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Any advice?
#1
Any advice?
So, my mom is fairly Catholic, and my dad is... some sort of strange Protestant thing. (I'm not really sure.) I'm a 13-year-old girl, and I first started actually questioning my religion (Catholic) at around 9-10 when I started reading more books, and exposing myself to other opinion and thoughts. I really loved reading and thinking about what I read. I'm able to read at a fairly high level for my age, and reading opened my eyes. I matured and felt more and more like a fool when I had to act religious. (I go to a Catholic school and I have to go to Mass once or twice a week.) The more I thought, the more I disbelieved that a God had impregnated a virgin with himself who was also his son; and that we should eat his body and blood for redemption. To use an expression from the book 1984, I basically had to doublethink. I have been dropping hints to my mom about my non-Catholism; I have get Confirmed, and I argued with her briefly about this before agreeing to get Confirmed, because I am under her roof and her jurisdiction. However, I wasn't fully agnostic then, as I am now. I have to choose a high school soon, and I was discussing this with her, when I told her I didn't believe in being Catholic, etc. She became upset and told me, well, basically that she was disappointed that I had dismissed what she had tried to instill in me. I told her that I could be a good person without religion, and the discussion continued on for a bit. (She is a scientist, which confuses me as to how she can be intelligent, but believe such crap.) I could see that she was hurt by this, and she genuinely is a very good mother. I don't want to insult my mom or her beliefs, but I could tell she felt insulted; she felt like I was telling her that her beliefs and the beliefs she tried to instill in me were wrong. I hate that she feels like this. Most people don't want to hurt their mother. Any advice for dealing with her? Any advice for getting through the school year, trying to pray to a God that I don't believe in? Any general advice for high school, which may or may not be Catholic?Thanks for taking the time to read this long post.
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#2
RE: Any advice?
Yeah, I think that's a reaction that a lot of people get when they come out as a non-believer. It can be pretty tough. I can't really offer too much advice, because this is still something I'm dealing with.

Quick questions: are you overtly out as agnostic atheist? Like, is there any doubt in your family's minds? Or have you left some doubt? If you have, it.might help to take things slowly, just dropping hints at first.

Oh, and +1 for mention of 1984/doublethink.
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#3
RE: Any advice?
That is a toughy. Basically you do have to deal with the "my house, my rules" thing. (My Mom came to visit me once from Ohio down to Texas and I pulled that on my Mom Cool Shades)

I believe, at least for the time being, you are stuck playing the game. It may be better than upsetting Mom who can make your life miserable. Praying is easy, just bow your head and think of where you would rather be. Hopefully you do not get stuck in a catholic school.
You make people miserable and there's nothing they can do about it, just like god.
-- Homer Simpson

God has no place within these walls, just as facts have no place within organized religion.
-- Superintendent Chalmers

Science is like a blabbermouth who ruins a movie by telling you how it ends. There are some things we don't want to know. Important things.
-- Ned Flanders

Once something's been approved by the government, it's no longer immoral.
-- The Rev Lovejoy
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#4
RE: Any advice?
(January 13, 2015 at 9:46 pm)DeadChannel Wrote: Quick questions: are you overtly out as agnostic atheist? Like, is there any doubt in your family's minds? Or have you left some doubt? If you have, it.might help to take things slowly, just dropping hints at first.

Oh, and +1 for mention of 1984/doublethink.

Well, I really only talked to my mom, because she's the religious one; and I think she knows I'm fairly sure, as I said something along the lines of, "Religion has held humanity back several times." Probably wasn't very wise to say that right then. I did drop hints, but those didn't work very well. She thought I was just being lazy.
Oh, and thank you for my first 'kudos'. Smile I read the book 1984 and loved it; it manages to be relevant, no matter the era, and you can draw so many parallels, and it's just very well-written...
I just love books.-focus, girl-
Just a quick question: How does the kudos system work?

(January 13, 2015 at 9:47 pm)IATIA Wrote: That is a toughy. Basically you do have to deal with the "my house, my rules" thing. (My Mom came to visit me once from Ohio down to Texas and I pulled that on my Mom Cool Shades)

I believe, at least for the time being, you are stuck playing the game. It may be better than upsetting Mom who can make your life miserable. Praying is easy, just bow your head and think of where you would rather be. Hopefully you do not get stuck in a catholic school.
Thanks.
She's been pretty much the same, a little chillier, but that's all.
I kind of want to go to this catholic school, as it has a really good art program and such, but it's catholic...
I'll probably just deal with it. ~shrug~
Thanks. Smile
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#5
RE: Any advice?
Quote:well, basically that she was disappointed that I had dismissed what she had tried to instill in me.

And there is your answer. It's not about you. It's about her. Difficult because as you say you are stuck under her roof for now and teenage years are tough enough without that kind of bullshit going on.

This won't help with the dilemma but you sound like you need a laugh.



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#6
RE: Any advice?
I'm new here too, so I'm still figuring that out. From what I can gather, you can give kudos to posts or people (by going to their profile). Kudos given to a person's profile show up beside their name every time they post. Someone can probably clear that up for you better than I can, though.

Oh, and I'm totally willing to nerd out on Orwell or any of his contemporaries whenever. I'm reading "Homage to Catalonia" right now, which is Orwell's first hand account of the time he spent during the Spanish civil war. It's very informative, but also a total breeze to read. Worth checking out if you haven't already.
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#7
RE: Any advice?
I admire anyone who can figure this stuff out as young as you did. Not because it's rare, but because it took me considerably longer to see what was staring me in the face for so many years.
(January 13, 2015 at 9:32 pm)Roxy904 Wrote: I could see that she was hurt by this, and she genuinely is a very good mother.
That is one of the ways that religion harms people. It is driving a wedge between you and your mother because her belief system is inflexible, as religious beliefs can often be. In lieu of showing you why her beliefs are true and convincing you that she is right, she must use emotion and indignation to try to guilt you into toeing the line.

You are in a tough spot because of your age, but I think that since the cat is out of the bag you should continue to try to discuss the issue and how you feel. Avoid arguments at any cost, as they are a sure way of letting anger get the best of you and can lead to saying or doing things that you will regret. But be up front with her and give her a chance to explain to you exactly why she believes what she does. Let her expose the weakness of her position and the flimsy foundation for her beliefs.

Trying to fake your way through it seems like a bad idea, since she already knows how you feel and since you probably have four or five years of going through the motions, and that can cause considerably more stress and anxiety than just dealing with it honestly yet cautiously.

(January 13, 2015 at 10:12 pm)DeadChannel Wrote: I'm new here too, so I'm still figuring that out. From what I can gather, you can give kudos to posts or people (by going to their profile). Kudos given to a person's profile show up beside their name every time they post. Someone can probably clear that up for you better than I can, though.
You can add a kudos to a post by clicking the little thumbs-up symbol at the bottom of the post in question. That is only for the specific post. You can add to a person's reputation by clicking the "Rate" button at the bottom of the post. That rep is the green number at the upper right, under the person's join date, and applies to the person and not just a specific post.
"Well, evolution is a theory. It is also a fact. And facts and theories are different things, not rungs in a hierarchy of increasing certainty. Facts are the world's data. Theories are structures of ideas that explain and interpret facts. Facts don't go away when scientists debate rival theories to explain them. Einstein's theory of gravitation replaced Newton's in this century, but apples didn't suspend themselves in midair, pending the outcome. And humans evolved from ape- like ancestors whether they did so by Darwin's proposed mechanism or by some other yet to be discovered."

-Stephen Jay Gould
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#8
RE: Any advice?
And a little more humor. Here is a classic.



You make people miserable and there's nothing they can do about it, just like god.
-- Homer Simpson

God has no place within these walls, just as facts have no place within organized religion.
-- Superintendent Chalmers

Science is like a blabbermouth who ruins a movie by telling you how it ends. There are some things we don't want to know. Important things.
-- Ned Flanders

Once something's been approved by the government, it's no longer immoral.
-- The Rev Lovejoy
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#9
RE: Any advice?
This is just really quick because I am supposed to working. I find this so ironic because directly after I talk to you all, I start filling out a Catholic high school application. First question is about the values of a Catholic education. I'm lying so hard on this. I really want to write about mass and how it's a good place to take a nap, but, no...
Gone
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#10
RE: Any advice?
I've gotten in a lot of shit for filling out assignments with sarcastic answers. It's pretty great.
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