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Changing is harder than I thought
March 3, 2015 at 10:45 pm
As of now I am 16. As a child I have was raised a Jehovah's Witness. Yes I am forced to do the crazy knocking on doors. Yes I am still forced to go to the meetings. Yes I am forced to ignore the 'disfellowshipped' people and whatnot. But that doesn't bother me anymore. At about the age of 14, I got baptized. I had some doubts about my religion but they were few and far between and I was being pressured into it. So I took the plunge. Three months later, I had convinced myself I didn't believe in God. Since then life has been hard.
All of my friends are Witnesses since we are not supposed to really be around people outside our faith, and I feel like an outcast. I am a closet atheist and have made it very hard to see my lack of faith to other Witnesses. Every day I have to wake up with the thought that, when I turn 18, I will have to tell my parents of my disbelief and be forced to lose contact with them. I will have to leave home, abandon my good friends and everything I have ever known. To top it off, I will have to leave the girl I have loved for three years now.
It would be so nice to think that I could continue this charade for the rest of my life. I can't go on being told that "Natural disasters are caused by Satan" and that wicked people will be wiped out by the mystical bring who has a lower IQ than Forrest Gump. How do I deal with this situation? I'm not blind to the fact that I will get over my friends being gone and the girl I truly believe I love. How can I get over my family? What if the next time I see my father, he is laying in a casket?
Has anyone been through anything similar? I try to be accepting my situation, but no matter how brave I try to be, it instills fear in me like nothing I have ever experienced.
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RE: Changing is harder than I thought
March 3, 2015 at 11:00 pm
The people who say you cannot choose your family are wrong. It's a tough decision to make, though.
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RE: Changing is harder than I thought
March 3, 2015 at 11:04 pm
Man, that sounds like a nightmare. I am so sorry you have to deal with that.
Forgive me if I'm ignorant of your situation, but is it possible to go to a state college? I know JW families tend to be insular, but would it spark any controversy if you went to college and started your life in a way that isn't dependent on your parents? Maybe you can just not tell them? I know that is deceitful, but if it makes all parties happier, it might be an option.
Do you think this girl you love might go with you to college? Can you have serious conversations with her that express your doubts? Would she leave you if she knew it wasn't your choice?
I can completely understand these fears. It is one of the most disgusting parts of religion, that families are ripped apart like this. I am truly sorry.
Oh, 
I hope you stick around. You'll find a place to vent here.
"There remain four irreducible objections to religious faith: that it wholly misrepresents the origins of man and the cosmos, that because of this original error it manages to combine the maximum servility with the maximum of solipsism, that it is both the result and the cause of dangerous sexual repression, and that it is ultimately grounded on wish-thinking." ~Christopher Hitchens, god is not Great
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RE: Changing is harder than I thought
March 3, 2015 at 11:30 pm
That's a very sad story, young fellow. Religion sucks balls.
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RE: Changing is harder than I thought
March 3, 2015 at 11:30 pm
(March 3, 2015 at 11:04 pm)SteelCurtain Wrote: Man, that sounds like a nightmare. I am so sorry you have to deal with that.
Forgive me if I'm ignorant of your situation, but is it possible to go to a state college? I know JW families tend to be insular, but would it spark any controversy if you went to college and started your life in a way that isn't dependent on your parents? Maybe you can just not tell them? I know that is deceitful, but if it makes all parties happier, it might be an option.
Do you think this girl you love might go with you to college? Can you have serious conversations with her that express your doubts? Would she leave you if she knew it wasn't your choice?
I can completely understand these fears. It is one of the most disgusting parts of religion, that families are ripped apart like this. I am truly sorry.
Oh,
I hope you stick around. You'll find a place to vent here.
I appreciate the warm welcome  Sadly though, almost all those ideas would be hard to pull off. JWs are normally against campus based college because there are 'temptations' there. Lol. So that would most likely not work. Also, the girl I spoke of is what you call a 'pioneer', meaning that she devotes a ton of her time to her faith and if I mentioned any kind of disbelief, she would most definitely tell on me, no matter how she feels about me. At this point I believe my best option is to make as much money as possible and try and buy a house out of high school.
The only solution I can manage to think of is to escape my family before confrontation causes real drama. If I could find an apartment, house (or a tiny house) I could avoid breaking my parents hearts and just leaving... I'm just glad I can talk about how I feel here bottling up my thoughts haven't been good for my health.
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RE: Changing is harder than I thought
March 3, 2015 at 11:39 pm
(March 3, 2015 at 11:30 pm)Redpandazzz Wrote: I appreciate the warm welcome Sadly though, almost all those ideas would be hard to pull off. JWs are normally against campus based college because there are 'temptations' there. Lol. So that would most likely not work. Also, the girl I spoke of is what you call a 'pioneer', meaning that she devotes a ton of her time to her faith and if I mentioned any kind of disbelief, she would most definitely tell on me, no matter how she feels about me. At this point I believe my best option is to make as much money as possible and try and buy a house out of high school.
The only solution I can manage to think of is to escape my family before confrontation causes real drama. If I could find an apartment, house (or a tiny house) I could avoid breaking my parents hearts and just leaving... I'm just glad I can talk about how I feel here bottling up my thoughts haven't been good for my health.
No one should have to go through any of that. Dammit.
You said "normally" JW are against campus colleges, but even if it would ruffle some feathers, would it destroy your relationship totally like telling them? Could you frame it as something faith related? You really want to be a doctor? Or a lawyer to help JW families, or something that doesn't make it seem like you are leaving the church? Also, it seems that just leaving would break their hearts just the same. Are you sure they'd disown you if you were disfellowshipped?
With the girlfriend situation, I know it's tough to hear, but if you cannot be yourself with a person, no matter how hard it is, you should let her go. For her sake as well as yours. If she would out you for even discussing doubts, not even saying you don't believe, but just asking questions, then she can't feel the same way about you that you feel about her. If you don't feel the relationship is tenable, then why hold on to it?
Is it at all possible to have a distant relationship with your parents if you left the area after you turn 18? This way you can still be in contact with them, but not be entrapped by the JW cult?
"There remain four irreducible objections to religious faith: that it wholly misrepresents the origins of man and the cosmos, that because of this original error it manages to combine the maximum servility with the maximum of solipsism, that it is both the result and the cause of dangerous sexual repression, and that it is ultimately grounded on wish-thinking." ~Christopher Hitchens, god is not Great
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RE: Changing is harder than I thought
March 3, 2015 at 11:49 pm
(March 3, 2015 at 11:39 pm)SteelCurtain Wrote: (March 3, 2015 at 11:30 pm)Redpandazzz Wrote: I appreciate the warm welcome Sadly though, almost all those ideas would be hard to pull off. JWs are normally against campus based college because there are 'temptations' there. Lol. So that would most likely not work. Also, the girl I spoke of is what you call a 'pioneer', meaning that she devotes a ton of her time to her faith and if I mentioned any kind of disbelief, she would most definitely tell on me, no matter how she feels about me. At this point I believe my best option is to make as much money as possible and try and buy a house out of high school.
The only solution I can manage to think of is to escape my family before confrontation causes real drama. If I could find an apartment, house (or a tiny house) I could avoid breaking my parents hearts and just leaving... I'm just glad I can talk about how I feel here bottling up my thoughts haven't been good for my health.
No one should have to go through any of that. Dammit.
You said "normally" JW are against campus colleges, but even if it would ruffle some feathers, would it destroy your relationship totally like telling them? Could you frame it as something faith related? You really want to be a doctor? Or a lawyer to help JW families, or something that doesn't make it seem like you are leaving the church? Also, it seems that just leaving would break their hearts just the same. Are you sure they'd disown you if you were disfellowshipped?
With the girlfriend situation, I know it's tough to hear, but if you cannot be yourself with a person, no matter how hard it is, you should let her go. For her sake as well as yours. If she would out you for even discussing doubts, not even saying you don't believe, but just asking questions, then she can't feel the same way about you that you feel about her. If you don't feel the relationship is tenable, then why hold on to it?
Is it at all possible to have a distant relationship with your parents if you left the area after you turn 18? This way you can still be in contact with them, but not be entrapped by the JW cult?
I appreciate all the support. I don't believe I would receive any support by means of going to a college campus. They are far too against that idea to even think about it. It's not just the thought of their poor baby going and doing something that God wouldn't like, it is the pressure they would receive from other JWs for letting me go.
Also, I totally understand I have to let her go, and I will, but I have never been able to force myself to stop feeling the way i feel for her, and I've been trying for over two years now. JWs are brainwashed heavily into believing that being around people who do not share your faith are going to influence you negatively. After I state my beliefs to my parents, that's it. They will never speak a word to me. They will not write a letter. None of that. I will be publicly disfellowshipped at a meeting one night and nobody will talk to me again after that.
That's is the reason why I have been having so much stress. Thinking that those events will occur in less than two years terrifies me. It is going to be as if I was thrown into an alien world. I guess the saying is right, you must lose everything before you can gain anything...
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RE: Changing is harder than I thought
March 4, 2015 at 12:47 am
You could always enlist.
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RE: Changing is harder than I thought
March 4, 2015 at 1:08 am
I second that.
The military isn't for everyone but it's definitely a ticket to independence.
Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.
Albert Einstein
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RE: Changing is harder than I thought
March 4, 2015 at 1:37 am
No joke---enlisting is a fantastic option. You'll get some fantastic real world experience, you'll get to see the world, you wont have any rent, medical, or food expenses, and you'll go to college on the government's dime. I would recommend the Navy or the Air Force if you'd prefer a lower chance of getting shot at. I was in the Navy for 11 years, and I got to do some amazing things, meet some amazing people, and visit some amazing places. It wasn't all great, but most of it was. Seriously, there is no better way for people to experience culture shock than when you have to all learn military culture together. Everyone is going through culture shock together. You will be going through it a little more than the others, but your skin will be so thick and the freedom to be yourself will be so great that you'll be just fine.
If you are sure that your family will never speak to you again, then this is the best way to break clean without being homeless and having no purpose.
Also, if you join the military when you turn 18, you can just tell your parents unequivocally that you are doing that as an adult. You don't necessarily need to disclose that you are an atheist, do you? I don't know if that would mitigate the fallout or not.
I feel for you, man. This cannot be easy for you. Just know that it does get easier.
"There remain four irreducible objections to religious faith: that it wholly misrepresents the origins of man and the cosmos, that because of this original error it manages to combine the maximum servility with the maximum of solipsism, that it is both the result and the cause of dangerous sexual repression, and that it is ultimately grounded on wish-thinking." ~Christopher Hitchens, god is not Great
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