God Loves Me, Too

[Godscreated]

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If your God is really as good and loving as you say, then God should love me even though I am an atheist and a lesbian. I didn't choose either. Why would God punish me for that? And God should love sex and love that we have it, because sex feels good and is good for us. He shouldn't put all these weird restrictions on it.

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Belief in those restrictions just makes me think that the point of religion is to control people, and by remaining theists and maintaining those values, you are allowing yourself to be controlled.

What you are calling restrictions Christians see as guidelines and thus we see our lives being guided not controlled. Yes we allow ourselves to be guided, it is part of having a relationship with God our Savior.

[festive1]

My former-minister, father-in-law (who also provided marriage counseling for members of his congregation) on my wedding day: The two biggest things married couples fight about, money and sex. If you can agree on those, you're set!
Sex isn't the end all, be all for a marriage. However, if one or both partners are unsatisfied it's not gonna last.

[Kayenneh]

What you are calling restrictions Christians see as guidelines and thus we see our lives being guided not controlled. Yes we allow ourselves to be guided, it is part of having a relationship with God our Savior.

That's fair, everyone is allowed to live their lives as they see fit, but why do a lot of people still judge other's and doesn't let them live their lives in peace as well?

[thesummerqueen]

Only if you think sex is the most important part of a married relationship.

You don't have to think it's the most important part. I think communication is. Right underneath it is a handful of other things that are incredibly important to a relationship, of equal value, and sex is one of them.

[John V]

You don't have to think it's the most important part. I think communication is. Right underneath it is a handful of other things that are incredibly important to a relationship, of equal value, and sex is one of them.

If the communication's good, the sex probably is too. When one person is unsatisfied, it's usually because they don't communicate what they want.

[Faith No More]

Atheists always say,"Yes but I can be good without God." But these same people, generally, are not good because they love God or their neighbor as themselves. Their good is self-referential and not true good. They are good only to secure their own benefit, i.e. tit for tat, and are motivated only by preserving earthly goods. They love themselves and the things of this world, like reputation, material gain, and hedonistic pleasures.

Evidence? Methinks you are judging people without sufficient knowledge. There is a word for that.

I mean, I'm all for hedonistic pleasures, but as far as loving them, they're very far down the list of things that are important to me like my family and being nice to others.

Hell is hell, in part because the good refuse to define their lives by love of self and the world. People in Hell choose to go and remain there because they continue to pursue what they believe are the highest goods. They believe falsities are truths and evils are goods because they do not believe in God. And if asked, they would say they like it there because they get to pursue all the things they loved in life, even though they fail to attain them, since it places them in constant conflict with the other residents of Hell.

In other words, they're in hell because they don't believe as I do and place importance where I do. I do like the fact, however, that you are appalled enough by the idea of hell that you feel the need to lay the responsibility for people being stuck there on those people themselves. But let's not kid ourselves. You could be the greatest person to walk the earth short of your savior himself and god would still send you to hell for not believing in him, or are you saying that a good person that loves others as he/she should would not go to hell despite not believing?

Despite this, God's mercy extends even into the depths of Hell. First, he does not take away free-will or intellect, since these are what make us human. Secondly, He prevents people in Hell from totally destroying each other from their need to control and use each other in the pursuit of what the mistakenly believe is good and true.

Your need to paint your god as merciful despite all the evidence to the contrary is telling.

[Kayenneh]

If the communication's good, the sex probably is too. When one person is unsatisfied, it's usually because they don't communicate what they want.

That is true, but sometimes despite good communication persons can have different sex drives, and no amount of discussion is gonna solve that.

[Faith No More]

What you are calling restrictions Christians see as guidelines and thus we see our lives being guided not controlled. Yes we allow ourselves to be guided, it is part of having a relationship with God our Savior.

Why then do you insist that everyone be "guided" just as you are?

[thesummerqueen]

Here's some nice anecdotal evidence for you:

Before I got sick and tired of hearing a bunch of bullshit and being swept up into other people's drama, I was friends with many, many people who were 10-15 years older than me. I've since stopped being friends with many of them because it got stressful, but that's a story for another day.

Regardless, most of those people liked to confide in me. I must present a much more pleasant face IRL than I do here, because people are always telling me that they feel incredibly at ease in doing the confiding to me. Or maybe it's because I give it to them straight. Who knows. Anyway, I heard a lot of things. Infidelity. Dark thoughts. Complaints. Shelved dreams. Yada yada.

Festive is right. Money and sex are ridiculously important. Not because people wanted more money, but because they would feel that 1) someone wasn't pulling their weight...2) They were getting badgered about not pulling their weight... 3) The economic fall the US took made a lot of people incredibly frightened financially, which bled into fights in the home... 4) One partner was trying to live by principles the other partner didn't agree with (such as starting a new business rather than working for a well-paying corporation they didn't like). In sex, someone might not be getting as much as they wanted...or the kind that they wanted.

John, I unhid your response and I'll answer you:

You are only partially correct. Communication is key if both partners like the same type of sex in making sure that everyone is happy. But what happens when you're in a relationship like mine where I have darker urges than my boyfriend? If he were any less awesome in all other areas beyond sex (and I promise you, the vanilla sex is pretty bang-smack fuckin' awesome as it is), it's quite possible I'd leave to try and find someone who shared my tendencies towards BDSM.

Communication, as well as other factors, continues to resolve this difference between us...but it's a hefty difference.

[John V]

That is true, but sometimes despite good communication persons can have different sex drives, and no amount of discussion is gonna solve that.

Sure it will. Such discussion will lead to a reasonable compromise if both people are acting in love. I have a greater sex drive than my wife. She lets me paw at her sometimes when she doesn't really want it.

Also note that sex drives are not constant through life, so even if people go into a marriage knowing that they are compatible in drive, there's no guarantee that will always be the case. It probably won't be the case.

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Festive is right. Money and sex are ridiculously important. Not because people wanted more money, but because they would feel that 1) someone wasn't pulling their weight...2) They were getting badgered about not pulling their weight... 3) The economic fall the US took made a lot of people incredibly frightened financially, which bled into fights in the home... 4) One partner was trying to live by principles the other partner didn't agree with (such as starting a new business rather than working for a well-paying corporation they didn't like).

Studies show that happiness is strongly correlated with happiness up to a household income of $75,000 or so. After that, not so much.

John, I unhid your response and I'll answer you:

LOL. Why?

You are only partially correct. Communication is key if both partners like the same type of sex in making sure that everyone is happy. But what happens when you're in a relationship like mine where I have darker urges than my boyfriend? If he were any less awesome in all other areas beyond sex (and I promise you, the vanilla sex is pretty bang-smack fuckin' awesome as it is), it's quite possible I'd leave to try and find someone who shared my tendencies towards BDSM.

I'd say a person is out of balance if certain types of sex are so important to them that they'd leave an otherwise good partner to pursue those types of sex.

Communication, as well as other factors, continues to resolve this difference between us...but it's a hefty difference.

Again, I see this as a personal imbalance, not a relationship problem.