How do you make the door to door religious people go away?

[Napoléon]

Any suggestions on dealing with them?

Shotgun and ammunition.

[Cyberman]

Such creatures are rare for this neck of the woods too. It may have something to do with living in a block on a tenant-managed estate of private flats with a bloody big electronically-locked security door and caretakers not only on site but based in our block, but I can count on the fingers of Tee-Hee's bad hand the number of encounters we've had actually at the door. They generally tend to prefer hunting in packs - often VERY LOUDLY - in the town centre, though oddly enough only when the weather's agreeable (you'd think their god would want them evangelising in bad weather as well, really, considering 'he' made it).

Anyway, here's another sign you could try on your door:



Alternatively you could try following the example of the hero in this little tale. It does look a little daunting but trust me it's well worth the effort. Plus I've heard legends about people who've answered their door in flagrante delicto and often stark naked with obvious physical evidence of interruption. Works with brush salesmen as well.

[Minimalist]

Draw a chalk outline of a body on your driveway and sprinkle a couple of copies of "The Watchtower" around it.

[Rev. Rye]

Maybe you should create a "Jehovah's Witness Protection Program" sign. Maybe that'll work, and if it doesn't, at least it'll be clever.

[jonb]

I only get jehovers, I always offer a friendly welcome, I stand that little bit too close, and when I draw them in, I always give them a cup of tea filled to the very top so the slightest movement will cause it to spill, on a saucer then I give them a plate with biscuits or a small cake and tell them not to put it down because the dog will have it. Then I sit down next to them, close, very close, and stare into their eyes with a wide smile. I find friendly nudges and little taps on the hand help build up the friendly atmosphere, and at the right point, I draw the curtains complaining the bright light hurts my eyes, and then snuggle back down next to them attentively.
To stop them from moving I have found it expedient to bring out my collection of old large and heavy art books which I place on their laps so they can admire some religious painting or other. This effectively stops them from getting up as their hands are full, and so they cannot move the book, also it allows me to lean across them intimately and turn the pages of the book on their knees.
To add to this I find having the television, radio, and some music playing at the same time can be conducive. Added to that using hand signals to Tony my dog to make him bark at them from time to time can make the average christian feel like a honoured guest.


I have found the amount of sweat a human can produce in these circumstances, is greater than that produced by a marathon runner.

[TaraJo]

They generally tend to prefer hunting in packs - often VERY LOUDLY - in the town centre, though oddly enough only when the weather's agreeable (you'd think their god would want them evangelising in bad weather as well, really, considering 'he' made it).

We get those, too, but the only church that seems to do it are the black Hebrew Isrealites (or, as I like to call them, the church of God-hates-white-people).

Plus I've heard legends about people who've answered their door in flagrante delicto and often stark naked with obvious physical evidence of interruption. Works with brush salesmen as well.

That one would be REALLY interesting for me. I might try it; I mean, I have zero modesty. I guess the only thing holding me back is the fact that I live in a small apartment complex and any possibility of me passing is thrown right out the window as soon as one of them sees me sans pants.

[Oldandeasilyconfused]

Saturday morning,circa 1959.

Knock of the door, I answer

Dad (yelling from other room) " Who is it son?"

Me (yelling back) "Jw's dad"


Dad (louder) "Get the dog out!"

Dad had a strong dislike of Jw's, from the time one told him that he was not a true Christian because he was a Catholic. Unfortunately for them, the time before that, dad was in the garden watering. He turned the hose on them. They were more innocent times.

My bro would simply answer the door in the nude.


ME? They get between 15-30 seconds,long enough to identify them. Then I say,"not interested thank you," AND CLOSE THE DOOR.

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Draw a chalk outline of a body on your driveway and sprinkle a couple of copies of "The Watchtower" around it.

I've actually been thinking of a sign for my front door;



"FORGET ABOUT THE PIT BULL: BEWARE OF THE OWNER"

[Tempus]

I toyed with the idea of leaving gay porn magazines just peaking out from beneath the doormat. Answering the door naked would be fun, but it probably wouldn't help if they're from different places each time. Maybe you could leave a large parcel outside (with anything in it) and label it in such a way as to give the impression there's strange, wonderful and very large sex toys inside.

[Sciwoman]

Last time it happened at our house, my husband slammed the door in their faces. He wasn't in the mood for bs that day.

[Shell B]

Tell them that Satan beat them to it, give them the crazy eye, close the door and then walk inside shouting profanities and such loud enough that they can hear you outside.

Something like, "No, master. Jehovah's Witnesses don't taste good. Really? All right, I'll invite the next one in."