I am very confused...

[Jenny]

Hi everyone,

This is my first post here... I hope it's not too "dark". :-) Lately, I have been facing some issues that I really need to share with someone. I can't tell it to someone around me because it would be kind of weird (for them).

I have been born and raised as a strong believer in God. I was really a good "God's slave" up until I turned like 20 years old. Then, I lost faith. I stopped doing all the things I used to do before; Before, I was afraid of God, had limits in everything... but now, nothing. I think I changed. It feels like I unchained myself. I pushed God away from myself. Anyway, long story short, I am an atheist now.

So what's the issue? Before, when I was a believer, I had something to lean on to, something to "hold". I had something that guided me, something that pushed me to do things (good things like study and whatever), my life had some order.
Now, as an atheist, I don't feel like I have to do anything. You know, I've got nothing to hold on to. I hope I clarified this enough.

Anyway, a question for all of you atheists. Is there anything that you have that can substitute God? Something that you lean on to? Something that's sacred and something that you hold on to what keeps together? I gotta find that something.

[leo-rcc]

Hi Jenny, welcome to the forum.

Just so I get this straight, you thought your only reason to study was because of God? How about studying to get ahead in life, to get a better grasp on things that are a real benefit in your life?

As for a substitute for a god. You are using this god as an invisible undetectable crutch. When you realize that crutch is just your imagination you will realize that the only one to give credit to or put blame on is you. I don't "lean on" anything or anyone. My successes are my own accomplishments, my failures are my own shortcomings.

Atheism doesn't do "leaning on to", it is nothing more than a disbelief in gods. Life is what you make of it.

If you think that is too hard, well reality can be hard, it doesn't make it any less real.

[Kyuuketsuki]

Hi Jenny,

There is a certain comfort in belief but that does not make it true however I suspect the difficulty you are experiencing is not so much no further reliance on a god but that you now feel like an outsider and I admit that can be troublesome, it must be worse when you live in a community where belief is strong (something I've never had).

Personally, like I tell my kids, I think the thing to do is start to understand why you are an atheist, to be able to justify it if you're challenged. I mean the really marvellous thing about humans is that, although we function better as a society with rules, as individuals we don't need them because we create our own goals, envisage our own aspirations ... we're goal setting animals! Sure we lean on friends and family from time to time and it certainly helps to know there are others like us out there (even if we're just virtual) but in essence we end up leaning on ourselves.

So maybe (just a suggestion), instead of feeling unhappy (that's not a criticism, just an observation) you could start figuring what you want to do with your life, where you want to go, who you want to be.

And as I said to someone else ... whilst this isn't something we can directly help you with we're here and we will always be willing to help you in whatever virtual way we can.

Kyu

[athoughtfulman]

Jenny, welcome to this forum!

I know what you mean. I grew up going to church and only abandoned it a little over a year ago, but it's taking me a long time to adjust. Sure, it's easy enough to think about it, but there are all sorts of feelings attached to religion and subconscious beliefs which reside well after you've discarded the actual belief.

What has helped me tremendously is learning about why I believe what I believe. So if you say you don't believe in god, go out and start finding out why, beyond your personal reasons, you shouldn't believe in god. The more you learn about the world and why it can exist in such a tremendously beautiful state with god, the more comfortable you will become without god.

Also, spend time thinking about it. Work through your feelings associated with god, and figure out what needs to be resolved and what doesn't.

As for a substitute for god, there is none. That's precisely why we are called atheists. If we were leaning on something, we'd be something other than an atheist, perhaps a theist or deist. But as it is, we have no belief in god. What that means is that all that we believe in is provable by demonstrable evidence. And as yet, there is no demonstrable evidence of something similar to a 'god' we can lean on.

What it comes down to is a choice. Either you choose to forever wish you had something to lean on, or you choose to live your life, following evidence and reason to its consequential end. You can choose to look for comfort over reason, or you can face the facts, live in the midst of reality.

One of the most profound feelings I have felt which has come through exploring atheism is one of liberation. There was a time when I had to look at everything through a certain framework, that is, the christian worldview. However now, I am 100% completely free to critique anything, explore anything, and evaluate anything on the basis of it's own merits. Rather than being bound by a set belief, I can comfortably be open and free about who I am.

In time, I think you'll find atheism much more comforting than an outdated idea which is irrelevant in a 21st century society.

Take your time; don't expect it to all happen at once. Make it a priority to read a book about atheism once a month, or once a fortnight, and you'll come round.

Good luck!

[Jenny]

Leo-rcc, Kyu, athoughtfulman: Thank you very much!! I really appreciate you taking the time to answer.

I realized that I've been pressured with other things in life, and I guess I needed something to "hold on to", as I said earlier, but that's not actually what I need. My life is standing still at the moment, so probably that's what caused this.

One of the most profound feelings I have felt which has come through exploring atheism is one of liberation. There was a time when I had to look at everything through a certain framework, that is, the christian worldview. However now, I am 100% completely free to critique anything, explore anything, and evaluate anything on the basis of it's own merits. Rather than being bound by a set belief, I can comfortably be open and free about who I am.

Yes, athoughtfulman, you are absolutely right about this. Liberation is awesome!

[fr0d0]

Faith can give you freedom from the 'me' culture. You're not doing stuff for 'you' all the time, but for others instead. Obviously this is contrary to our current secular culture. I think what you need is an outlet for your generosity and to learn that outside theism there can also be selfless dedication without personal glory.

[Kyuuketsuki]

Faith can give you freedom from the 'me' culture. You're not doing stuff for 'you' all the time, but for others instead. Obviously this is contrary to our current secular culture. I think what you need is an outlet for your generosity and to learn that outside theism there can also be selfless dedication without personal glory.

I think that there are as many religious people out there being selfish as atheist ... I don't think selflessness and religion are in any way linked.

Kyu

[LukeMC]

Faith can give you freedom from the 'me' culture. You're not doing stuff for 'you' all the time, but for others instead.

@fr0d0
If theistic faith can be said to free us from a self-centered culture then so can anything. Theistic faith doesn't make you do everything for others (I'd argue you do everything for God) any more than secular atheism does. Whether or not your believe in a deity should have no effect on your altruistic nature. I've run my own charity event to help folk in the niger delta without a god patting me on the back for it. I did it from my own personal will, strength and desires but my purpose was to help those less fortunate. When we talk about doing things for ourselves we don't mean being completely and utterly selfish in every sense of the word. In the context we use this, we mean to find your own strength and do it because you want it and you think it is right- not because of or with help from any mythological beings.

I think what you need is an outlet for your generosity and to learn that outside theism there can also be selfless dedication without personal glory.

@Jenny
I agree with fr0d0 here but it goes without saying really. You don't need a god to push you to do good things. It's a problem found in all the abrahamic religions and western society in general- always looking for help from the outside. If you look into eastern philosophies like taoism you'll find they teach a different story- that the strength comes from within and you should search within yourself for the answers.
Obviously this is within the context of moral strength, personal integrity and finding your way.

Anyway, moving on from that, I think I'm going to take a different approach to your questions, perhaps in spite of everything everyone else has said.

I think you can substitute God in some sense at least. I know I do. If you need something to fall back on to pick you up and something by which to base your life and give foundation to your motivations and goals, feel free. Just remember it doesn't have to be a god at all. You don't need a babysitter nor a parent-like figure to worship and appease, so in this particular sense i suppose god cannot be replaced.

However, here is what gives my life meaning and picks me out of the slums to exceed myself and try harder to make something of myself:

http://img25.imageshack.us/my.php?image=yeargrid.gif

This is a year grid. Looking at it like that makes it seem so small, so contained. Each day you can tick off another box and watch as the grid gets more and more full of ink. Each box you tick off is a full day you will never be able to reclaim as long as you live- it is gone. We know that we only have a finite amount of days and soon enough our time on this planet will be over. This urgency, this sense of imminence is what drives me to make the absolute most of each day as it comes so that my grid won't be a bunch of ticks with no meaning- my grid will be filled with exciting and enriching experiences from january 1st until december 31st.

This is the only life we get and it is our choice as to how we live it and what we make of it (exceptions occur of course eg. africans don't get much choice, iraqis dont necessarily get to make anything of themselves, but within the context of western society). It's quite simple really- if you enjoy feeling happy and fulfilled, pursue these things. If you're grateful for the opportunity to pursue them, help others pursue similar things and give a chance to those who otherwise wouldn't get one (help the africans, the innocent iraqis, homeless people, poor people). If anything, atheism opens a window to beautiful revelations when we realise this is all we get. Make the most of it for yourself and help others make the most of it for their selves. If you feel down and as if you don't have much of a purpose anymore, remember the grid. Your time is ticking- why waste it all feeling sorry for yourself? Light up and shine, enjoy your life and make a difference

Sorry for the essay and welcome to the forum

[Jenny]

LukeMC, thank you very much for your essay. I read it in one breath. :-)

You really summed it all up nicely, and I learned an important thing (or you made me remember it) -- Carpe diem.

Thank you again.

[WWLD]

As an atheist I don't need anything to "lean on". I have a future to look forward to.

Because I don't believe in an after-life or reincarnation, I feel that this is my only life, and therefore I'm not going to let it go to waste. I try to make it the best life I can have. That's what motivates me to study, learn, work, love, think and just get out of bed in the morning.

Please, don't feel like you need something to "lean on" to live your life. Just live your life because you HAVE a life.

WELCOME