I need some advice

[CapnAwesome]

Also to the part about you not publically shaming her, you are, on the internet. You insulted her appearance, and basically came of as just as insulting as she is. What if someone from your work finds this thread. It's hardly impossible.

To us, she is an abstraction. To his coworkers, Lemon is a real person. Shame is an interpersonal dynamic, and those conditions aren't present here because none of us know her.

Put another way, she would only feel shame if she knows she's the butt of his derogatory comments, and cared about our opinions. Neither of those conditions obtain here, while both of them obtain in her treatment of Lemon.

That's true, but you have at least find some irony that he's upset about being publicly insulted (in what I would say is not really that serious of a way) and his reaction is to go on the internet and call her a fat bitch publicly. Which is worse then being said that you ask weird questions. It's hardly an insult. Sure she's unlikely to see it but really it's not impossible. Why is there a need to be so insulting in the first place? The whole thing makes him seem overly sensitive and immature to me.

[Lemonvariable72]

I don't really understand the point of these threads. Are you really looking for advice or just validation for what you did? You pretty much are arguing with all the advice that isn't just supporting what you did. What's the point? If you feel like you did the right thing, what do you really want advice about?

Also what you did is not the right tactic to deal with bullying. Neither is ignoring it. What I'm suggesting is both the mature, moral and probably the best way to get the woman of your back. You are free to ignore it of course, but next time you want to just justify your own actions maybe you shouldn't disguise that as a cry for advice. Also it makes you look waaaay oversensitive to me. Which kind of makes the whole narrative make a lot more sense. Also to the part about you not publically shaming her, you are, on the internet. You insulted her appearance, and basically came of as just as insulting as she is. What if someone from your work finds this thread. It's hardly impossible.

God I love how you can tell me what my intentions are. I'm not looking to justify my actions as much as I'm looking for other perspectives, however what you suggested would only serve to make things worse. Trust me, I've tried it before. Yes I anonymously insulted someone, there even if they seemed this thread they would not know who wrote and who it was about. That's a bit different then being called a creep in front of people you have to work with everyday. Have you ever been in this sort of situation before?

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Its being told she doesn't wanna sit next to me because I'm a creep that's insulting.

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One more thing it I should clarify, there is a second reason I made this thread, and that was simply because I needed to vent.

[Thumpalumpacus]

That's true, but you have at least find some irony that he's upset about being publicly insulted (in what I would say is not really that serious of a way) and his reaction is to go on the internet and call her a fat bitch publicly. Which is worse then being said that you ask weird questions. It's hardly an insult. Sure she's unlikely to see it but really it's not impossible. Why is there a need to be so insulting in the first place? The whole thing makes him seem overly sensitive and immature to me.

And that's fine. It doesn't make what she did all right, and riding it on doesn't solve much, if anything.

I don't have a problem with unprofessional behavior being reported to human resources. That is exactly why they are there, to ensure all employees are treated with dignity and fairness. It might well be the case that better results would be obtained by speaking to the teacher, or directly to the offender, but HR was invented in part in order to manage these sorts of workplace issues, to minimize strain and maximize business efficiency.

As far as carping about it online, I'm sure most of us have done that at one time or another, and I'm inclined to give someone the benefit of the doubt for it. It's a safe outlet for such venting -- as opposed to the workplace, in front of coworkers.

[Drich]

I had a situation at work today with a coworker. I recently started at a local call center, and this is a pretty big operation where they are hiring about 150-200 people. As a result of this I am in a large training of about 20 people. Now I have high functioning autism, and that makes me seem a little weird to some people. Its not something I'm ashamed of but I don't advertise it to people for obvious reasons. Now yesterday we changed up seats, and today of woman of about 40 prominently proclaimed too the entire class that she was mad she had to sit next to me because I'm a creep and I ask weird questions. I pretended it didn't bother at the time and a few minutes later I came hip with a reason to go to HR. Now when I went to hr they asked me what I would like to see to which I responded that I never want to see this lady again. They said they would email my trainer to talk to my class about professionalism.
In other words they are not doing shit, how should I deal with this moving forward?

Have you tried Stop asking weird questions, and creeping people out?

If this is something you are not willing to do, then maybe meet in the middle and don't ask as many weird questions as you want to and only creep out. Half the people you come in contact with.

[Darkstar]

Have you tried Stop asking weird questions, and creeping people out?

If this is something you are not willing to do, then maybe meet in the middle and don't ask as many weird questions as you want to and only creep out. Half the people you come in contact with.

You're joking, right?

[Whateverist]

I have a nephew with a similar profile to yours. One of my favorite people. He just got married to a total babe in India. They live in NYC and both have great high tech, nerdy jobs. We weren't able to go to the wedding but they agreed to be flown out for a week with us and we had such a good time. He is smart as hell with a somewhat goofy sense of humor but a heart of gold.

Everyone is really a weird bastard at heart but our chameleon camouflage tends to work better. Be your fucking self and make them deal with it - so long as it doesn't cost you a good job.

[Lemonvariable72]

I had a situation at work today with a coworker. I recently started at a local call center, and this is a pretty big operation where they are hiring about 150-200 people. As a result of this I am in a large training of about 20 people. Now I have high functioning autism, and that makes me seem a little weird to some people. Its not something I'm ashamed of but I don't advertise it to people for obvious reasons. Now yesterday we changed up seats, and today of woman of about 40 prominently proclaimed too the entire class that she was mad she had to sit next to me because I'm a creep and I ask weird questions. I pretended it didn't bother at the time and a few minutes later I came hip with a reason to go to HR. Now when I went to hr they asked me what I would like to see to which I responded that I never want to see this lady again. They said they would email my trainer to talk to my class about professionalism.
In other words they are not doing shit, how should I deal with this moving forward?

Have you tried Stop asking weird questions, and creeping people out?

If this is something you are not willing to do, then maybe meet in the middle and don't ask as many weird questions as you want to and only creep out. Half the people you come in contact with.

Well that's the funny part drippy boy, I haven't had barely any contact with these women period and the questions I do ask are entirely professional and work related. Have you ever dealt with bulling before?

[Drich]

Have you tried Stop asking weird questions, and creeping people out?

If this is something you are not willing to do, then maybe meet in the middle and don't ask as many weird questions as you want to and only creep out. Half the people you come in contact with.

Well that's the funny part drippy boy, I haven't had barely any contact with these women period and the questions I do ask are entirely professional and work related. Have you ever dealt with bulling before?

Being a 1/2 korean, growing up in a small post war with Japan, Korea and Vietnam southern town in fl with what was simply called a 'slow learning diablity' in the 80's. No not at all. I did not get beat by white bullies, at school, I was not the source of days upon endless days of endless bullying in my own neighborhood, by the kids there. Because in the 80's southern states were if nothing else tolerant.

So when I say stop asking stupid questions and stop creeping people out I have ABSOLUTLY no basis in which to tell you these things will work.

If you are indeed high functioning you should to be able to think a little more systematically and without so much emotion as the rest. Identify the triggers the set off the sheep and avoid them. Learn to blend in. Don't be a pompous ass just because you have a few extra challenges than everyone else. Take what others deem a disability learn to use the benfits and minimize and mange the draw back and be successful with your gift. That is the validation you will really want. Not to have people to just pretend you're their kind of normal.

[SteelCurtain]

Your teacher is the person that is missing the point, here.

This is my job. I am a professional trainer for a major communications company that ousources call center solutions. I am currently training a retention class. This company, like most call centers, do not have the best hiring practices. Most call centers take the shotgun method. Hire as many people as you can, and hope the attrition rate is lower than 40%.

I say this to point out that in every wave of new hires, there are some people who do not understand how to behave/dress/act in a professional environment. A MAJOR part of my job is to make sure these people know how to do that, and while we're still training, holding them accountable to acting like a professional.

Talk to your trainer. Let him/her know your situation. Ask him/her if your questions really are weird, and if s/he thinks maybe they are, ask him/her what you can do to make them less so. Your trainer should be nipping this in the bud if public shaming is happening in the classroom, it is unprofessional. But advocate for yourself on the lowest level, you'll find that a lot more can be done on that side.

[Lemonvariable72]

Well that's the funny part drippy boy, I haven't had barely any contact with these women period and the questions I do ask are entirely professional and work related. Have you ever dealt with bulling before?

Being a 1/2 korean, growing up in a small post war with Japan, Korea and Vietnam southern town in fl with what was simply called a 'slow learning diablity' in the 80's. No not at all. I did not get beat by white bullies, at school, I was not the source of days upon endless days of endless bullying in my own neighborhood, by the kids there. Because in the 80's southern states were if nothing else tolerant.

So when I say stop asking stupid questions and stop creeping people out I have ABSOLUTLY no basis in which to tell you these things will work.

If you are indeed high functioning you should to be able to think a little more systematically and without so much emotion as the rest. Identify the triggers the set off the sheep and avoid them. Learn to blend in. Don't be a pompous ass just because you have a few extra challenges than everyone else. Take what others deem a disability learn to use the benfits and minimize and mange the draw back and be successful with your gift. That is the validation you will really want. Not to have people to just pretend you're their kind of normal.

Drich let me level with you. This isnt something that is funny and because you think its I can't take anything you say seriously. I understand you had your troubles in the past as well, but let me tell you, I have been in this situation before too and of does not work. Once someone picks you as a target, it doesn't matter of you change that one behavior or not because even if you do change they will just find another reason so long as your still a target. That is the trick here, make yourself not a target any more in a responsible way.