How Do You Respond to Transphobic Arguments?/I'm back!

[Diamond]

As a cisgender woman who barely knew only one transgender person in my life, I don't run into transphobia that much. But when I do, I never know what to say in defense of them

Today, in particular, I got into a heated discussion about this with my boyfriend. While he does fully support gay/lesbian/bisexual rights, he believes that transgender people are sick in the head. He kept saying things like, "I can go around believing I'm a dinosaur, but that doesn't make me a dinosaur." and "There's surgery to make me look like a gorilla, but that won't make me a gorilla." I knew it was kind of idiotic to compare this to something entirely different, but I didn't know what to say. Whenever I tried to, he just accused me of basing my arguments on emotion. My argument was "If the person was born male but identifies as female, or vice versa, I think other people should respect that." He doesn't think so. He thinks that people only do that because they're afraid of being offensive. And he's basing most of this on a costumer he had who got offended when he called her "sir".

The thing is, I've seen these arguments all over the internet, but I never actually thought anyone I knew believed them. Basically, this is the first time I've ever had a debate like this in person (and, when I ran out of things to say, I just passive-aggressively said, "Fine." Typical ). I'm asking those of you who run into this sort of thing everyday, or at least more often than I do. What do you usually say? Have you ever convinced someone that they may just be wrong when it comes to transgender issues? I'm not looking for a quick fix, by the way. I just want something compelling. Something that will at least make people like my boyfriend think, or rethink, if you will.

Side note: I haven't been around because I've been so busy with school (I needed to get my grades up). But I'll be posting more often from now on. So, in case anyone remembers me, and missed me, HI!!!

[rexbeccarox]

Welcome back!

I honestly don't understand what's wrong with an argument from emotion in this case. It's an emotional issue. What other people do with their bodies is none of your boyfriend's business, either. Why does he think he gets any say at all?

[CapnAwesome]

I think the best argument is "Who cares, it's not your life to live so people can make whatever choices they want."

That's what it all comes down to really. It's nobody else's business if you want to identify as a man, a woman, both, neither, either.

[Psykhronic]

Dinosaurs and gorillas are species, not genders. Everyone has some sort of association with gender - this transcends species and individuals. With sapience involved, the association gets much more complicated. The thing is, in the mind of, say, a transwoman, they ARE a woman. A transman IS already a man. The body just does not match.

We build associations as children automatically. Tell him to deal with it.

[OGirly]

Being transexual myself this issue used to come up a lot. Since I've been on hormones, and have had my surgery it's no longer a part of my life (I was lucky to get on hormones very young (around 16) as my parents were understanding so I don't have any of the 'male' features most associate with transsexual women), but I have plenty of friends who were not so lucky with an early start and face these types of "what do I call you" questions daily. Transsexualism is an accepted medical condition, and since there is evidence (look it up I'm too lazy to cite lol) that those of us born male who transition to female (and vice versa) usually have the brain mappings of the 'desired' gender I would say your boyfriend is simply not educated on the medical condition. Personally it's not an issue to me as transsexuality isn't something I identify with. It was something I went through, but it's not who/what I am if that makes sense? I simply identify as female now.

I agree with your boyfriend in saying that there are only two genders. Those who are on a spectrum either haven't figured out where they belong, or simply choose to present that way (androne, male female etc); but when it comes to transsexuality (not transgender issues there is a HUGE difference) it's clearly a case of a brain either staying female and the body becoming male, or the brain developing into a male brain but the body remaining female. It's a physiological issue (one that I plan on treating as a psychiatrist so it's why I'm so interested lol), and since it's a physiological issue and not an issue of opinion I feel your boyfriend simply needs to be educated on the difference between transsexualism and transgenderism. That seems to be the issue here if I'm reading this right..but I just came off an Organic Chemistry test so I'm not sure if my brain is functioning properly or not lol

To quickly summarise I feel acceptance of transgenderism is polite, but not something that should be required by society. If someone wants to play with gender lines/roles that's their prerogative, but if it makes others uncomfortable then what can I say other than I'm sorry; but when it's a documented case of transsexuality we owe the person the respect of calling them by their proper gender (target gender) and showing them the same respect we would show someone with any mental/physiological condition (I must note I am uncomfortable calling transsexuality a mental condition as I believe it is purely physiological, but since that's the common accepted way of classifying it I'll stick with my medical colleagues for now).

[Psykhronic]

I fully reject that there are only two genders. Hell, there aren't even only two sexes. (Intersex, anyone?) Everything else you said makes sense though, OG.

[*Deidre*]

There is still so much to learn on this front, no one should judge. We all have things we have to contend with in life, I try to show understanding whenever possible. Treat those in life as I wish to be treated. It's simple, really.

[CapnAwesome]

Dinosaurs and gorillas are species, not genders. Everyone has some sort of association with gender - this transcends species and individuals. With sapience involved, the association gets much more complicated. The thing is, in the mind of, say, a transwoman, they ARE a woman. A transman IS already a man. The body just does not match.

We build associations as children automatically. Tell him to deal with it.

Honestly, and I mean no offense to Psykhronic, whom I respect, this isn't the argument that I'd use when talking to your boyfriend. If you want to win a debate online, sure you can go with something like this.

It's hard to argue someone into being a more open minded person about such matters. If you are trying to get someone that you are close with to become a more open minded it's better to get them to empathize with the people. This is how most past-homophobes lose their homophobia. It's not that they come to some sudden intellectual realization, it's that they end up with a gay kid, or their close friend comes out of the closet and they realize that it's just not all that important. If you know any transgendered people just hanging out would probably be the way to go. If not your local college probably has GBLT talks where they could get some exposure.

[Psykhronic]

Dinosaurs and gorillas are species, not genders. Everyone has some sort of association with gender - this transcends species and individuals. With sapience involved, the association gets much more complicated. The thing is, in the mind of, say, a transwoman, they ARE a woman. A transman IS already a man. The body just does not match.

We build associations as children automatically. Tell him to deal with it.

Honestly, and I mean no offense to Psykhronic, whom I respect, this isn't the argument that I'd use when talking to your boyfriend. If you want to win a debate online, sure you can go with something like this.

It's hard to argue someone into being a more open minded person about such matters. If you are trying to get someone that you are close with to become a more open minded it's better to get them to empathize with the people. This is how most past-homophobes lose their homophobia. It's not that they come to some sudden intellectual realization, it's that they end up with a gay kid, or their close friend comes out of the closet and they realize that it's just not all that important. If you know any transgendered people just hanging out would probably be the way to go. If not your local college probably has GBLT talks where they could get some exposure.

You have very good points, Capn.

[OGirly]

I fully reject that there are only two genders. Hell, there aren't even only two sexes. (Intersex, anyone?) Everything else you said makes sense though, OG.

good point. I am just stating where I would come from when treating someone with this condition. Accepted treatment is to try and help them decide on one of the two. I should note accepted treatment doesn't always mean the best treatment lol