[rant] Gave church 5 months to answer my questions. What was I thinking?

[IanHulett]

So, back in January, I became an atheist, but I decided to continue attending church. I kept going for three reasons:

1. I wanted to be with my girlfriend
   
2. To give the church one final chance to bring me back, in hopes I'd get answers to my questions and see evidence
   
3. Because they offer food every weekend (I know. I'm greedy.)
   

What was I thinking?

Despite my girlfriend being there, I still say I ended up wasting time because I could spend any other time of the week with her, but I chose sunday, at church where we barely talk, add to that the feeling that I was participating in indoctrinating young impressionable children, because 1) I didn't want the teacher who knew I was an atheist to think I was turning people from their... uh... religion, and 2) me and my girlfriend would attend sunday school in hopes of interacting with each other more. I feel selfish because of that. I would participate in teaching children fairy tales as historical fact rather than teach reasoning and critical thinking skills just so I could be with my girlfriend. I ended up going with the flow because if I taught critical thinking to the kids, and that critical thinking ended up bringing them to Atheism, I'd probably never be welcomed to the church again because Atheism is this "horrible disease" and viewed as pure evil instead of something beneficial to society, and the teachers would have to undo the "damage" I've done with even MORE indoctrinating, or maybe, because they're so young, intimidation. "You're gonna burn in hell if you don't stop questioning what we're shoving down your throat." In fact, we're sew ay-val that we can't run for public office in some states.

Now I know how the YouTube atheists felt when I was christian spreading the "Good news of da lawd." Now that I have experienced that annoyance myself, along with feeling no freedom whatsoever, I can honestly say I'm sorry to those I've pushed my religious beliefs on... sincerely.

So, since I didn't get the answers I was looking for, and I don't feel free in Church anymore, considering I have to keep my hell trap shut about ANY sort of reasoning and critical thinking and opposing arguments to the existence of God, I think I've decided enough is enough. So, today was my last time attending church. I honestly think that by continuing to go there after my deconversion, I wasted some of the little time I have remaining of my life. Well, thanks to the internet, I don't think I need to feel trapped anymore. Hopefully by leaving church officially, I can let go of that "feeling" god exists. Either that, or I need to move out, considering there's still a bit of religious influence in my house.

God, I can't wait until atheists are the majority.

...end rant...

[SteelCurtain]

Not sure that's happening any time soon.

But, glad you're back. I wouldn't feel like I wasted time if I were searching for my own truth. If I have to make sure I have all the information, then I will do that. You didn't waste 5 months, IMO. You were doing worthwhile work.

[AFTT47]

Keep seeking, IanHullet. Don't take your church or us as gospel. Use your own brain and YOU decide.

[robvalue]

Welcome back Ian

It must be hard to sit there and say nothing while indoctrination is going on. Any belief system which discourages questions is highly suspicious to me.