and was pre-med from then on with the plan of doing doctors without borders since I'd taken french in HS for four years towards that goal of aiding Africa.
And that's when I was hit with my first official 'flare' in a hereditary auto-immune disease that almost killed me. Numerous times.
I lost everything that year, my life that I'd worked so hard for on my own: my home, my car, my classes, a baby, everything. So I turned to god.
And I spent the next 6yrs in absolute hell being treated with cytoxan (mustard gas derivitive) chemotherapy. My entire family converted to god based on my faith kept during my illness. I had such trust in god that I did as my pastor and family told me to, and I decided to allow god to do his healing work on my body without the intervention of the chemotherapy medications which were not working. I got my forehead anointed with oil, and I refused treatment for six months, and I gave god my full faith like that of a child. That's when my body took a nose dive. The doctors themselves almost killed me a couple times during this time. For instance, with a chest port that was put in too deeply in my heart creating a clot on top of the fact that I was bleeding internally from the effects of my disease. Needless to say this caused an ICU visit for me for a couple days.
Laying there listening to codes that you know are life and death calls and hoping to god you don't get one of those, praying for those fights as they happen.. Crying when you find out the result. It makes you think about whether you're alone or not. I was disallusioned the moment my body gave out on me and I needed ICU revival. I'd always been told that god would be there, and he wasn't. That one fact didn't dissuade me from my faith but I never forgot it. I paid attention after that, and did as my family told me to do. I prayed for answers for four years. FOUR YEARS. And got none.
I still live my life for others to this day. And I read the bible every day too. You know when you put bible verses up? I look them up. Then I scoff because
I'm not the one who needs a reality check.
You did not share all this with me, I do feel for you and can not imagine what you've endured. I'm not judging you here, please know this. I'm making an observation, ok? 1 and 2 are things many people have done without finding God, I've seen it before, being a Christian is far more. 3 and 4 are about your Mom and Dad not yourself. Doing things for others does not necessarily make one a Christian, my brother does for others and he is not a Christian, so I've experienced this within my own family. It's a good thing that your parents are so caring, but like I said it's not you.
5 This is you and the one thing you keep saying is I, I did this, I did that. I commend you on what you did do, but by your own words God is not mentioned. My wife has worked with the dying and mentally and physically challenged for years, she includes God in this work, she says this is what God wants me to do, she allows Him to work through her. You also say that you rejected God then became ill and returned to God, again I see this as using God for yourself. Then when you nearly died and prayed for several years and did not hear from God you gave up on Him. You have been wishy washy with God and you expect Him to jump when you say, it doesn't work that way. You never said, not once, that you had turned you life over to Christ as your savior, you never said you let Christ work in and through your life, you did not say you walked in a relationship with Him. These are important things one must do if you expect to hear from God, yet He has poured out His grace on you, you are still alive. You seem to rely on and listen to everyone except God, doing for others is great, allowing God to work through you for others is the greatest. In this He is glorified and you are blessed in many different ways, will he completely restore your health, I do not know, He hasn't for me but that's ok, He has a reason and I accept this. What I do know, I have a viable relationship with God and it brings peace and blessings to me all the time. Please do not get angry as I said it's not a judgement, I'm just pointing out thing you said and the things I have experienced in my Christian walk. One thing I should have said in an earlier post was, allowing God to work through you for others is what Christianity is about, being a Christian means for the most part giving up the I in ones life.
(April 7, 2013 at 5:49 am)Maelstrom Wrote:
(April 7, 2013 at 5:45 am)Godschild Wrote: I bet like myself he sees what God does for others and rejoices in them, this is what Christianity is about, others. You must have missed that when you went to church
I shared in the fellowship of mass delusion, but thankfully I was not so far gone that my mind was completely lost to the fantasy of falsities.
You should have put your heart into it, things might have been very different and better than you could imagine.
God loves those who believe and those who do not and the same goes for me, you have no choice in this matter. That puts the matter of total free will to rest.
