When family members start to go.

[Something completely different]

I guess I actualy feel real hatred towards my grandparents.
Both the english and the austrian part were abusive, crual and even sadistic parents with horrible social attitudes.
Every German has nazi grandparents or other nazi relatives of which most din`t remain fascist after ww2. Mine were simply also horrible people, who remained fascist after ww2.

[Minimalist]

My grandfather was a nazi. lol.

My grandfather was in the KKK. The KKK actually killed him for being annoying.

That would have to be really "annoying."

[My imaginary friend is GOD]

My grandfather was in the KKK. The KKK actually killed him for being annoying.

That would have to be really "annoying."

He would just shoot down everyone else's ideas without producing any ideas of his own. It probably made them suspicious of his motives or something.

[Rahul]

Well shit. All I've got is a passed out in the gutter drunk, emotional cold, physically abusive granddad that blew his brains out when I was a little kid.

I'm conceding.

[sarcasticgeographer]

And now with her getting older and older and devolving into a less and less reasonable state I kind of watch this situation and really dont know what to think. I feel a certain aura arround her within my family, a kind of very present yet hiden attitude of "she gets what she deserves".
I am just there as a bystander, not wanting to be involved in a mess I didn`t create, but at the same time feeling weird for not wanting to be engaged with what is supposed to be my family.


I somehow felt like writing this when I came home.

Germans: My thoughts go with you in this trying moment. It is difficult to watch family members waste away, yet watching their mental capacity wane must be brutally devastating. I sense a bittersweet tone in your words and just wanted to say that I hope your needs are met. Sometimes watching the way a family act is horrifying, but I respect you for not joining them when they say she deserves what she gets. I have never ascribed to that philosophy.

Best wishes.

[NoraBrimstone]

What you posted sounds pretty typical of old people. I think people reach an age where they stop giving a shit about anything. My Grandfather is pretty much the same, especially since my mother and grandmother passed away.

[littleendian]

I have a grandmother who in recent years has been starting to behave more and more weird.

I know the feeling, even though my grandparents all died before or when I was in my teens, I vividly remember my grandmother wasting away from bowel cancer, my grandfather died from respiratory problems, he could only eat puree his last few years.

But there is my other grandfather, who I think had a beautiful death. He was a carpenter and was often off in the woods getting wood. One day, he was 84, he didn't come back, and when they looked for him they found him lying peacefully with his tools assembled neatly beside him, he probably felt dizzy or drowsy and layed down and just fell asleep and never woke up in a peaceful place he loved. That's how I want to go.

Hehe, makes me think of that movie quote: "I wanna die peaceful in my sleep like my grandfather, not kicking and screaming like the passangers in the bus he was driving"

---

What you posted sounds pretty typical of old people. I think people reach an age where they stop giving a shit about anything. My Grandfather is pretty much the same, especially since my mother and grandmother passed away.

Actually I think we have great control over how well or how badly we age. I always think of my Aikido sensei, who is in his mid 60s and is still in breathtaking control of his movements. Basically exercise, healthy diet and forcing one self to leave ones comfort zones I think is a good recipe for dignified old age.

[Kayenneh]

After working in a nursing home for the elderly, I've seen from the sidelines what dementia does to families. As FNM said, is so darn hard to love and loathe a person at the same time. One thing to remember though, once the brain starts deteriorating, the person disappears. I don't see any shame in thinking the person dead or if one wishes not to have anything to do with their family member., especially if you didn't like him/her when at his/her full wits. All I ask from family is that they make sure that the 'shell' is taken care of, if not by them, then by others.

And now with her getting older and older and devolving into a less and less reasonable state I kind of watch this situation and really dont know what to think. I feel a certain aura arround her within my family, a kind of very present yet hiden attitude of "she gets what she deserves".

A reminder to the rest of your family, it's all good to feel smug now and think that she gets what she deserves, but remember that most forms of dementia is hereditary..

[Autumnlicious]

My grandma is in a rest home.

She is so angry at her oldest daughter (my brainless aunt) placing her there.

So angry and silent.

We visited her. Tried to talk, get anything out of her for two hours. Mum and sis even sang.

Nothing.

Then, as we prepared to leave, I saluted her as I remembered she was in the miltary and made fun of me once for being too demanding by saluting dranatically.

She laughed very loudly.

Probably for the first time in years.

Weird.