The Daily Show

[SteelCurtain]

When that dude couldn't figure out what to say...best 10 secs on TV in a while.

[Minimalist]

Knoxville....still getting over a civil war.

Classic.

[DeistPaladin]

This... was more fair and balanced that FIX.

Where do you think Fox Noise learned their techniques from? Well, them and, ironically enough, Pravda.

[DeistPaladin]

Knoxville....still getting over a civil war.

These people should just be glad I wasn't President during the aftermath of the War of Southern Treason. I frankly think they got off easy and bullies are only encouraged by that. Let's not mince words here, the Civil War amounted to southern "aristocrats" taking up arms against the duly elected government because they didn't like the election result. It should have been treated as insurrection against a democratic government because that's what it was.

Here's what I would have done:

1. Jefferson Davis: hung for treason
2. All traitor governors: hung for treason
3. All traitor legislators: hung for treason
4. All traitor generals and other senior officers: hung for treason
5. All traitor soldiers of lesser rank: pardoned if they recite the Pledge of Allegiance in front of the Union flag. Otherwise, hung for treason.
6. All plantations owned by Southern "aristocrats" that promoted the acts of treason: seized by the Union as war reparations.
7. Anyone caught wearing a Klu Klux Klan sheet and dunce cap: shot on sight as an insurrectionist.
8. "Confederate" Flag: treated as a symbol of treason
9. No "Confederate" War Memorials will be constructed nor will there be any other glorification of southern treason.
10. All state militias that declared treason against the Union will be disbanded for no less than 50 years.

With half the states that declared treason, the plantations would be given to former slaves as reparations for slavery. The purpose would be to try to create majority black southern states with the idea there's safety in numbers, that they may be able to protect themselves from bullying and segregation that they suffered in actual history. In the remaining states that declared treason, the plantations would be auctioned off to pay reparations to the Union for the war debt.

Here's what we should do today:
1. Tear down all "Confederate" war memorials.
2. Require all states that feature a "Confederate" flag must create a new flag.
3. Regard the "Confederate" flag as a symbol of treason.
4. Brand the Klu Klux Klan as both a terrorist organization and an insurrectionist group (if they aren't already).

[Fromper]

What about Aasif Mandvi's report from later in the same show?

Watch him deal with the FIX News shit on healthcare!

http://www.thedailyshow.com/watch/thu-ma...ee-edition

My favorite Aasif Mandvi moment was still when he walked into a press conference in Tallahassee and asked the governor of Florida to pee in a cup. That was friggin awesome.

And DeistPaladin, while I see your point about punishing the southern states for the Civil War, I do think you're taking it way too far. Also, you're acting like the KKK was a notable force back then. It wasn't. While it existed for a couple of years in the immediate post-war era, the organization died out within 5 years and didn't reappear until the early 20th century.

[Minimalist]

Here you go, D-P. Jon Stewart with some FAUX News shithead who maintains that Lincoln tricked South Carolina into starting the Civil War!

http://www.thedailyshow.com/watch/tue-ma...napolitano

[Clueless Morgan]

My favorite Aasif Mandvi moment was still when he walked into a press conference in Tallahassee and asked the governor of Florida to pee in a cup. That was friggin awesome.

That wasn't from this same episode, was it?!?!?

*Googling Aasif Mandvi segments*

[Bad Writer]

Here you go, D-P. Jon Stewart with some FAUX News shithead who maintains that Lincoln tricked South Carolina into starting the Civil War!

http://www.thedailyshow.com/watch/tue-ma...napolitano

Reinterpreting history seems to be a popular phenomenon lately. He's about as believable as that story about Lincoln being a Vampire hunter.

[Fromper]

My favorite Aasif Mandvi moment was still when he walked into a press conference in Tallahassee and asked the governor of Florida to pee in a cup. That was friggin awesome.

That wasn't from this same episode, was it?!?!?

*Googling Aasif Mandvi segments*

No, it was a year or two ago, right after Florida passed the law to require welfare recipients to pass a drug test before they could collect their checks. Aasif asked the governor to take a drug test, and even pulled out a cup for him to use.

[Doubting Thomas]

Does Fox News even still call themselves "fair and balanced" any more? The problem is that they've repeated that lie so often their viewers believe it.

But really it's no different from newspapers in communists dictatorships claiming to be the truth, like Pravda, for instance, which means "truth."