I am 42 years old. I have a fine arts diploma, a BFA, a BEd and am currently working on a diploma in Visual Communications. I have no job, but was recently a high school teacher for several years. I am a husband of 12 years and father to two beautiful girls aged 7 and 5. I am currently in roughly year two of severe depression and anxiety due to the recognition and acknowledgement of my failures as a human within the tiny expanse of my pathetic and insignificant existence as a spec of dust in the incomprehensible vastness of the universe(s). I have always fought (mostly subconsciously) against conformity and domesticity and against the wonderful security and simple pleasures that come with it, growing bored and self-destructive in the process. My shrink thinks I hate myself because I am never satisfied with the state I’m in, constantly in flux with my understanding of place and self, unrelenting in a battle against a meaningless existence, unable to comprehend what that means. I fear death because I don't believe in God and am terrified at the idea of nothingness. I envy those who have found God as I long for security in the choices I make, I long for faith in something. I always want more and when satiated, I destroy then move on past the rubble. I’m a cliché and I know/perpetuate it.
The latheist
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The latheist
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