(August 20, 2018 at 9:38 pm)Catholic_Lady Wrote: LFC, they tell me as though they either don't think it effects me at all, or as though telling me is somehow easier on me than allowing me to find out on Facebook or through word of mouth. I don't know why they would think that. Because then I have to be like "Oh wow, congratulations, I'm happy for you." ...if I found out on Facebook or something, I can just hide their post from my timeline and not have to say anything, which is obviously easier. And yeah, this whole thing has made me realize how un intuitive and just stupid most people are. People will talk to me about their kids/babies like nothing ever happened to me. And like I'm not dealing with subsequent infertility and the probability that I will never have another child apart from the one who died.
No, I don't tell people it hurts me.
Maybe they expect me to be the type of better person who would actually be happy for them. Maybe it's my issue that I'm not, I don't know.
You're not a bad person for feeling sad and resentful that the people around you are living a life you may never have, especially if - intentionally or not - they flaunt it around you. While I've never experienced the crushing despair of losing a child, I know that other pain all too well. I wish I could tell you that it eventually fades away, but it doesn't. I've learned to compartmentalize and distract myself, but there are definitely times when life will remind me of the things I can never have or do. And the feeling is just as raw now as it's always been.
I really do wish I had something more positive to tell you, but all I can really say is that I understand at least a part of what you're feeling. And that I'm definitely willing to lend an ear if you want to talk.
"I was thirsty for everything, but blood wasn't my style" - Live, "Voodoo Lady"