Is there anyone here that is NOT depressed?

[Nine]

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Part of the problem is that people don't have to do anything these days. You don't have to go out in the fields and tend the crops or animals if you want to eat.

People have it too easy these days so they get depressed and start moping around. If they had to struggle just to live they wouldn't have the time nor energy to get or stay depressed.

I know people are gonna flame me for saying that but fuck it because it's true.

Not flaming, but I'm curious as to where you get this expertise of yours. When I was in college, I took a full course load, worked one full-time job, and two part-time jobs. I worked, studied, and practiced (music major) to the point where I didn't have time to wallow or even be apathetic. Due to depression though, I spent seven years in college so that I could take and retake courses to bring up my GPA.

In short, your assessment is full of shit. Sorry. You shouldn't talk about things you don't know unless you're asking questions.

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Its worrying the number of people who seem to think depression and other disorders are just whiny people..

I'm going to share something I haven't told anybody at all. I'm not diagnosed with anything and don't like to do the whole self diagnoses thing, I think its disrespectful to people who are diagnosed serious problems but hopefully you will understand when I'm done. I'll try keep it from being too long but here we go..

Using hide tags for the background info if people are interested:

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Up until I was about 16 I was pretty awesome, could make friends everywhere, loved meeting and talking to people, confident and happy. Then for some reason when I left school I got into a bit of a funk. Slowly over the next couple of years when I started college (16-18) I felt nervous around people, convinced myself everyone hated me and lost every friend I had. By the time I dropped out mid way through my second year I was so freaked out by interacting with anyone I couldn't look people in the eye, buy things in shops or even make a phone call. Even responding to text messages bothered me in fear I'd mess it up.

As you could imagine that screwed me over pretty bad, I felt like crap all the time. I just felt worthless, a human that can't even interact with others. Even talking to family members was a struggle. Over the next couple of years I slowly got better at talking to people out of necessity. I could talk to people enough to get by with little bits of pre-planned small talk.

To skip through a little bit I got through evening classes and signed up to go to University. Some members here might remember me starting up. The first 3-4 months were great. I couldn't actually use the shared kitchen or talk to anyone on my floor but I had a couple friends I met before classes. I had any assignments/reading done the first couple days I had them and loved every minute of it.

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Now for the bit I haven't told anyone. Once the winter holidays [from university] came, for some reason I just felt awful. Everything just sucked. I'd either sleep for 15 hours straight or not at all. I couldn't do anything, everything from eating to browsing the internet was pointless. I couldn't even think straight. I actually stopped posting here around that time because I could barely read a sentence and understand it. I'd had similar feelings in the past few years but never this bad.

I thought my own space and getting myself back into a routine might sort me out so I went back to my student halls like 2 weeks early. It started okay. I did feel more comfortable purposely tried to spend it all relaxing. Didn't work, by the time my course started back up I was miserable again. I forced myself through another 6 months. By the last couple things were awful, my course attendance had gone from 100% to only getting myself to a handful of lectures. I was at a point where I pretty much locked myself in my room, I left only once a day at the right time to avoid seeing anybody to quickly get enough food and drink to stop my stomach hurting so I could try to sleep. When I felt up to it I'd try go to lectures I'd turn up but at this point I wasn't even me anymore, just a husk. I remember standing by a crossing waiting for the light when I saw the bus coming, I just felt drawn to step in front of it. I have no idea what stopped me. Everything left of me wanted it. Pretty much every time I saw a big drop or something big and fast I had the same urge to just end the suffering then and there.

Luckily for me I turned up to a class that had been cancelled and a friend I had been hiding from wanted to chat. I'm guessing it was pretty obvious to her I wasn't right. By the end of the walk I'd decided to drop out and move back home. I figured in the state I was in I didn't stand a chance passing anymore and I perhaps being at home would help.

Its been like 9 months since I left and honestly I'm still not great, much better than I was then. I still can't look people in the eye, talk on the phone, meet people or have friends but I can get out of bed most days and no urges to step in front of cars. Feeling hopeless, exhausted and that everything is pointless still hits me pretty often but I manage.

So maybe that gives some insight to a couple of people who don't get it. Who knows. Where's Catfish when he needs to call you a crybaby?

To anyone interested I am trying to get up the nerve to see a doctor but its kind of tricky. I honestly feel sick, sweaty and shaky with just the idea of phoning to make an appointment let alone actually talking to a doctor.

TLDR;Can't look people in the eye, talk to strangers or make phone calls. Dropped out of university when I wanted to kill myself.