Custody Battle Update Thingy

[Erinome]

If by child-like mind you mean that I lacked guidance throughout my youth, and now as an adult I have had to figure things out the hard way, you're right. I have had to learn life lessons by making mistakes. I am not ashamed of that. Statistically I should be a junkie, vapid and wasting away in some shack and on food stamps. I had a hard childhood, and I had to learn how to become self-sufficient, not only for myself, but for all the people who depended on me for survival. Instead of shrugging off responsibilities that shouldn't have been mine, I took control of my life. I was a virgin the first time I ever gave a lap dance, and at that moment, completely naive to the world, and I made some horrific, although well-intended mistakes, but I never let life knock me to the ground. My sisters graduated at the top of their classes, because they had me pushing them, and guiding them the best that I knew how. A luxury I didn't get. That's why they aren't strippers. That's why one of them is months away from being a doctor of veterinary science, and the other is a school teacher.

I never loathed dancing, there were times early on when it made me uncomfortable, but eventually I came to enjoy it. I also put myself through college and earned a degree in psychology. I am still putting myself through college, and have saved money very responsibly since I was 18, when a child-like mind would think to squander it.

I think there is no dignity in being ashamed of yourself. I would only be ashamed of myself if I had hurt someone in some way, and I have hurt some people, and I am ashamed of that. I am not ashamed of utilizing my youth and physical form to fund my dreams. Being a stripper was never my dream, but it has helped me get closer to my dreams than anyone believed I would.

I understand that you have different ideas about what is culturally acceptable, mehmet, all I have been trying to explain to you is that things are much different here, and regardless of anyone's personal opinions about how I've lived my life, I am proud of myself every day for where I started, to where I am now and everything in between. It's not the mistakes that one makes that define the person, it's how they handle the consequences of the mistakes. If a person wants to define me by my mistakes, they can do that, but I don't have to do that, and I refuse to do that.

[kılıç_mehmet]

If by child-like mind you mean that I lacked guidance throughout my youth, and now as an adult I have had to figure things out the hard way, you're right.

Indeed. However, I might also be wrong, as I only know a small part of your life story.

I have had to learn life lessons by making mistakes. I am not ashamed of that.

Well, that is the part where your parents should be ashamed of. After all, elders are there to share their experience with the young, and teach them about life before they have a chance to get burned.

Statistically I should be a junkie, vapid and wasting away in some shack and on food stamps.

I'm glad you aren't, it's good that you made it. Hopefully your children won't either.

I never loathed dancing, there were times early on when it made me uncomfortable, but eventually I came to enjoy it. I also put myself through college and earned a degree in psychology. I am still putting myself through college, and have saved money very responsibly since I was 18, when a child-like mind would think to squander it.

Well, the *child like* part I saw in your mind wasn't really your way of handling situations.
By the way, my sister too is majoring in psychology. I hope you graduate soon.

I think there is no dignity in being ashamed of yourself.

Well, the thing is not to do things that will indignify you as a person before others.
I'm not going to say "whether you accept it or not", as I see that it only brings forth more discussions, but I've stated my opinion already.
But at the end, it comes down on if you can live with it or not. If you can, fine by me.But that is easy for me to say, aleia. That is easy for me to say.

I would only be ashamed of myself if I had hurt someone in some way, and I have hurt some people, and I am ashamed of that. I am not ashamed of utilizing my youth and physical form to fund my dreams. Being a stripper was never my dream, but it has helped me get closer to my dreams than anyone believed I would.

Well, it comes down to how you choose to deal with it.
I'm not going to comment any further.

I understand that you have different ideas about what is culturally acceptable, mehmet, all I have been trying to explain to you is that things are much different here, and regardless of anyone's personal opinions about how I've lived my life

Well, I'm trying to understand about the differences that we have culturally between your part of the world, and mine, but I think that we do have a set threshold under which certain things are not socially acceptable. I think that making something that is not socially acceptable as socially acceptable is not the way of handling things.
I rather have a world where no woman has to work as a stripper or as a prostitute. Not a world where being one is regarded as normal, or anywhere near acceptable. For that makes it less of a problem, and something to be disregarde, and not solved at all.
And once again, I do understand that you're telling me that you did what you had to. True.

I am proud of myself every day for where I started, to where I am now and everything in between. It's not the mistakes that one makes that define the person, it's how they handle the consequences of the mistakes. If a person wants to define me by my mistakes, they can do that, but I don't have to do that, and I refuse to do that.

I am not certain what defines the person at all. I define people according to my own set of values and thoughts. For I cannot stay true to a creed by means of relativism. I know that you maybe don't understand me, but it certainly is of no matter.
Let's leave it at that.

[Violet]

You're doing awesomely, Alei

I do wonder if most people in such situations give up... and if they don't: what keeps them going?

[Tempus]

I've been watching this thread for a while now. Some of my assumptions coming into this (which I didn't even realise I'd made) have been challenged since reading through. You've accomplished a lot and screwed up too, but you're not overly self-congratulatory or self-debasing about either. So few people are like that and it's a great to see you're one of them. You seem like a really good person, aleia - I hope things go well for you.

[Erinome]

thanks, Temp and Vae.

[KichigaiNeko]

Go for it Honey!!

So glad that you have made it this far and with what?? Certainly nothing from puny little man thingy's looking after you!

Can't wait to hear the ruling.... then you can be done with this excuse for a sperm bank.

[Erinome]

Go for it Honey!!

So glad that you have made it this far and with what?? Certainly nothing from puny little man thingy's looking after you!

Can't wait to hear the ruling.... then you can be done with this excuse for a sperm bank.

Haha! Thanks, kich! Men have never done anything but slow me down. I don't hate men, I actually really adore them, but I have picked some real freaking losers. I'm working on that. lol

[KichigaiNeko]

Go for it Honey!!

So glad that you have made it this far and with what?? Certainly nothing from puny little man thingy's looking after you!

Can't wait to hear the ruling.... then you can be done with this excuse for a sperm bank.

Haha! Thanks, kich! Men have never done anything but slow me down. I don't hate men, I actually really adore them, but I have picked some real freaking losers. I'm working on that. lol

Been there ...done that. Can relate, on a personal level, to what you are going through.

But let's face facts...most males (generalisation I know) are nothing more than walking sperm banks. The delivery may vary, but the end result is the same = lousy fathers.

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Hoping you don't have to wait till you're 46 - 50 to find that ONE who loves you no matter what.