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Jokes
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Thunder cunt I never thought I'd say this.
But nice work buddy! 
"Peace is a lie, there is only passion.
Through passion, I gain strength. Through strength, I gain power. Through power, I gain victory. Through victory, my chains are broken." Sith code 
My girlfriend called me a paedophile the other day. I said to her "that's a pretty big word for a 6 year old".
 RE: Jokes
March 19, 2014 at 8:56 pm
(This post was last modified: March 19, 2014 at 9:29 pm by Phatt Matt s.)
(March 19, 2014 at 6:24 pm)Jacob(smooth) Wrote: Thunder cunt I never thought I'd say this. I can't believe you said that!  A husband and wife are trying to set up a new password for their computer. The husband puts, "Mypenis,"...on the screen it says, "Error. Not long enough." The teacher asked Jimmy, "Why is your cat at school today Jimmy?" Jimmy replied crying, "Because I heard my daddy tell my mommy, 'I am going to eat that p*ssy once Jimmy leaves for school today!' A mother is in the kitchen making dinner for her family when her daughter walks in. “Mother, where do babies come from?” The mother thinks for a few seconds and says, “Well dear, Mommy and Daddy fall in love and get married. One night they go into their bedroom, they kiss and hug, and have sex.” The daughter looks puzzled so the mother continues, “That means the daddy puts his [censored] in the mommy’s [censored]. That’s how you get a baby, honey.” The child seems to comprehend. “Oh, I see, but the other night when I came into your room you had daddy’s [censored] in your mouth. What do you get when you do that?” “Jewelry, my dear. Jewelry. Q: Why didn't the man report his stolen credit card? A: The thief was spending less then his wife. A child asked his father, "How were people born?" So his father said, "Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on." The child then went to his mother, asked her the same question and she told him, "We were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now." The child ran back to his father and said, "You lied to me!" His father replied, "No, your mom was talking about her side of the family." An explorer goes into an undiscovered tomb for the first time, and in the center of the tomb there’s a lamp. He picks it up, and as he starts to rub the dirt off of it, a genie comes out of the lamp and says, “I want to know the person you hate the most.” The explorer says, “That’s gotta be my ex-wife. I will grant you three wishes, but whatever you wish for, your ex-wife will get double that amount.” “Okay, I wish for a billion dollars.” “Granted, but you ex-wife gets two billion dollars.” “I wish for a...“Granted, and your ex-wife gets two." "Now make your final wish.” The explorer walks around for a few minutes, returns to the genie with a stick, and says, “You see this stick? I’d like you to beat me half to death.” "Six Brazilian men die in a skydiving accident." The blonde starts crying to her husband, sobbing, "That's horrible!" Confused, he replies, "Yes Dear, it is sad, but they were skydiving, and there is always that risk involved." After a few minutes, the blonde, still sobbing, says, "How many is a Brazilian?" There was a preacher who fell in the ocean and he couldn't swim. When a boat came by, the captain yelled, "Do you need help, sir?" The preacher calmly said "No, God will save me." A little later, another boat came by and a fisherman asked, "Hey, do you need help?" The preacher replied again, "No God will save me." Eventually the preacher drowned & went to heaven. The preacher asked God, "Why didn't you save me?" God replied, "Fool, I sent you two boats!" Yo momma's so fat and old when God said, "Let there be light," he asked your mother to move out of the way. Yo momma is so fat when she got on the scale it said, "I need your weight not your phone number."  The teacher asked little Johnny to use the word "definitely" in a sentence. Little Johnny replies, "Teacher, do farts have lumps in them?" The teacher says, "Of course not Johnny." To which Johnny replies, "Then I have definitely s**t my pants." Q: How can you get a blonde to laugh on Saturday? A: Tell her a joke on Wednesday. Q: Why can't a blonde dial 911? A: She can't find the eleven. How many leprechauns does it take to screw in a light-bulb? Two, the hard part is getting both of them in a lightbulb. What happens to a frog's car when it breaks down? It gets toad away. 
A janitor is sweeping the floor in a Catholic church by the confessional when the priest sticks his head out and says "Psst! Psst! Hey, I really have to go to the bathroom, but there are people waiting to give confessions. I want you to sit here and listen to the confessions until I get back." The janitor obliged and it wasn't long before a lady entered the confessional and on the other side of the screen said, "Bless me father for I have sinned, I'm not married and I gave oral sex to my boyfriend." The janitor didn't quite know what to do, so he opened the door and flagged down an altar boy. "Hey, what does the priest give for oral sex?" he asked. The altar boy replied, "Usually a couple of candy bars and a Coke."
Christian apologetics is the art of rolling a dog turd in sugar and selling it as a donut.
RE: Jokes
March 22, 2014 at 6:56 pm
(This post was last modified: March 22, 2014 at 6:56 pm by Phatt Matt s.)
So I pulled up to the great peach salesman who claimed peaches of every flavor.
I asked him if he had a peach that tasted like pussy. He said, "of course, it's a hot seller. He let me try it no charge. I bit into it and said, "This TASTES LIKE ASS!"  He said, "Son, you better turn it around" 
How do you know there's a drummer at your front door? The knocking gets louder and faster and louder and faster...
***** How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb? 100: 1 to change it and 99 to have a pointless discussion about how much better Clapton could have done it. ***** What do you call a parasite who hangs out with musicians? Ringo. ***** Who is always the least talented member of the local garage band? The one with the van. Boru
‘But it does me no injury for my neighbour to say there are twenty gods or no gods. It neither picks my pocket nor breaks my leg.’ - Thomas Jefferson
 (March 22, 2014 at 8:59 pm)BrianSoddingBoru4 Wrote: How do you know there's a drummer at your front door? The knocking gets louder and faster and louder and faster... Q: What is the difference between a drummer and a large sausage pizza? A: The pizza can feed a family of four. RE: Jokes
March 25, 2014 at 6:37 pm
(This post was last modified: March 25, 2014 at 6:41 pm by Phatt Matt s.)
What kind of bees make milk instead of honey? Boobies.
A mushroom walks into a bar. The bartender says, “Hey, get out of here! We don’t serve mushrooms here”. Mushroom says, “why not? I’m a fungai!” Two lepers playing poker, one threw his hand in, the other laughed his head off What's green and eats nuts? Syphilis. A blind man walks into a bar. And a table. And a chair. A skeleton walks into a bar and orders a drink and a mop Life without women would be a pain in the ass. Why'd the semen cross the road? I wore the wrong pair of socks. Freudian slip: when you say one thing, but you mean your Mother. Where did Sally go during the bombing? Everywhere. |
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