Hello Everyone,
I am a newly de-converted Christian. I “accepted Jesus into my heart” thirteen years ago when I was thirty-two years old, and immediately following my second failed marriage. I sold the few remaining items I had retained following the financial devastation of the divorces, and I moved out of California. My sense at the time I now see as reckless; reckless in the sense that I had no real plan for my next step after arriving in a new place, or once there, how I would change my behaviors to prohibit repetition of my mistakes. I was simply running away from my problems without being prepared to face them when they would inevitably return.
I raised my hand at a Pentecostal church in New Mexico and I was baptized the following week. I immediately felt a sense of ease (or something) come over me as I was raised from my watery symbolic grave into the resurrected life in the Spirit of Jesus Christ; and I believed it ALL to be true in that instant. Within a month of my big move I was back in California, and I was eager to begin “making my life right“. I joined a church and started my search for a “Christian wife”. (At this point I will insert a time-lapse of the thirteen years that have passed since that time, and I will attempt to moderately demonstrate my de-conversion.)
I found my “Christian wife”, married her, divorced her five years later, and I am now happily re-married to her after a five year separation, and without the dogma (that’s another story). I’ve been the worship leader in three separate churches. I’ve lead bible studies. I’ve done street evangelism, “miracle healings”, attended and lead workshops on, of all things, “supernatural thinking”; the list of reckless behaviors continued on into the absurd. As I stated earlier, I had not learned to think properly about my interactions with life in general, hence the dysfunction in my marriages and my outright strident zeal for my blind faith. It was time to wake up!
About two years ago I began to take note of the inconsistencies in the teachings of the church, and the hypocritical behaviors and gaping divisions among not only denominations, but also among individuals within single congregations. I was unable to shake my own sense guilt for having become the very thing I criticized the most, and I started asking real, hard questions. I was quickly marginalized for thinking independently, and I was asked to leave the church were I “faithfully” served for more than eight years.
These past two years since then have been the clincher for me in my full de-conversion. I have continued to attend a regular Monday through Friday bible study at a local coffee shop, and in this time I have observed so much strife, discord and enmity among “brothers and sisters” within that bible study that I kept my head low while keeping a mental log of the proceedings. One by one the attendance dropped from fifteen regulars to just three (now two). I continued attending the group in an effort to solidify my evolving thoughts, and to gain further evidence against faith. I did so also in the hopes of offering some sound reasoning to the remaining members.
As of late, my two former bible study buddies have been complimenting me on the clarity of my thoughts, and the cogency of my arguments. Little are they aware that these the products of my free thinking and sincere skepticism. I have not told these guys I am an atheist, but I think one of them may suspect that I am on the fence (I’m over the fence). I would like to continue in relationship with these men who I consider to me my friends, and who I believe, likewise consider me their friend (at least for now), but I am skeptical that they will be willing to do so once they know of my confession.
I have told my wife who is still Christian, and is convinced that I am going through a phase. She accepts that I have a strong will, and she may even be preparing for a long ride, but I am not certain she can fully understand what has happened to me while she is still thinking in the ways of the Christian tradition. I love my wife and I will never leave her. I am certain that my wife will never leave me; even if she never awakens from her religious slumber, at least her religion affirms her "requirement" (I hate religion) to remain as my spouse until life’s end. The thing she won’t even consider is; what if this life ends, and that is all there is? That has made all the difference for me, and now I embrace life as the precious and fragile thing it is.
I have been freed from religious chains and tyranny. I will never go back to that prison, and I will free as many captives as I am able to. Yes, I will preach truth, and as I once swore to the god I no longer believe in… “The truth will come from my lips, and the truth will set people free.”. I would have at one time called that a prophecy, now I know it’s just common sense.
Also, can you all suggest ways in which I can come out as an atheist to my Christian friends? The ones I have told so far have effectively proven my points on hypocrisy to be accurate. I have been told that I can no longer be associated with and that I was never a true believer, (if true believer means writing off friends for holding skepticism, then I can say no, I have never done that). I WAS having some trepidations about debating Christians, but whenever I am able to find one who will remain in a reasonable conversation, I find myself being more than equipped to argue a persuasive debate, and I’m finding that the faithful quickly lose faith, and retreat.
Thanks for letting me say hello!!
I am a newly de-converted Christian. I “accepted Jesus into my heart” thirteen years ago when I was thirty-two years old, and immediately following my second failed marriage. I sold the few remaining items I had retained following the financial devastation of the divorces, and I moved out of California. My sense at the time I now see as reckless; reckless in the sense that I had no real plan for my next step after arriving in a new place, or once there, how I would change my behaviors to prohibit repetition of my mistakes. I was simply running away from my problems without being prepared to face them when they would inevitably return.
I raised my hand at a Pentecostal church in New Mexico and I was baptized the following week. I immediately felt a sense of ease (or something) come over me as I was raised from my watery symbolic grave into the resurrected life in the Spirit of Jesus Christ; and I believed it ALL to be true in that instant. Within a month of my big move I was back in California, and I was eager to begin “making my life right“. I joined a church and started my search for a “Christian wife”. (At this point I will insert a time-lapse of the thirteen years that have passed since that time, and I will attempt to moderately demonstrate my de-conversion.)
I found my “Christian wife”, married her, divorced her five years later, and I am now happily re-married to her after a five year separation, and without the dogma (that’s another story). I’ve been the worship leader in three separate churches. I’ve lead bible studies. I’ve done street evangelism, “miracle healings”, attended and lead workshops on, of all things, “supernatural thinking”; the list of reckless behaviors continued on into the absurd. As I stated earlier, I had not learned to think properly about my interactions with life in general, hence the dysfunction in my marriages and my outright strident zeal for my blind faith. It was time to wake up!
About two years ago I began to take note of the inconsistencies in the teachings of the church, and the hypocritical behaviors and gaping divisions among not only denominations, but also among individuals within single congregations. I was unable to shake my own sense guilt for having become the very thing I criticized the most, and I started asking real, hard questions. I was quickly marginalized for thinking independently, and I was asked to leave the church were I “faithfully” served for more than eight years.
These past two years since then have been the clincher for me in my full de-conversion. I have continued to attend a regular Monday through Friday bible study at a local coffee shop, and in this time I have observed so much strife, discord and enmity among “brothers and sisters” within that bible study that I kept my head low while keeping a mental log of the proceedings. One by one the attendance dropped from fifteen regulars to just three (now two). I continued attending the group in an effort to solidify my evolving thoughts, and to gain further evidence against faith. I did so also in the hopes of offering some sound reasoning to the remaining members.
As of late, my two former bible study buddies have been complimenting me on the clarity of my thoughts, and the cogency of my arguments. Little are they aware that these the products of my free thinking and sincere skepticism. I have not told these guys I am an atheist, but I think one of them may suspect that I am on the fence (I’m over the fence). I would like to continue in relationship with these men who I consider to me my friends, and who I believe, likewise consider me their friend (at least for now), but I am skeptical that they will be willing to do so once they know of my confession.
I have told my wife who is still Christian, and is convinced that I am going through a phase. She accepts that I have a strong will, and she may even be preparing for a long ride, but I am not certain she can fully understand what has happened to me while she is still thinking in the ways of the Christian tradition. I love my wife and I will never leave her. I am certain that my wife will never leave me; even if she never awakens from her religious slumber, at least her religion affirms her "requirement" (I hate religion) to remain as my spouse until life’s end. The thing she won’t even consider is; what if this life ends, and that is all there is? That has made all the difference for me, and now I embrace life as the precious and fragile thing it is.
I have been freed from religious chains and tyranny. I will never go back to that prison, and I will free as many captives as I am able to. Yes, I will preach truth, and as I once swore to the god I no longer believe in… “The truth will come from my lips, and the truth will set people free.”. I would have at one time called that a prophecy, now I know it’s just common sense.
Also, can you all suggest ways in which I can come out as an atheist to my Christian friends? The ones I have told so far have effectively proven my points on hypocrisy to be accurate. I have been told that I can no longer be associated with and that I was never a true believer, (if true believer means writing off friends for holding skepticism, then I can say no, I have never done that). I WAS having some trepidations about debating Christians, but whenever I am able to find one who will remain in a reasonable conversation, I find myself being more than equipped to argue a persuasive debate, and I’m finding that the faithful quickly lose faith, and retreat.
Thanks for letting me say hello!!
