The Mental Illness Thread

[c172]

@c172 regarding PTSD, it can be a result of a series of "small" traumas.  Combat-related PTSD grabs all the headlines, but the disorder is much more than that.

Cthu, thank you very much for that. I have long assumed that tobe the case, but was never sure. I live in San Diego, a major military city in a state with money problems related to being able to treat mental health. So we are often face to face with war vets that have had "shell shock", literally.

[Longhorn]

I have primarly obsessional OCD and my biggest obsessions are cleanliness and sexuality, and also health. Apart from that there are other anxiety issues and I've been on and off suicidal for some time.

but I already made a thread so I should shut up

[Whateverist]

I had a bout of depression that lasted a couple years. I'm fortunate that it isn't something I worry about recurring, and it hasn't in more than 30 years. I remember being shocked to discover that nothing I'd loved to do before becoming depressed had any attraction for me. Social situations were hard and I became withdrawn. The weed I was smoking in the year or so preceding my depression seems to have brought on a manic state which soon faded to depression. I have to say highs have less appeal for me now. It just wouldn't be worth rocking the boat.

So sorry for my friends here who have had to endure that retched condition for so long. Hopefully meds and therapy have at least lessened the effects.

[robvalue]

I'm very sorry to hear about what everyone has gone through. Anyone is welcome to PM me if they want a sympathetic ear.

I went through a bout of suicidal depression (constantly thinking about it but managing not to act) when I was younger, due to how my parents were treating me. After some cognitive behaviour therapy, anti-depressants and finally moving away from my parents, I recovered. Then about 8 years ago I got ME (chronic fatigue syndrome) and it brought my life to a grinding halt. I've been unable to work since then, and it has destroyed my life. The depression came back shortly after I got ME, and has been there ever since. I've been suicidal (but again managing not to act on it) pretty much all that time, including now. If no one would be much affected by my disappearance, I would be planning my suicide right now. But I've promised I won't do that to my wife, and that promise has made me hang on. I went through the very worst of it about 5 years ago, I felt like I was at hell's gate. I literally could not stop myself thinking about suicide 24 hours a day, and could barely think about anything else. I can only describe that level of depression as a kind of continuous mental torture where time slows down to prolong the agony. How I got through that I will never know, and without my wife sticking by me I certainly wouldn't have. Things are much more manageable compared to how I was then. I still have what I consider to be a negative standard of life, but that was like approaching minus infinity.

I'm on an extremely high dose of anti-depressants, and I'm under the care of a mental health team. I should be getting a new series of therapy sessions soon, new version of CBT I am told. I drag myself through life for the benefit of those around me, and I try my hardest to enjoy myself a bit and do what little I can to improve the world. I push myself to keep positive, so much so that I've had numerous comments that I "don't look depressed". Without that push I would curl up in a ball and never get up, or throw myself off a cliff.

[ignoramus]

fuck man~ you hide it well!

[robvalue]

Thank you I have to always fight it and put it in it's place, if I wallow in it then I'll be consumed. Some days it feels like the bottom drops out, and for no particular reason, my depression goes to the extreme. Since there are no thoughts to analyze like I've learnt to do, and I lose what little enjoyment I get while doing anything, all I can do is wait it out until my mind manages to get a grip again. Lately the number of days I've been like that have been somewhat lower, thankfully! Maybe I'm making some progress mentally, if not with my ME. Although I do manage to look after my bunnies and walk the dog most days now, which I am proud of. That's about all I can do in a day, I have to push myself really hard to do very much else and I then pay for it the next day(s).

On days like today I still don't want to live, but I can manage to endure the day better. This forum has been a great help to me

[Brian37]

I was adopted. My parents,(my mom is still alive). Both were teachers and raised by script thinking authoritarian mindsets. Boys don't cry, you do things this way, you obey and that is it. Well I was too young to understand what I do know. I know they were doing what they thought was best for me. But far too many parents see children as clay or property to be trained rather than individuals. Combine that with my sensitivity, dorkyness and being bullied and not having my first friend until highschool, I had lots of emotional problems.

Fast forward to 96 when I found my biological family, alot of my own behaviors made sense to me. Anxiety and depression certainly run in our family. There is still far too much stigma attached to mental illness. The pressure to succeed, lack of livable wages, gender rolls play a part to social problems. We don't do enough as a society to allow those who have problems to feel comfortable to talk about it.

[ignoramus]

Thank you I have to always fight it and put it in it's place, if I wallow in it then I'll be consumed. Some days it feels like the bottom drops out, and for no particular reason, my depression goes to the extreme. Since there are no thoughts to analyze like I've learnt to do, and I lose what little enjoyment I get while doing anything, all I can do is wait it out until my mind manages to get a grip again. Lately the number of days I've been like that have been somewhat lower, thankfully! Maybe I'm making some progress mentally, if not with my ME. Although I do manage to look after my bunnies and walk the dog most days now, which I am proud of. That's about all I can do in a day, I have to push myself really hard to do very much else and I then pay for it the next day(s).

On days like today I still don't want to live, but I can manage to endure the day better. This forum has been a great help to me

Rob, I suggest you move to Utah. Mormon central!   (you think you've got mental problems!)  hehe
You will feel boringly normal...

[Jackalope]

Wow, over two decades for three of you, i haven't heard of many people who've had mental illnesses for longer than me, i'm struggling to come to terms with the thought that I might never be back to 100%. You all say you're managing it, does that mean you're not fully recovered and if so what are you unable to do that you would be if you were? Is your illness a constant pervasive feeling that you've managed to lessen or does it come in episodes that you've managed to decrease the incidence/severity of?

Those are all really good questions. I don't know what 'back to 100%' even would look like, tbh - the memories of what 'normal' is have long since faded.

With chronic MI, I'm not sure that 'full recovery' is even a thing. I have to manage or avoid things that are triggers for me (and as I've learned more on the managing end, avoidance becomes less of a thing). I remain mindful of my mood, and have learned to recognize incipient episodes early and prevent them before they become unmanageable. Earlier this week, my girlfriend and I both noticed that I was not sleeping well, and I was becoming uncharacteristically irritable, both of which are early warning signs for an episode of mania for me, but simply being aware of it and using the skills I've learned, I was able to keep it in check.

So yeah, it's still there, but it's managed and doesn't rule me any longer.

Everybody is a bit different though, with varying capacity to learn and employ skills, as well as tolerance of and success with medications. I don't take meds any longer, except the occasional benzo when I have an unmanageable anxiety episode or really need to sleep. Not taking meds is not for everyone, though.

[Longhorn]

I'm sorry if it's inappropriate to ask, but some mentioned being hospitalized and I wanted to ask what is the psychiatric ward like?

I heard some probably colorized stories about psych wards (around where I live only) and they haven't been pleasant, so I'm curious how much truth was in them