CIJS- I have been living in the darkness for so long now that I've become completely comfortable with its emptiness and solitude. I know this pain like an intimate lover. So when you come into my life flipping on light switches and asking me to be ok just for you, I'm not telling you to fuck off because I hate you I'm tell you to fuck off because I can't. When I was desperate I found a way to see safety in the familiarity of my misery. Every time you say it's not so bad and I should just think of the good things, you make me want to hide away from you. To shut you out. Happiness and love are untrustworthy emotions. I'm trying to find my own way out. When you push me to be okay, I want to push you away. When you ask me why your friendship isn't enough to save me, I want to lock you out. When you treat me like my "bad attitude" is some sort of personal slight against you, you're telling me I can't trust you. If you just bear with me, tell me that you're around if I need you. Tell me that you know I'm not okay right now, and that's ok with you. That's the kind of support I could really use right now.
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Current time: April 28, 2024, 5:08 pm
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Can I just say, and I'm just being honest...
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