The Rise and Fall of Fappy, the Anti Masturbation Dolphin

[Jenny A]

I guess you guys have gone to different kinds of churches than I've been to, as I've never heard a sermon on the evils of masturbation.

Sermon? No? Part of Sunday school lesson about sexuality? Yep I have.

We live in an increasingly Mormon part of the country. Here's the Mormon take on it:

Masturbation, a rather common indiscretion, is not approved of the Lord nor of his church, regardless of what may have been said by others whose “norms” are lower. Latter-day Saints are urged to avoid this practice. Anyone fettered by this weakness should abandon the habit before he goes on a mission or receives the holy priesthood or goes in the temple for his blessings.

Sometimes masturbation is the introduction to the more serious sins of exhibitionism and the gross sin of homosexuality. We would avoid mentioning these unholy terms and these reprehensible practices were it not for the fact that we have a responsibility to the youth of Zion that they be not deceived by those who would call bad good, and black white.

President Kimball Speaks Out on Morality

What we heard in Sunday school was more like C.S. Lewis' idea that it's selfish and leads to bachelorhood and vanity:

For me the real evil of masturbation would be that it takes an appetite which, in lawful use, leads the individual out of himself to complete (and correct) his own personality in that of another (and finally in children and even grandchildren) and turns it back: sends the man back into the prison of himself, there to keep a harem of imaginary brides. And this harem, once admitted, works against his ever getting out and really uniting with a real woman. For the harem is always accessible, always subservient, calls for no sacrifices or adjustments, and can be endowed with erotic and psychological attractions which no real woman can rival. Among those shadowy brides he is always adored, always the perfect love: no demand is made on his unselfishness, no mortification ever imposed on his vanity. In the end, they become merely the medium through which he increasingly adores himself….

[JesusHChrist]

I guess you guys have gone to different kinds of churches than I've been to, as I've never heard a sermon on the evils of masturbation.

The Catholic Church teaches that "Masturbation constitutes a grave moral disorder" and that "both the Magisterium of the Church—in the course of a constant tradition—and the moral sense of the faithful have declared without hesitation that masturbation is an intrinsically and seriously disordered act."[13]

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Religious_v...sturbation

Grave moral disorder no less! A seriously disordered act! Sound the alarms!

Mebbe since you aren't aware of Catholic doctrine, you ain't no Real Christian. A real one would know this.

[The Grand Nudger]

Wait, what? Jerkin the gherkin leads to gay sex? I like grabbing my dick, not some other assholes dick. That's kind of the whole point.......christ, you'd think that there would be a whole hell of alot more gay men in the world if masturbation led to homosexuality - more, as in, all of them. Where do people get this shit? They would at least know that when they badgered their own witness they weren't thinking of men.........no...no...nevermind, I get it now.

[Jenny A]

Wait, what? Jerkin the gherkin leads to gay sex? I like grabbing my dick, not some other assholes dick. That's kind of the whole point.......christ, you'd think that there would be a whole hell of alot more gay men in the world if masturbation led to homosexuality - more, as in, all of them. Where do people get this shit? They would at least know that when they badgered their own witness they weren't thinking of men.........no...no...nevermind, I get it now.

You were expecting logic perhaps?

[John V]

Sermon? No? Part of Sunday school lesson about sexuality? Yep I have.

We live in an increasingly Mormon part of the country. Here's the Mormon take on it:

Yep, different church.

[Jenny A]

Sermon? No? Part of Sunday school lesson about sexuality? Yep I have.

We live in an increasingly Mormon part of the country. Here's the Mormon take on it:

Yep, different church.

Yes, I realize Christian beliefs on a number of issues, and the emphasis on those differs widely. We had one Sunday school unit on masturbation---wrong but not a focus of our church. My problems with the Christian religion are issue based. Unfortunately the loudest churches are the one's I disagree with the most.

[MagetheEntertainer]

It's a poe

Even though this story is fake you gotta admit it makes for a nice work of fiction.