I'm in Love with a Theist

[Wolf Denn]

Hello everyone! I guess I'll just jump right into this because it is weighing heavily on my mind at the moment. I haven't always been an atheist. I started to question things about my "faith" several years ago but didn't identify, at least to myself, as an atheist until a year or so ago. Up until then I considered myself agnostic. Okay, that is a brief enough bit of background for this post. Well, other than: I am in love with a theist.

During the course of the last few years I have become more and more sure of where I stand as far as my religious beliefs. What a swell time for this huge change in my life to occur because on top of that I have been dating this wonderful girl for a little over 8 months now. I love her and would do absolutely anything for her. She is sincerely my dream girl in every way: she's beautiful, funny, a goof, smart, enjoys video games, and we have a common interest in theatre. The only thing is her and her whole family are devout Christians. Now, my family is mostly Catholic, and most of them aren't even aware of my views but that's another story. I've met her family on several occasions and let me tell you, her mom thinks ill of me. The rest of her family, if they think poorly of me, do not express it in my company. Anyways, back to my girl friend. We've only talked about religion and our differences several times and we plan to discuss it in greater depth tomorrow. Tomorrow being Friday, 8 May 2015. So far our differences has not interfered with our relationship but I want this to be THE relationship. I haven't had many real relationships before but I know this one is something I do not want to lose. I understand this situation may present issues down the road but I'm willing to face anything to make this work.

A few months ago, we talked on the phone on the subject (which in hindsight was the wrong medium to conduct this conversation - will only take place in person from now on). She mentioned to me that she was "confused" about her something with her religion. She said she felt like her relationship with God wasn't what it should be. I, being new to both atheism and relationships, got a little too excited hearing my girl friend say she might be questioning her religious beliefs. I don't need her to be like-minded in this way for me to love her or want to be with her, but needless to say (odd - I'm going to say it anyway), it would make things a hell of a lot easier. I started talking about what I believe and I think I came on a bit strong. She already knew I am an atheist but at the moment it seemed like I was trying to convert her. I admit, it definitely appeared that way, but in truth I was just excited and wanted to show her it isn't a bad thing or something to be ashamed of. I sent us spiraling backwards, away from any progress we may have been making in our ability to discuss our religious differences.

All of this to say: the time for me to once again take part in the discussion of differences with my significant other is on the horizon and frankly, I'm scared. Not terrified. But worried, at least. I don't want to start an argument with her but there is some serious ground both of us need to cover in explaining our beliefs or lack-there-of. I wanted to post this here for two reasons: 1) I wanted to get this off my chest and written down something fierce, and 2) I am seeking help/advice/wisdom from everyone here. I want this conversation and the relationship in its entirety to go smoothly. I don't want to lose the girl of my dreams over something as silly as this. I don't honestly think it will come to that but part of me is a little concerned of that possibility, no matter how minuscule it is.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated! And don't hesitate to ask any questions if you feel I may have forgotten something or if you're curious!

Thanks!

-Wolf

[Minimalist]

As Shakespeare said:  "to thine own self be true."

If she prefers her fairy tales to you then there is not much there to begin with.

[Whateverist]

I wouldn't want to have kids with someone who was big on religion but friendship or a long term intimate relationship with a dedicated empty nester like myself? Sure, why not?

[CapnAwesome]

I thought that you meant A Theist the forum member here. Phew. Real advice: don't worry about it too much.

[Whateverist]

Oh hell no. Nice enough guy under those fedoras but I have a much stronger revulsion to people who disagree with me politically than I do with theists.

[Jericho]

My girlfriend is a devout Christian, and we get along fine. We've been together for quite some time, and the only time that religion ever came up was in the start of our relationship. I told her that I was an atheist and she said she didn't care and that she loved me.

And that's all she wrote.

[Wolf Denn]

As Shakespeare said:  "to thine own self be true."

If she prefers her fairy tales to you then there is not much there to begin with.

Well that's the thing. I've asked her and she says I come before God for her.

---

I wouldn't want to have kids with someone who was big on religion but friendship or a long term intimate relationship with a dedicated empty nester like myself?  Sure, why not?

Therein lies a problem I foresee in the future. It's something we are both aware of. I have a feeling it won't be as terrible as I'm envisioning it, though. She knows where I stand as far as how I want to raise my kids and hopefully with enough discussion on it we will come to an understanding.

---

My girlfriend is a devout Christian, and we get along fine.  We've been together for quite some time, and the only time that religion ever came up was in the start of our relationship.  I told her that I was an atheist and she said she didn't care and that she loved me.

And that's all she wrote.

That's actually quite similar to how it goes with us as well! How are things with her family? Are they also Christian? Her family is more of what I am really concerned about, I suppose.

[ignoramus]

Min is right but many times, life is full of compromises.
Eg, my 2 sisters and I grew up with a Greek religious mum.
Since little kids, none of us kids believed any of the bull.
As we grew up, we were happy to just make her happy.
We took her to church, baptised the kids in a Greek church, etc.
All this was just so she can be happy. It meant nothing to us.
We'd then promptly drop her off home, and pissed of in our own directions and rage on!
No harm was done, everybody wins.
All I'm saying is: do what you need to do to be happy.
There is no Atheist "god" you're going to upset by going along with the bullshit.
You're just making life easy for everybody.
She'll probably love you more for making this small sacrifice just for "her".
And she's probably a cafe christian anyway....

[AFTT47]

She is sincerely my dream girl in every way: she's beautiful, funny, a goof, smart, enjoys video games, and we have a common interest in theatre.

Let me tell you something you probably don't want to hear: The very concept of a 'dream girl' or 'dream guy' isn't much more realistic than the concept of God. There are probably thousands of girls you could be reasonably happy with (if you could find them) but not one of them will be a 'dream girl'. People are very complex and they change. No two people are going to be a perfect match. There will always be compromises. It's only a question of how much either party is willing to compromise. There is no fairy tale.

[Jericho]

That's actually quite similar to how it goes with us as well! How are things with her family? Are they also Christian? Her family is more of what I am really concerned about, I suppose.

Well, as far as we are concerned, her parents don't need to know. The only thing that she wants me to be able to do is have a wedding at a church with both our families there (typical wedding). I agreed since it really doesn't matter to me.