Ask a bored, formerly Jewish, overly opinionated submissive

[Jericho]

It's funny how this thread made me want to talk about my brief exposure to BDSM. I actually started getting into it about a year ago when I joined multiple websites and a few forums, though I never found one that I wanted to stay at. I actually identified as a Switch, though now I have no idea what to even call myself (since I've really never done any of that). I like finding others who are into it, at least a little bit.

Anyways, what got you into BDSM?

[thesummerqueen]

I think there'd always been something in me that enjoyed challenging others and being overpowered in a respectful way - I am particularly attracted to men who are scary-intelligent. I've also always enjoyed rough sex. My boyfriends through the years experimented with one or two things on the kink side, but it wasn't until my mid-20's or so that I really began figuring it out, and partially because of a couple people on this forum. I couldn't point to any one "aha!" moment - the learning process about myself and the things you can get into with it seems continual.

[Saxmoof]

Submission: in brief, I'm the sort of sub that causes trouble. I'm not obedient, and I act up on purpose. The men I submit to aren't the sort that play up to the overly-muscular Dom stereotype. They're not dressed in leather and barking orders and flailing whips. They're all wickedly intelligent, and they like being sassed by a smart woman. I don't worship. I yield...eventually. I make them work for breaking me down as much as they make me work to endure their untender mercies and for my own release. None of my Doms come to me because they want someone who will kneel for them automatically. They Dom me because I won't give in until they've given 110% of their clever cruelty, just like they won't give me my release until I've yielded to their satisfaction. 


The ebb and flow of power is so difficult to explain to people who stand outside of it - EL James could never comprehend it. 

I've been attracted to guys before in vaguer, more vanilla ways, but never with lasting permanence. It's definitely the Doms that keep my attention through the years. I don't know how to explain the need to be mastered by someone who can prove himself stronger than me - the release is part and parcel with finally surrendering after the guy has proved himself worthy. I want a guy who will stand up to me. It's that friction that always drives me to be better, to be smarter, to be stronger. I guess 'serving' them in ways is related to that, once they prove worth serving.

I've never fully understood the acting up on purpose thing, you made it sound quite sexy though. I suppose for me the assessment of a Domme's worthiness would come before entering a relationship with them rather than through challenging them - maybe sub-consciously, I could see myself doing that

It's all hypothetical for me though, my life has been on hold since I was 15 due to mental illness. I've pretty sure I know what qualities I would like in a domme and what kind of submissive I would be but i've no way of knowing what that would be like in practice

Your dog looks like Bill Maher

[thesummerqueen]

Your dog looks like Bill Maher

Lulz. That's a new one.

Yeah, I don't know. It's harder to explain than almost anything else in my life, and it's constantly evolving so the definition itself continues to be a moving goal post as I learn and change. I like punishment. [shrugs]

[paulpablo]

I think there'd always been something in me that enjoyed challenging others and being overpowered in a respectful way - I am particularly attracted to men who are scary-intelligent. I've also always enjoyed rough sex. My boyfriends through the years experimented with one or two things on the kink side, but it wasn't until my mid-20's or so that I really began figuring it out, and partially because of a couple people on this forum. I couldn't point to any one "aha!" moment - the learning process about myself and the things you can get into with it seems continual.

Is there a specific type of intelligence you're attracted to?

[thesummerqueen]

What do you mean?

[Longhorn]

Artificial, extraterrestrial...

[paulpablo]

What do you mean?

I don't know if type of intelligence is a good way to put it, what I mean is what characteristics do you look for that express a persons intelligence.  So would you esquire about a persons academic qualifications and IQ test results or look for other characteristics and evidence of intelligence ?

[thesummerqueen]

I don't date or sleep with people without having established some sort of friendship with them, and can generally tell when someone is smart vs bullshitting. How do they process and intake information? What kind of information? Do they actively continue the education process? How do they synthesize information and what do they come up with? Are they skeptical? What kind of job do they have and why? That sort of thing.

---

I mean really, asking for their test results or academic qualifications makes it sound like I'm asking for their pay stubs. Geez.

[Saxmoof]

Yeah, I don't know. It's harder to explain than almost anything else in my life, and it's constantly evolving so the definition itself continues to be a moving goal post as I learn and change. I like punishment. [shrugs]

I think i would like punishment but only if I felt or could be made to feel like I deserve it, it's all about behaviour modification for me which is probably why I identify as a submissive and not a masochist although i'm clearly both

Could you submit to a religious person? I don't think I could, I would need to respect or ideally look up to the person i'm submitting to's intelligence