Greetings, some of my experiences
July 3, 2015 at 8:54 pm
(This post was last modified: July 3, 2015 at 9:16 pm by 88infinity88.)
My earliest Christian related memories were that of "vacation bible school" when I was 7 to 10 years old. It was your run of the mill b.s. intro to Christ for kids type of thing , singing, letting us fool around in the "family life center" , give us cool aid and cookies, and of course tell us we would burn in Hell forever if "...." you know the rest. Already at this age I had been through divorce and subsequent moderate physical and verbal abuse from a person who was tasked in "raising" me so I was unhappy and didn't like anything that seemed fake. Example one, every kid has to endure picture day at school. It depends on the kid but I fucking hated having my picture taken, more than hated it.. I felt violated because we we're not able to opt out. When I was asked to "smile" it forever changed me. I knew I could smile but at a young age had an instinct that forbade me to smile if it was not real. To this day I can't smile on cue, you make me laugh I will smile, but I have a weird sense of humor.. I also at a young age absolutely hated hated hated t.v. commercials because they are by nature fake and patronizing. This again just was part of my personality .
Back to "Bible Camp" They gathered us all together, probably about 20 kids of about the same age , told us the only way out was to get "saved". One at a time they coached us through the bullshit .. the kid that went right before me I distinctly remember upon receiving the the Good News that he would not blister in Hell but would in fact go to heaven cried and had fits ( imitating the others )w he seemed genuinely affected, so when I said " yah " the the million dollar question I was almost immediately , in hindsight, really pissed that I had been duped. Bloody Rick-Rolled . I felt nothing change, no colors, no euphoria the other poor sheep had somehow been coaxed into having fits of. I realized at that moment that I was truly alone for I would not understand the complexities of the world for decades, but I was onto something. I was experiencing the first of what started as a lonely life, but now full and productive. Why? Because I apply logic and when I see myself acting childish I try to change. Other than that there is no Christian God, to me god is existence. The universe, the feeling when I laugh, cry, smoke a joint, love someone, lose someone, play Bach..
I wish to write about a recent account I had with a friend I made when I was 14 ( I am almost 40 now ) His parents were sort of a dichotomy , both rabidly Christian, but alcoholic and addicted to porn ( this was '91 ) I parted ways with the person who I will refer to as Joe after a few years of being friends with him because he was a bully an abusive to me. He would constantly and without mercy say demeaning things to or about me when we were alone,in front of girls, anyone and anywhere to knock me down a peg.. He would goad his friends into breaking my balls over things like acne, being skinny, this guy was a real asshole. When we hit the pissed off youth teenage angst stage he started with vodka from a chrome flask his Mother bought him ( smh, sad truth ) and I went with the 420 crowd. Suddenly it was not about cutting me down in front of girls, it was that I was a "dope head" and they actually suggested I try drinking myself into stupidness every night in lieu of weed because they didn't approve and of course they were always right. This is when we parted ways. I went to college, dropped out and am now a musician and writer. Joe joined the Marines, became a violent alcoholic ( like his Father ) until a tragedy led him to take up Jeezus, rabidly, liked an undiagnosed schizophrenic.
When my Grandmother died in 2011 I was lost and had no purpose for about a year. I made the mistake of going to church with Joe ( pentecostal , speaking in tongues etc. ) a few times but told him "no thanks" after I realized I had made a mistake. I didn't see him for about a year and suddenly he finds me on facebook. Long story short he starts in with incessant jesus talk, I tell him plainly that I am glad he is happy with his religion but I don't want any part of it and don't want to ever hear about it again. He states that he can't live or even speak outside of a biblical context and starts in again goading me, doing his best to insult me ( sometimes putting on his wall because his church just this year started "allowing" the use of social media to spread the bullshit... so I block him. I was done, hoping to never see him again... wrong
The first time he showed up at my house pounding on my door, I just stood out of sight by the door and let him knock. The second time I had to politely at first, and when he would not leave very frank and rudely tell him to go away that I don't owe him an audience and don't want to talk ever again. I end up having to endure a screaming match to get him to shut up and go away. Then I thought " OK, he surely has the message now" Wrong! Last week he showed up again, and again I run him off. I filed a lengthy harassment complaint and if he comes back he will be arrested.
Joe is nothing, just a reference point of something I wish never to become. IMO when you take up Christianity any logical original or independent thought goes right out the window, I won't be around that. I am hear to learn, to evolve.
This incident was the straw that made me need to reach out to other atheists . I will never forget actually knowing by instinct that Christianity was a bunch of b.s. and fakery before the age of ten. My Father goes blah blah about J. as well but he respects my right to not believe. I don't care *what* you believe, don't believe, where you come from, what color you are, what sex you are, what your whatever is... as long as you respect me I will respect you. I cannot understand why I can't get away from the damage that religion does. From pushy annoying fucks like Joe to extremist suicide bombers .. It all makes me thankful for the freedoms I do have as I am finally in a happy and fulfilled chapter of my life, and I won't let an idiot like Joe or anything else jeopardize it.
-me
Back to "Bible Camp" They gathered us all together, probably about 20 kids of about the same age , told us the only way out was to get "saved". One at a time they coached us through the bullshit .. the kid that went right before me I distinctly remember upon receiving the the Good News that he would not blister in Hell but would in fact go to heaven cried and had fits ( imitating the others )w he seemed genuinely affected, so when I said " yah " the the million dollar question I was almost immediately , in hindsight, really pissed that I had been duped. Bloody Rick-Rolled . I felt nothing change, no colors, no euphoria the other poor sheep had somehow been coaxed into having fits of. I realized at that moment that I was truly alone for I would not understand the complexities of the world for decades, but I was onto something. I was experiencing the first of what started as a lonely life, but now full and productive. Why? Because I apply logic and when I see myself acting childish I try to change. Other than that there is no Christian God, to me god is existence. The universe, the feeling when I laugh, cry, smoke a joint, love someone, lose someone, play Bach..
I wish to write about a recent account I had with a friend I made when I was 14 ( I am almost 40 now ) His parents were sort of a dichotomy , both rabidly Christian, but alcoholic and addicted to porn ( this was '91 ) I parted ways with the person who I will refer to as Joe after a few years of being friends with him because he was a bully an abusive to me. He would constantly and without mercy say demeaning things to or about me when we were alone,in front of girls, anyone and anywhere to knock me down a peg.. He would goad his friends into breaking my balls over things like acne, being skinny, this guy was a real asshole. When we hit the pissed off youth teenage angst stage he started with vodka from a chrome flask his Mother bought him ( smh, sad truth ) and I went with the 420 crowd. Suddenly it was not about cutting me down in front of girls, it was that I was a "dope head" and they actually suggested I try drinking myself into stupidness every night in lieu of weed because they didn't approve and of course they were always right. This is when we parted ways. I went to college, dropped out and am now a musician and writer. Joe joined the Marines, became a violent alcoholic ( like his Father ) until a tragedy led him to take up Jeezus, rabidly, liked an undiagnosed schizophrenic.
When my Grandmother died in 2011 I was lost and had no purpose for about a year. I made the mistake of going to church with Joe ( pentecostal , speaking in tongues etc. ) a few times but told him "no thanks" after I realized I had made a mistake. I didn't see him for about a year and suddenly he finds me on facebook. Long story short he starts in with incessant jesus talk, I tell him plainly that I am glad he is happy with his religion but I don't want any part of it and don't want to ever hear about it again. He states that he can't live or even speak outside of a biblical context and starts in again goading me, doing his best to insult me ( sometimes putting on his wall because his church just this year started "allowing" the use of social media to spread the bullshit... so I block him. I was done, hoping to never see him again... wrong
The first time he showed up at my house pounding on my door, I just stood out of sight by the door and let him knock. The second time I had to politely at first, and when he would not leave very frank and rudely tell him to go away that I don't owe him an audience and don't want to talk ever again. I end up having to endure a screaming match to get him to shut up and go away. Then I thought " OK, he surely has the message now" Wrong! Last week he showed up again, and again I run him off. I filed a lengthy harassment complaint and if he comes back he will be arrested.
Joe is nothing, just a reference point of something I wish never to become. IMO when you take up Christianity any logical original or independent thought goes right out the window, I won't be around that. I am hear to learn, to evolve.
This incident was the straw that made me need to reach out to other atheists . I will never forget actually knowing by instinct that Christianity was a bunch of b.s. and fakery before the age of ten. My Father goes blah blah about J. as well but he respects my right to not believe. I don't care *what* you believe, don't believe, where you come from, what color you are, what sex you are, what your whatever is... as long as you respect me I will respect you. I cannot understand why I can't get away from the damage that religion does. From pushy annoying fucks like Joe to extremist suicide bombers .. It all makes me thankful for the freedoms I do have as I am finally in a happy and fulfilled chapter of my life, and I won't let an idiot like Joe or anything else jeopardize it.
-me
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