In the late 1970's I got involved with some born again types and I have to say, really tried hard to believe. I think the fact that I had to "try" says something about the depth of my "belief." It was like part of me "knew" Christianity was right, but below the surface was a bubbling doubt. I'd go to Bible studies, read my Bible, pass out tracts, profess the "logic" of Evidence That Demands a Verdict, etc. Around 1980 my natural intellectual curiosity (the enemy of all religion) had me reading everything from Ayn Rand to Solzhenitsyn to Paine to The Tibetan Book of the Dead. Yet part of me TRIED to believe. Didn't work. I finally just faced up to the fact that I just don't believe it. I've never looked back.
As I've grown older and come to understand my own personality better, I've come to realize that I am not a social type person and never really liked being at church/religious meetings. I think you really need that to be a successful "believer" of any stripe. There definitely is a social dimension to it. Had I been more social, and had I surrounded myself with believers, there's a chance I would have allowed myself to be dragged deeper into it, to the point where I might have never gotten out. Fortunately, I "saw the light." To quote one of my favorite old country gospel songs (Hank Williams) -
I saw the light, I saw the light
No more darkness, no more light
Now I'm so happy, no sorrow in sight
Praise the Lord, I saw the light!
That brings up something else which I think had an impact on my "belief" - modern Christian "music" - spare me, please! The old hymns - powerful, emotional songs - might have made religion more attractive to me, but this modern stuff is crap. Although, truth be told, I really do love the songs by Faith + 1.
As I've grown older and come to understand my own personality better, I've come to realize that I am not a social type person and never really liked being at church/religious meetings. I think you really need that to be a successful "believer" of any stripe. There definitely is a social dimension to it. Had I been more social, and had I surrounded myself with believers, there's a chance I would have allowed myself to be dragged deeper into it, to the point where I might have never gotten out. Fortunately, I "saw the light." To quote one of my favorite old country gospel songs (Hank Williams) -
I saw the light, I saw the light
No more darkness, no more light
Now I'm so happy, no sorrow in sight
Praise the Lord, I saw the light!
That brings up something else which I think had an impact on my "belief" - modern Christian "music" - spare me, please! The old hymns - powerful, emotional songs - might have made religion more attractive to me, but this modern stuff is crap. Although, truth be told, I really do love the songs by Faith + 1.
