Jokes

[Phatt Matt s]

You know why I want to work in a nursing Home?
Because I like vegetables!

You know what you do after you eat a vegetable? You put the bones back in the wheelchair!

You know what's good on Pizza but bad on Pussy? Crust!

You know how you make homemade Holy Water?
Boil the Hell out of it!

[Kayenneh]

You know what's good on Pizza but bad on Pussy? Crust!

Ooh, that one made me cringe!

A mathematician, an engineer and an economist were interviewed for a job. One of the questions that came up was: "How much is 2+2?" The mathematician answered: "Four. Always four." The engineer said: "4. Plus minus 1%." When the economist heard the question, he looked suspiciously around, went to the window and closed the blind, then whispered: "What do you want it to be?"

A cop stopped by the highway when he found a naked man bound to a tree. The man cried of relief, explaining to the officer how a hitchhiker he picked up had threatened him at gunpoint, raped him and stolen his car. The cop was silent for a moment, then he proceeded to unbuckle his belt and said: "You know son, this is not your day..."

A farmer and his pal were rounding up the sheep, when they found an ewe stuck in a fence.
"This is too good an opportunity to pass up on!", said the farmer and proceeded to fuck it. "That was not bad, would you like to try?"
"Hell yes!", answered the friend and stuck his head through the fence.

[Phatt Matt s]

You know what you do after you eat the freshest pussy in the world. Put the diaper back on!

[Foxaèr]

This looks like Area 69 content. :/

[Marsellus Wallace]

I read this one from an image , its very funny .

Why was Hitler hit by a baseball ?

[downbeatplumb]

You know what you do after you eat the freshest pussy in the world. Put the diaper back on!

You are the lead singer of the lost prophets and I claim my £10.

[Marsellus Wallace]

Why was Hitler hit by a baseball ?

cuz he nazi it coming .

[Phatt Matt s]

I went to a fortune teller and she looked at my hands. She said, 'Your future looks pretty black.' I said, 'Are you kidding? I've still got my gloves on!

I said to the doctor, 'It hurts when I do this' [raises arm]. He said, 'Well, don't do it.'

My doctor told me to drink a bottle of wine after a hot bath, but I couldn't even finish drinking the hot bath!
 Two cannibals were eating a clown – one said to the other, 'Does he taste funny to you?'
A drunk was driving his car down a one-way street when a policeman stopped him. The cop said, 'Didn't you see the arrows?' He said, 'Arrows? I didn't even see the Indians.'

Gambling has brought our family together. We had to move to a smaller house.

I took saxophone lessons for six months until I dislocated my jaw. How did I know I was supposed to blow in the small end?

I bought some pork chops and told the butcher to make them lean. He said, 'Which way?

I sleep like a baby . . I wake up screaming every morning around 3am.

Two cannibals were eating a clown – one said to the other, 'Does he taste funny to you?'

---

For those who haven't heard, Washington State has passed two laws - legalized gay marriage and legalized marijuana.

The fact that gay marriage and marijuana were legalized on the same day makes perfect biblical sense, because Leviticus 20:13 says:

"If a man lies with another man they should be stoned."
Guess we just hadn't interpreted it correctly before.

[Phatt Matt s]

---

What's the difference between a blonde and a brick wall?
A brick wall's only been laid once.

What do a blonde and a barn have in common?
They always have a cock in them.

Q: Why was the suicide bomber disappointed when he met his 72 virgins?
A: He blew off his penis.

Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. "Yes" is the answer.

Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship.

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.

We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.

[Doubting Thomas]

Why does it take women longer to have an orgasm than a man?

Who cares?