CIJS -
I really wish your boyfriend/fiancé/whatever was actually, you know, supportive. I know you love him, but every time you talk about him there's a sadness in your voice as you try to play his lack of ambition and emotional support off as a joke. We both know it's not funny.
Is that why I haven't met him yet? Because you're afraid I'll see him for the loser I'm all but sure he is? That I'll be disappointed in you because you wasted the best years of your life with him? I'm already there. I love you, but every day you stay with him is a mistake. If he cared for you as you do him, he would've made a few meaningful compromises by now. Instead, it's a largely one-way relationship, with you bending over backwards with the hope of generating a genuine response from him.
You've let him skate by with justifications. Some legit, most not. And now, you're nearly 40 with nothing to show for it. Because you were willing to wait for an asshole who really doesn't care for you. Not really. A true partner wouldn't tell you to stop talking about things because you're making him sad. He wouldn't slum as a night security guard when he was a lawyer. He wouldn't make you drive an extra hour or two on a busy (and in winter, snowy/icy) highway every weekend to see him. He should, in all respects, meet you halfway.
I fear that this endeavor to build a new house will break you. I'm not convinced he's going to sell his mom's house. He has a cushy life with you being his weekend girlfriend who's willing to do just about anything to keep him happy. And even if he does, it might not turn out the way you hope. You're desperately pinning your hopes on this house. You think that if you can finally live together, all your problems will be solved. Except, he's going to be the same guy. And, deep down, I think you realize it.
I'll be here for you, regardless of what happens. I just hope he doesn't crush your heart. You've given up too much already.
I really wish your boyfriend/fiancé/whatever was actually, you know, supportive. I know you love him, but every time you talk about him there's a sadness in your voice as you try to play his lack of ambition and emotional support off as a joke. We both know it's not funny.
Is that why I haven't met him yet? Because you're afraid I'll see him for the loser I'm all but sure he is? That I'll be disappointed in you because you wasted the best years of your life with him? I'm already there. I love you, but every day you stay with him is a mistake. If he cared for you as you do him, he would've made a few meaningful compromises by now. Instead, it's a largely one-way relationship, with you bending over backwards with the hope of generating a genuine response from him.
You've let him skate by with justifications. Some legit, most not. And now, you're nearly 40 with nothing to show for it. Because you were willing to wait for an asshole who really doesn't care for you. Not really. A true partner wouldn't tell you to stop talking about things because you're making him sad. He wouldn't slum as a night security guard when he was a lawyer. He wouldn't make you drive an extra hour or two on a busy (and in winter, snowy/icy) highway every weekend to see him. He should, in all respects, meet you halfway.
I fear that this endeavor to build a new house will break you. I'm not convinced he's going to sell his mom's house. He has a cushy life with you being his weekend girlfriend who's willing to do just about anything to keep him happy. And even if he does, it might not turn out the way you hope. You're desperately pinning your hopes on this house. You think that if you can finally live together, all your problems will be solved. Except, he's going to be the same guy. And, deep down, I think you realize it.
I'll be here for you, regardless of what happens. I just hope he doesn't crush your heart. You've given up too much already.