I have a few questions to atheists, before I become one.

[IntelligentPlanet]

Hello! As you can see I'm new to the forum. I made this account to post this thread, in which I can ask all my questions and hopefully receive answers. Before we start, I have to say that English isn't my mother language, so I may make some mistakes in the formation of the sentences, or in the wrong use of words, which I am extremely sorry for.
Long story short, I have been a Christian since young age. My family was a typical Christian one. Both my parent's weren't so religious, they were just going to church on some cases, but nothing more. They didn't made me read the Bible, it was in the later stages of my life that I managed to read some of it, which I have to admit-really scared me.
You see, untill my 15th year of my life I was just a normal believer, thinking that God really existed, and nothing more. I was not following the Bible word by word and was living a happy life. Then, for some reason, I decided to start praying before I go to bed. The strange thing was that I got psycho, I tried to do my best to perform the pray perfectly, so I don't end up wondering if the things I have prayed for will happen if I haven't performed it correctly. I started making silly rituals, which had nothing to do with religion, but I thought that God would love me and care for me if i did them. I don't want to speak much more about this things, simply because I don't want you to think of me as a stupid, crazy teenager, who has no clear idea of the world and asks silly questions here (even though I am sure that by the time you are reading this you have already thought that lol). Alright so let's continue. After a year of spending hours in trying to do the perfect prayer, doing absolutely stupid and illogical rituals, I decided to speak with my mom. I went to a psychiatrist and understood that I had Obsessive–compulsive disorder. I had every single symptom of it-an extreme desire to wash my hands 24/7, afraid of God, afraid that people won't talk to me anymore-you name it! It is 2 months since I am visiting the psychiatrist, but I can't happen to feel comfortable again. The reason why that is because I don't know the answer-Is there a God or not? If I somehow manage to answer this, I will be able to live a normal life again. I decided to read some atheist forums, watch The Amazing Atheist and some other youtube atheists, and I started to understand how delusional I was. But every time I read or watch a video explaining why atheism is true, I somehow forget all the things I have read and continue to do all the silly rituals, in order to please God, simply because I'm not sure if he exists or not. I know that this thread is extreeeeeeemely long, thanks to all of you who have managed to read it. I just want to ask-How can I be sure, or at least not worry about almost all the time, that there is no God? Yes, I read a lot about science, how stuff were created, but I continue to somehow not accept it and believe in God, which I really don't want to. Can you tell me how are you sure and living your lives without always trying to figure out if you are wrong about God, trying to argue with yourself all the time, because that's what I am doing right now. Every time when I ask the question:Is God real, i end up trying to remember all the things I have read and watched, and if I don't manage to, things get really bad. Please help me, because I am desperate. Please help me get my life again.
P.Slease don't post some comments like: "Yeah you are crazy" or "Yep you are totally restarted and delusional, grow up", because that won't help me at all. Just help me figure this thing out, so I can continue enjoy my life, without wondering if I am doing anything wrong and if I will get an eternal life in a full with fires and torture place.
P.P.S:I know my English ain't perfect, striving to get better and better at it.

[Tonus]

But every time I read or watch a video explaining why atheism is true,

This could be a part of the problem. Do not approach atheism from this end, because you cannot "explain why atheism is true." Atheism simply describes a lack of belief in the existence of god. For some people this implies a certainty that all gods do not --and perhaps cannot-- exist, for others it usually means that the gods that they have learned about are not convincing enough to seem real.

Examine your beliefs and your faith. What is it that is causing you doubts? Think on those things and try to understand them. Do not just try to "disprove" them or point yourself in one direction (theism) or the other (atheism) because then bias will lead you to conclusions now that you might have doubts about later. Try to figure out why you believe as you do. The key to figuring out which is "right" is to get to know yourself better.

You should definitely discuss this with your psychiatrist, as I have no clue how your OCD affects your ability to research and work through such issues.

[My imaginary friend is GOD]

Could you perhaps break that wall of text up into paragraphs so it's easier to read? kthxbai

[FreeTony]

Do you worry about not partaking in Muslim or Jewish rituals in case their religion is true?

An all powerful God would know that at this point in time there is not enough evidence for you to believe, so if he exists he should be sympathetic to your disbelief. He would know exactly what evidence you require, and would be aware there is not enough. God could exist and just be an evil prankster who enjoys buring people in hell whilst hiding away playing a gullibility test. There's not a lot we could do about this.

Given your OCD, I'd really suggest more help from people who deal with this professionally and who know what they are talking about.

[IntelligentPlanet]

I think that I may have not explained correctly - not that my OCD affects my ability to research and work through such issues, it's that I am sure that it is created by the question-"Does God exist?" and the inability to answer it. That's why I am washing my hands all the time, that's why I am making all the other rituals which are considered symptoms of OCD - because I don't know if God exists, so I do them simply because I don't want to risk. That's why I believe that the OCD will be gone when I manage to answer my question.
Sorry, will edit the post in a sec, thanks for pointing that out!

[My imaginary friend is GOD]

I think that I may have not explained correctly - not that my OCD affects my ability to research and work through such issues, it's that I am sure that it is created by the question-"Does God exists?" and the inability to answer it. That's why I am washing my hands all the time, that's why I am making all the other rituals which are considered symptoms of OCD - because I don't know if God exists, so I do them simply because I don't want to risk. That's why I believe that the OCD will be gone when I manage to answer my question.

Honestly, I doubt that. Even if you resolve the question that's plaguing you right now, OCD is usually driven by anxiety and the fear that if you do not perform your rituals, something bad will happen. Whether you identify yourself as an atheist or a theist, that anxiety and fear will likely persist, because even if God does not exist, you may still believe in something like karma or ill will.

[Bad Wolf]

Do you always carry an umbrella with you whenever you go outside? Just in case it rains?
I'm guessing no?
You can't live your life based on things you don't know.

[JesusHChrist]

OP - Were there questions in your post?

I couldn't wade through the wall of text to find them.

Succinct writing is the essence of clarity. And water is the essence of wetness.

[IntelligentPlanet]

Honestly, I doubt that. Even if you resolve the question that's plaguing you right now, OCD is usually driven by anxiety and the fear that if you do not perform your rituals, something bad will happen. Whether you identify yourself as an atheist or a theist, that anxiety and fear will likely persist, because even if God does not exist, you may still believe in something like karma or ill will.

Wow, in other cases I would thought that you know me! Yeah, that's exactly what's happening right now, I am having fear of everything-karma, God and other stuff. But the more I read and the more I convince myself that these things are superstitions only, I manage to deal with my OCD pretty well. But if all this started because of the religion questions, I am sure that it will end once i manage to answer them for myself. Or am I wrong? (Not arguing, just curious and asking haha)

[IntelligentPlanet]

Oops sorry for the double post, my mouse seems to be joking with me. About the wall of text, I can't understand why it doesn't want it to be edited hmmmm...