How's Everyone Feeling Right Meow?
October 13, 2016 at 11:37 am
(This post was last modified: October 13, 2016 at 11:37 am by LadyForCamus.)
I have to say this to get it off my chest. Please, no one feel obligated to respond.
I've just got to get it out there somewhere because I haven't mentioned anything to anyone IRL besides my husband.
I saw the dermatologist for a routine skin check yesterday morning; they used this scanner/camera thing called MelaFind (which was pretty cool actually). It rates skin abnormalities with a numeric score that can help diagnose melanoma. Doctor came back in after the procedure and informed me that I have one dysplastic mole that has to come off (potential to turn into melanoma at some point) and another one that got a very bad score from the MelaFind that needs to be checked for malignancy...
He said it so causally that I didn't even feel alarmed, or even ask that many questions. He might as well have been telling me I'm going to have a cup of tea later. Now I'm sitting home like...WTF just happened? Did this guy just tell me at 24 weeks pregnant that I might have cancer? How the fuck am I supposed to process this? I feel fine. My baby is fine. I'm gaining the appropriate amount of weight. And...none of these facts are necessarily evidence or indicators of good health, I know.
On the one hand, I can't sit here for a week (biopsy is next Friday) crying and losing sleep, assuming some awful worst case scenario when the damn thing could be completely benign, or at such an early stage that it's completely curable with excision. My family needs me at my best right now; I can't afford to wallow. But on the other hand, I don't want to be that willfully naive person who thinks, "well, obviously it's not metastatic cancer, because, ya know...I'm special, and I'm not willing to consider such a thing." That attitude is just as bad.
I haven't told my family as I don't want to make my mom's life a living hell of worry for two weeks over nothing. So, now I'm just sitting on my ass waiting until next Friday, venting to you guys, and trying to figure out how to functionally sit on this for 7 days.
Thanks for listening everyone, hugs and love. [emoji8]
I've just got to get it out there somewhere because I haven't mentioned anything to anyone IRL besides my husband.
I saw the dermatologist for a routine skin check yesterday morning; they used this scanner/camera thing called MelaFind (which was pretty cool actually). It rates skin abnormalities with a numeric score that can help diagnose melanoma. Doctor came back in after the procedure and informed me that I have one dysplastic mole that has to come off (potential to turn into melanoma at some point) and another one that got a very bad score from the MelaFind that needs to be checked for malignancy...
He said it so causally that I didn't even feel alarmed, or even ask that many questions. He might as well have been telling me I'm going to have a cup of tea later. Now I'm sitting home like...WTF just happened? Did this guy just tell me at 24 weeks pregnant that I might have cancer? How the fuck am I supposed to process this? I feel fine. My baby is fine. I'm gaining the appropriate amount of weight. And...none of these facts are necessarily evidence or indicators of good health, I know.
On the one hand, I can't sit here for a week (biopsy is next Friday) crying and losing sleep, assuming some awful worst case scenario when the damn thing could be completely benign, or at such an early stage that it's completely curable with excision. My family needs me at my best right now; I can't afford to wallow. But on the other hand, I don't want to be that willfully naive person who thinks, "well, obviously it's not metastatic cancer, because, ya know...I'm special, and I'm not willing to consider such a thing." That attitude is just as bad.
I haven't told my family as I don't want to make my mom's life a living hell of worry for two weeks over nothing. So, now I'm just sitting on my ass waiting until next Friday, venting to you guys, and trying to figure out how to functionally sit on this for 7 days.
Thanks for listening everyone, hugs and love. [emoji8]
Nay_Sayer: “Nothing is impossible if you dream big enough, or in this case, nothing is impossible if you use a barrel of KY Jelly and a miniature horse.”
Wiser words were never spoken.
Wiser words were never spoken.