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Ok this is for Minimalist
#1
Ok this is for Minimalist
A city banker has just lost billions, the bank is just about to fold, thousands of people will be laid off and the country could be plunged into a recession, all because of him. He's sitting at his desk on the 37th floor and he decides there is nothing else for it. He opens the window, looks down at the pavement below and is just about to jump when a voice shouts, "Stop!" He looks around to see the oldest, dirtiest woman he's ever seen standing in the doorway.

"I am your fairy godmother, and I can get you out of this mess on one condition."

"Go on," he says.

I can put all the money back in the bank, I can undo all that has gone wrong, but there is one thing you must do first."

"Okay" says the banker, thinking he'd do anything. "What do I have to do?"
"I'll wave my magic wand and right all your wrongs," she says, "but first you have to make love to me."

And, with that, the dirty hag rips off all her clothes. Her tits reach her belly, her belly reaches past her fanny, her skanky skinny butt hangs over her thighs, which sag over her knees. Her skin is grey from dirt and there is a disgusting smell coming from somewhere.

The banker starts to heave, but thinks, "Oh well, if it'll get me out of trouble?" so he pushes her back over his desk.

She opens her legs and he discovers where the smell is coming from. Her fanny hair is matted with filth, her fanny itself is covered in scabs and the whole thing smells like a fish market.

"This is not going to be easy," thinks the banker, but he closes his eyes and remembers his lovely wife. Then he thinks about his secretary, the kids' teachers, the receptionist, and after a while he is able to close his eyes, gets used to the smell, and gets wood. He mounts up and starts banging the dirty old wrinkly fairy for all he's worth.

Looking down, he sees the old woman staring up at him with a half smile on her face. "What?" he asks her.

"Oh nothing," she says. "It's just, I was just thinking, aren't you a bit old to believe in fairies? I'm the cleaner."
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#2
RE: Ok this is for Minimalist
...see this is why you should ask for proof before accepting weird fairy tales
Quote:To know yet to think that one does not know is best; Not to know yet to think that one knows will lead to difficulty.
- Lau Tzu

Join me on atheistforums Slack Cool Shades (pester tibs via pm if you need invite) Tongue

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#3
RE: Ok this is for Minimalist
Eh, you were funnier as a creatard parody. Go back to that; that's your bread and butter.
I can't remember where this verse is from, I think it got removed from canon:

"I don't hang around with mostly men because I'm gay. It's because men are better than women. Better trained, better equipped...better. Just better! I'm not gay."

For context, this is the previous verse:

"Hi Jesus" -robvalue
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#4
RE: Ok this is for Minimalist
This'll be good.
In every country and every age, the priest had been hostile to Liberty.
- Thomas Jefferson
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#5
RE: Ok this is for Minimalist
I resent your sexist joke
The fool hath said in his heart, There is a God. They are corrupt, they have done abominable works, there is none that doeth good.
Psalm 14, KJV revised edition

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#6
RE: Ok this is for Minimalist
Isn't this a violation of the forum rules - Calling out?
Whoever fights monsters should see to it that in the process he does not become a monster. And if you gaze long enough into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you

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#7
RE: Ok this is for Minimalist
(October 27, 2014 at 6:32 pm)Blackout Wrote: Isn't this a violation of the forum rules - Calling out?

Is it so? Then I am very sorry Mister Blackout Sir. Please don't let them ban me Sad
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#8
RE: Ok this is for Minimalist
(October 27, 2014 at 6:43 pm)Christian Wrote:
(October 27, 2014 at 6:32 pm)Blackout Wrote: Isn't this a violation of the forum rules - Calling out?

Is it so? Then I am very sorry Mister Blackout Sir. Please don't let them ban me Sad

You seem to be keen on becoming a martyr to up your Christian streed cred Wink Shades

But srsly, this is not a bannable offense Tongue
The fool hath said in his heart, There is a God. They are corrupt, they have done abominable works, there is none that doeth good.
Psalm 14, KJV revised edition

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#9
RE: Ok this is for Minimalist
You're naimless. No doubt.
I can't remember where this verse is from, I think it got removed from canon:

"I don't hang around with mostly men because I'm gay. It's because men are better than women. Better trained, better equipped...better. Just better! I'm not gay."

For context, this is the previous verse:

"Hi Jesus" -robvalue
Reply
#10
RE: Ok this is for Minimalist
That's an oldie but a goodie.

I've heard it in many variations.
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