Introductions

[FemmeRealism]

My name is Jenni. I am a fourteen year old girl born into a christian family. I am bisexual and only my dear friends know. I was told I was unwelcome in Sunday school from a very young age, as I asked a lot a questions that nobody could answer. At age twelve I started questioning the existence of God. At thirteen I picked up and read the Bible (past page six where I gave up earlier.) I decided I didn't agree. I started following the Greek gods as a Pagan, as the gods made more sense, but again I wasn't satisfied. I turned to atheism and started pondering physics, and instantly fell in love with godlessness. I try talking about science with people but I've yet to meet anybody, my age or above that thinks/understands how/what I do. I have depression and have in the past considered suicide, but I didn't do it because I dream of moving out of the U.S.A. and settling in Oxford, where I hope to attend and then have a career in biophysics at the University. I have no friends that are atheists and no friends that accept my atheism, and thusly nobody that I can talk to. Nobody I know questions the Universe like I do, nor can understand me when I "ramble," as I'm told I do, about the physical sciences. I feel very alone most of the time and tend to lock myself in my room, writing, reading, playing an instrument such as the saxophone or flute or reading borrowed college textbooks. My loneliness has a serious effect on my depression and I have cut myself in the past.
I always approach a new concept with reason and logic, thinking practically until I either prove or debunk said new theory.
Greetings.

[Rayaan]

You'll probably make some friends sooner or later. Don't be depressed about your loneliness. Just keep doing whatever things that you are interested in.

Welcome to the forum.

[Jackalope]

Welcome!

[Angrboda]

Welcome. I can relate to much of what you shared. Not the rejection for my religious beliefs, but the depression, intellectual isolation, the cutting. I have schizo-affective disorder, and so depression, delusions and basic mental illness has been a fixture in my life from a very young age. Though I'm both Taoist and Hindu, Taoism is my center, which, true is a form of mysticism, but it's also about how to make one's way in the world, and so is essentially devoid of many of the features of revealed religions. Anyway, now I'm rambling. I'm sorry you feel lonely. That's an emotion I basically don't have. But I suspect, as others have suggested, that, while that may never go away, you may grow into being able to deal with it in ways such that it no longer is such a stressor. (I'm not familiar with loneliness, but being diagnosed with a mental illness is at first very traumatic and stressful, but over time, you learn how to manage the stressors. I lost nine of my ten fingers four years ago. In the first few months afterward, I couldn't imagine myself doing the things I had done before losing the fingers. However, over time, I gained more perspective both in terms of the ability I still had, but also in terms of a more appropriate perspective about what I could no longer do. I can't write, and I was studying two foreign languages at the time. After losing the ability to write, I decided learning those languages was unrealistic. I would love to be learning languages again, but, I don't miss it — I've learned to fill that space with other things, and am able to do most of the things I did prior to the amputations. (Maybe I'm not making any sense; loneliness is, indeed, a tough nut to crack.)

Anyway, I just wanted to affirm the value of reason and logic. I'm not a particularly rational thinker myself, but I'm told reason and logical thinking are great assets. So, you're equipped!

[Kayenneh]

Hi and welcome to AF!

Your story seems familiar, I can relate to being ostracized because of asking too many and hard questions and being too smart.

As for the suicidal part and the cutting, I have several friends, who have been down that path. I know it might be a small consolation, but they have all managed to overcome the pain, moved away from their narrow-minded tiny towns and pursued their dreams. I am convinced that you can do it too. Remember, no matter how lonely things get, if you can rely on yourself you have a safe haven in your own mind. No one can hurt you there, unless you invite someone to do so. You might not have any atheist friends yet, but you are more than welcome to stay with us.

Locking yourself in your room might be especially bad if you're an extrovert, but the internet is at least a small lifeline to other people. Otherwise I dare say that you spend your time well. You play the sax and the flute? That's awesome! I never even managed to get a decent sound out of a saxophone, though I tried several times.

I say go to Oxford to study physics, otherwise come to Finland, where university education is basically free, all you have to do is learn some Finnish or Swedish beforehand

[jonb]

Evil butterfly
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6JIZGW7Krh0
You're great you'll make this forum a better place

[KichigaiNeko]

Everyone has gone through this Jenni.... at least here on this forum.

Don't give up. You have found a haven here for your questions and there are even some answers. Even the theists here will give you an answer as to WHY you reject their theories.

little one.... take a seat and dive into any discussion you care to contribute to.

[pgrimes15]

Welcome to the forum. Keep working at your goal of going to Oxford. You will find that your lack of belief is not an issue, indeed you will find religion barely mentioned at all. In the UK it is Christians who have to seek each other out if they want like minded friends.

Hit the books though, it is not easy to get into Oxford.

Regards

Grimesy

[SkepticalMoron]

I can totally relate to this post.

I was raised into a very christian home and accepted atheism when I was 15. over the past year, I have become SO DAMN STRESSED with living in this kind of family (I became an atheist in the spring of this year). Because I was so stressed, I fell into two major depressions and many suicidal threats in between. in May of this year I was hospitalized with major depression. Many years before, I was diagnosed with anxiety disorder. As depressed as I was, I was never turning back to Christianity...or any religion.

I've only told ONE person that i'm an atheist - and he's a theist who hates his previous religion (Christianity). I've also hinted to my parents that I'm atheist (like saying "I'd rather burn in hell then go to church" and so on...)

I also am quite an introvert and isolate myself in my room, looking at my iTouch, or on my laptop, videos on YT, FB, etc...

i also want to move to the UK as well (USA sucks balls!!!)

[Silas Stingy]

Hi, Jenni!

I declared my atheism at age 14 and tossed a copy of the Bible into a wastepaper basket at school to the shock and horror of my classmates. That was the beginning of a long and rewarding journey but I do recall that it was lonely at first. Was no internet then, either. But, after a few years I knew lots of fellow atheists and I lhad earned to live among the savage believers unaffected by their voodoo ways. You're obviously very smart so I expect you will learn much faster.