What's Wrong With Me?

[SteelCurtain]

Yep, it does seem awkward, but it's probably really god advice, and I will definitely try that if there's a next time. Thanks Steel :)

I try to only give god advice. :P

[*Deidre*]

Have you considered that might be attracted to bastards.

I've seen women throw themselves at men who are obviously wronguns.

There's truth in this statement. One of the things I needed to really look at with my own dating patterns, is that I tended to try the hardest with the assholes. Hmmm...what does this say about ME? I'm not suggesting Rebecca, that that is you. lol I'm just saying, sometimes, we have to step back and reflect on why do I keep attracting jerks? And the reasons might surprise us, if we take the time to really analyze ourselves, not the other person.

I can't change jerks, but I can set up boundaries that don't allow jerks to stay too long in my life. A few years ago, I might have contacted the guy that you're dealing with, wondering what happened. Not anymore. If a man doesn't have the balls to at least say, hey...I want to see others, etc...then, keep it moving.

So, don't view this experience as a bad thing...view it as an opportunity to grow and learn from, and it takes sometimes being burned by a hot stove a few times, before we realize...hey, that stove is hot, I'm not going to touch it again!

Dating can be fun, but it's important to set up boundaries so you don't end up in a relationship with someone who doesn't value you.

Another hug cuz I'm in a hugging mood.

[Jacob(smooth)]

I'm not famed for hugginess so I'll just ask if this rings any bells.
http://youtu.be/U5gT8hf0Z_M

Sorry. Couldn't resist. You're never speaking to me again now are you...

[Faith No More]

Well, I don't know if this is relevant or not, but when I was severely depressed, I had similar issues with my friends. In hindsight I realize that I was much more clingy that I thought, and it was a lot of work being my friend. I was also depressing to be around at times, so my friends would stay away from.

Perhaps your depression is driving them away? I'm not saying that must be it, but it's something to consider.

[FlyingNarwhal]

It always breaks down to the sex. So, not to sound like a creep.....but what's going on with the sex?

I honestly thought it was great. I was thoroughly enjoying myself, anyway...

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I noticed one of them left a note saying he loved you, you said he'd expressed that before but you didn't say how you reacted.

The reason I mentioned this is that I have cut off relations with a girl who did not return my feelings.
If I make a big gesture of affection and there is no similar reply I leave to save myself.

Nothing worse than a one sided relationship.

The note was actually a thing he would do every one in awhile, and it took me a couple of solid ILY's from him for me to reciprocate, but I made very, absolutely positive he knew how much I loved him for the entire year we were a couple. When he dumped me out of the blue, I was completely shocked. I thought our relationship was as close to perfect as it got.

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Thank you all... and I'm telling you guys: I know this stuff happens all the time, but in these cases, I'm doing something wrong or I'm not doing something right. It's just WAY too much of a coincidence that this happens with every single person I'm interested in since my ex of five years and I broke up six years ago.

How long do you typically wait at the start of a relationship before you have sex? The reason I ask is because a lot of men simply do what they think women want (saying I love you snookums and all the cutesy shit) in the interest of sex. And I don't think its always that they only care about sex, but I feel like a lot of guys mix up lust with love. And so what happens is they do what they think they are supposed to do, and then if the sex doesn't come quick enough (or once you've reached that stage, often enough) resentment builds. They feel like they are doing more than what they are receiving in turn. Because what your talking about where a guy just leaves and stonewalls you is not the normal approach for ending a relationship. That sounds like resentment to me.

[*Deidre*]

Even if he's 'resentful,' you don't just disappear without saying something to the person. If anything, if this is how he handles something as minor as this, he definitely will not handle bigger issues that may crop up in a relationship.

He's an adult, he should have the decency to tell her...'hey, this isn't working, had fun...but i need to move on.''

To say nothing, and go radio silent, is immature.

NEXTTT!

---

Plus, he doesn't know her well enough to grow resentful. Damn, people...dating should be FUN.

If it isn't? MOVE ON!

I go with my original thought...he was entertaining someone else, or a few someone elses. This isn't to say he's having sex with them. But, his focus isn't on one person, is more my point.

[sven]

You are a woman, and thus it it can all be attributed to hysteria:

"In the middle of the flanks of women lies the womb, a female viscus, closely resembling an animal; for it is moved of itself hither and thither in the flanks, also upwards in a direct line to below the cartilage of the thorax, and also obliquely to the right or to the left, either to the liver or the spleen, and it likewise is subject to prolapsus downwards, and in a word, it is altogether erratic. It delights also in fragrant smells, and advances towards them; and it has an aversion to fetid smells, and flees from them; and, on the whole, the womb is like an animal within an animal."

-Hippocrates

[CapnAwesome]

Of course it's hard to say with limited information. It sounds like it's possible (although again hard to say) that you get involved with men who are pretending to be something they aren't. It wouldn't be a fault in your personality but maybe in the environment in which you meet men. A lot of the time the dating pool is full of fakers and players. How do you normally meet people?

[*Deidre*]

Of course it's hard to say with limited information. It sounds like it's possible (although again hard to say) that you get involved with men who are pretending to be something they aren't. It wouldn't be a fault in your personality but maybe in the environment in which you meet men. A lot of the time the dating pool is full of fakers and players. How do you normally meet people?

That's a really great point.

[rexbeccarox]

Well, I don't know if this is relevant or not, but when I was severely depressed, I had similar issues with my friends. In hindsight I realize that I was much more clingy that I thought, and it was a lot of work being my friend. I was also depressing to be around at times, so my friends would stay away from.

Perhaps your depression is driving them away? I'm not saying that must be it, but it's something to consider.

I think it's entirely possible, which is why I included it in my OP. I try to hide it, but I'm not entirely sure I'm successful at the task, and I'm not sure it's very good to be hiding it in the first place.

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How long do you typically wait at the start of a relationship before you have sex? The reason I ask is because a lot of men simply do what they think women want (saying I love you snookums and all the cutesy shit) in the interest of sex. And I don't think its always that they only care about sex, but I feel like a lot of guys mix up lust with love. And so what happens is they do what they think they are supposed to do, and then if the sex doesn't come quick enough (or once you've reached that stage, often enough) resentment builds. They feel like they are doing more than what they are receiving in turn. Because what your talking about where a guy just leaves and stonewalls you is not the normal approach for ending a relationship. That sounds like resentment to me.

I'm pretty open to sex as long as I have confirmed with my partner that we're exclusive. I don't make them wait as a power play, but rather a commitment. I don't have sex unless there is one. I wish I could, but I have some trust issues, so I wait. But once we're having sex, I try to make it the best experience for us both.

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Of course it's hard to say with limited information. It sounds like it's possible (although again hard to say) that you get involved with men who are pretending to be something they aren't. It wouldn't be a fault in your personality but maybe in the environment in which you meet men. A lot of the time the dating pool is full of fakers and players. How do you normally meet people?

Lots of ways! I tend to be out and about, and therefore I meet people. I'm starting to feel like Southern California is part of the problem. I can see how guys could be jaded, and therefore don't take women seriously here. It seems like a lot of women here want men for their money and baby-making skills.