I have a few questions to atheists, before I become one.

[Lek]

Deidre32, thanks a lot for the inspirational words! Hopefully I will be able to make the choice someday.
Lek, you are absolutely right about everything you said. I am in the exact same state as you described. I feel much better when I see that everything is due to my psychological disorder.
Cato-I have been learning English for 10 years, I think since 2nd grade. I have also read tons of books in English, so I have some basic understanding of English grammar. Problem is, that I might have done some mistakes in the text I wrote, so that's why I decided to warn you that English wasn't my mother language simply because I wanted to avoid some hateful replies with people criticizing my grammar. As for "ain't" I've been using this word in lots of online games I've played. I didn't understand your last statement though. Could you try to explain it?

And again, thank you all for the responses, it really, really, really helps me guys! Thanks for the support!

Your English is very good. I wish I knew a second language that well. "Ain't" is ok slang when you're hanging out with buddies, but isn't normally used in the professional world. Just some advice for you with your OCD problem. Realize that all those rituals you're going through are not what God wants. We have enough to suffer without going through the agony you're now experiencing. He knows that we can't be perfect. What he looks at is our hearts. We show our love for him by the love we show others. Talk to God like you'd talk to a parent or friend and tell him you're not going against him, but you're giving up all these rituals that are totally useless and you're putting it in his hands. Instead of looking inward, look outward. We try to live a good life and sometimes we fail and we get up and try again. He knows we're not perfect. If we were we wouldn't need him. He doesn't throw us into hell for trying. You can get through this and feel normal again.