To those who were once believers and are now atheists, some advice?

[*Deidre*]

I can understand both of those without much added context -

I had some friends who seemed to hinge their concepts of "right and good" on stupid shit - like whether or not someone else's relationship lasted. When my ex and I split, there were several people who said things like "If you guys couldn't make it, who could?!" and got into weirdly depressed conversations with me about how the world sucks and they always thought we had an inspiring relationship...and I'm like, "who the fuck are you people?"

But when people do shit like that, they prove they don't know you very well to begin with - it's a superficial knowledge based on what THEY want to see in you, not what you actually are. I would hazard the guess that your friend never cared to look deeper, just as I would hazard a guess that Cin's friend only took what superficial things he needed to get by in his own life.

I've gotten rid of a lot of those people as I've grown up too - not because they were bad or thought ill of me, but because I don't have much time for people who aren't willing to fix themselves instead of using other people as models for how life should be lived. You know? You can be inspired by someone, but you can't live your life assuming they're the guiding light, or they're just going to let you down.

This is so insightful. If you don't have a blog somewhere on the interwebz, you should. I value your advice as it just is straight and genuine. I agree with you here.

It reminds me of something someone said to me upon hearing that I don't follow Christianity anymore. "You were someone who seemed to have unshakeable faith."

I still think about that guy's comment and wonder if I really believed what I did with my whole heart or was fear a driver? I don't know.

I appreciate SO much your thoughts to all this.
:-)

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I can't help but wondered what glued us all together. Almost at times like the friendships just never happened at all.

I would think that their friendship was genuine, and that they are conflicted by what they have chosen to do, but they feel that there is no choice. It is one of the saddest ways in which religion harms people, by demanding that they put loyalty to an unconfirmed god ahead of anything and everything else. When a neighbor's dog tells David Berkowitz to kill people, society decides that he is insane. When an ancient book tells you to turn your back on a friend, society decides that you're a devout and good person who only wants what is best for your friend.

And that's just sick.

Your post made me tear up. Because it is sick...and sad.
Really glad you shared your perspective.