shit happens

[josef rosenkranz]

SHIT HAPPENS
Close-to-complete Ideology and Religion Shit List
Taoism: Shit happens.
Confucianism: Confucius say, "Shit happens."
Buddhism: If shit happens, it isn't really shit.
Zen Buddhism: Shit is, and is not.
Zen Buddhism #2: What is the sound of shit happening?
Hinduism: This shit has happened before.
Islam: If shit happens, it is the will of Allah.
Islam #2: If shit happens, kill the person responsible.
Islam #3: If shit happens, blame Israel.
Catholicism: If shit happens, you deserve it.
Protestantism: Let shit happen to someone else.
Presbyterian: This shit was bound to happen.
Episcopalian: It's not so bad if shit happens, as long as you serve the right wine with it.
Methodist: It's not so bad if shit happens, as long as you serve grape juice with it.
Congregationalist: Shit that happens to one person is just as good as shit that happens to another.
Unitarian: Shit that happens to one person is just as bad as shit that happens to another.
Lutheran: If shit happens, don't talk about it.
Fundamentalism: If shit happens, you will go to hell, unless you are born again. (Amen!)
Fundamentalism #2: If shit happens to a televangelist, it's okay.
Fundamentalism #3: Shit must be born again.
Judaism: Why does this shit always happen to us?
Calvinism: Shit happens because you don't work.
Seventh Day Adventism: No shit shall happen on Saturday.
Creationism: God made all shit.
Secular Humanism: Shit evolves.
Christian Science: When shit happens, don't call a doctor - pray!
Christian Science #2: Shit happening is all in your mind.
Unitarianism: Come let us reason together about this shit.
Quakers: Let us not fight over this shit.
Utopianism: This shit does not stink.
Darwinism: This shit was once food.
Capitalism: That's MY shit.
Communism: It's everybody's shit.
Feminism: Men are shit.
Chauvinism: We may be shit, but you can't live without us...
Commercialism: Let's package this shit.
Impressionism: From a distance, shit looks like a garden.
Idolism: Let's bronze this shit.
Existentialism: Shit doesn't happen; shit IS.
Existentialism #2: What is shit, anyway?
Stoicism: This shit is good for me.
Hedonism: There is nothing like a good shit happening!
Mormonism: God sent us this shit.
Mormonism #2: This shit is going to happen again.
Wiccan: An it harm none, let shit happen.
Scientology: If shit happens, see "Dianetics", p.157.
Jehovah's Witnesses: >Knock< >Knock< Shit happens.
Jehovah's Witnesses #2: May we have a moment of your time to show you some of our shit?
Jehovah's Witnesses #3: Shit has been prophesied and is imminent; only the righteous shall survive its happening.
Moonies: Only really happy shit happens.
Hare Krishna: Shit happens, rama rama.
Rastafarianism: Let's smoke this shit!
Zoroastrianism: Shit happens half on the time.
Church of SubGenius: BoB shits.
Practical: Deal with shit one day at a time.
Agnostic: Shit might have happened; then again, maybe not.
Agnostic #2: Did someone shit?
Agnostic #3: What is this shit?
Satanism: SNEPPAH TIHS.
Atheism: What shit?
Atheism #2: I can't believe this shit!
Nihilism: No shit.


And of course we must add...Alcoholics Anonymous: Shit happens-one day at a time!

[Jason Jarred]

Hahahahahahaha.
Nothing like a bit of toilet humour to liven up your day!
Having stayed at a Hare Krishna camp (Govinda Valley outside of Sydney) for a weekend of Aikido practice, I found the "shit happens, rama-rama" rather amusing

[Tiberius]

I have most of these in poster form on my wall. My favourite from the poster:

Politically Correct: "Internally processed, nutritionally-drained biological output happens"

[HalcyonicTrust]

Lawofattraction/Thesecretism: 'If you think shit happens then it is so. If you think lovely clean shit then cleanliness will happen instead. But if you keep thinking "I don't want shit to happen I don't want shit to happen, shit doesn't happen, shit doesn't happen" then shit will happen then too. Because the universe doesn't hear the words don't' shit'. It doesn't know 'don't. It only knows do. It thinks you want it to make you shit (I don't know why don't ask me, only the magic genie knows. I have NO IDEA why the universe genie is so stupid that he hears don't as do, I have no idea why he's such a dumb prick. We have to have faith in this retarded universe of us 'Secret' believers).'
Well I did my best. Hard one to do and that pretty much stinks. Oh well, shit happens.

[Daystar]

No shit, josef . . . that was some good shit.

[Jason Jarred]

(26th November 2008 22:05)Daystar Wrote:  . . . that was some good shit.

Having grown up in the country in South Australia, it was common to say this after a good meal "that was good shit". On saying this in Sydney however, my friends eyes went wide before they broke out into hysterical laughter. I haven't said that in quite some time.

Ahhh....memories.