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Atheist Forums › Community › Religion › Christianity v
A Real Christian's(TM) guide to interpreting scripture!

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A Real Christian's(TM) guide to interpreting scripture!
Longhorn Away
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#11
RE: A Real Christian's(TM) guide to interpreting scripture!
August 9, 2015 at 2:54 am
(August 8, 2015 at 9:06 pm)Pyrrho Wrote: You nonexistent, evil, incompetent bastard you!*

Oh shucks Blush
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Lucanus Offline
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#12
RE: A Real Christian's(TM) guide to interpreting scripture!
August 9, 2015 at 3:55 am
Do you have an ebook format for this?

I'm throwing money at the screen, but it won't let me buy it.
"Every luxury has a deep price. Every indulgence, a cosmic cost. Each fiber of pleasure you experience causes equivalent pain somewhere else. This is the first law of emodynamics [sic]. Joy can be neither created nor destroyed. The balance of happiness is constant.

Fact: Every time you eat a bite of cake, someone gets horsewhipped.

Facter: Every time two people kiss, an orphanage collapses.

Factest: Every time a baby is born, an innocent animal is severely mocked for its physical appearance. Don't be a pleasure hog. Your every smile is a dagger. Happiness is murder.

Vote "yes" on Proposition 1321. Think of some kids. Some kids."
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ignoramus Offline
wiggle wiggle
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#13
RE: A Real Christian's(TM) guide to interpreting scripture!
August 9, 2015 at 4:05 am
Good stuff Vic.
If I may add one more:

All fallacies are a fallacy. (refer my sig) nothing more to add. Christian wins!
No God, No fear.
Know God, Know fear.
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Homeless Nutter Offline
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#14
RE: A Real Christian's(TM) guide to interpreting scripture!
August 9, 2015 at 4:50 am (This post was last modified: August 9, 2015 at 4:51 am by Homeless Nutter.)
(August 8, 2015 at 6:29 pm)Neimenovic Wrote: After much research and praying I've completed a full Real Christian's™ guide for interpreting scripture. Here it is. You won't ever need to reconsider your beliefs again.

Does the verse contradict another verse, particularly one that you like?
Yes: oh no, that's not a contradiction. You just need to maximally stretch your interpretation. Don't pull a muscle

Does the verse coincide with modern morality?
Yes: totally literal.
No: just a metaphor, chill.

Does the verse mention a rule that you agree with?
Yes: this is the word of god yo. Dem da rules.
No: oh that's just OT jewish stuff, doesn't apply to us!

Does the verse coincide with modern science?
Yes: totes literal.
No: it's just like, a metaphor man(*)

Bonus points: can the verse be interpreted in such a way that it appears to describe a scientific fact?
Yes: proof of divine revelation!!1!!!!!1

The more you know.

(*)never, EVER bother to explain what the metaphor is actually FOR. It's enough that it's metaphorical.

I have a simpler solution, that should be way less taxing for feeble minds of the gullible and the ignorant:

Do not read scripture. Just ask your priest/preacher what you're supposed to think. Then have some ice cream.
You'll be wrong either way, but at least you will have saved yourself some mental gymnastics. And you will have had ice cream.
"The fact that a believer is happier than a skeptic is no more to the point than the fact that a drunken man is happier than a sober one." - George Bernard Shaw
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Dystopia Offline
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#15
RE: A Real Christian's(TM) guide to interpreting scripture!
August 9, 2015 at 6:53 am
Is this supposed to be satire or something?
Whoever fights monsters should see to it that in the process he does not become a monster. And if you gaze long enough into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you

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vixene Offline
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#16
RE: A Real Christian's(TM) guide to interpreting scripture!
August 9, 2015 at 7:37 am
Pretty spot on tbh. If I show this to my mum, she'll just say I have no faith. I'm not brainwashed beyond all logic more like.
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Longhorn Away
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#17
RE: A Real Christian's(TM) guide to interpreting scripture!
August 9, 2015 at 2:47 pm
(August 9, 2015 at 6:53 am)Dystopia Wrote: Is this supposed to be satire or something?

Dead serious >:c

just fed up with dishonest bible thumpers
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Pyrrho Offline
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#18
RE: A Real Christian's(TM) guide to interpreting scripture!
August 9, 2015 at 3:01 pm
(August 9, 2015 at 2:47 pm)Neimenovic Wrote:
(August 9, 2015 at 6:53 am)Dystopia Wrote: Is this supposed to be satire or something?

Dead serious >:c

just fed up with dishonest bible thumpers


You being serious in this case still fits the definition of "satire":

Quote:satire
1The use of humour, irony, exaggeration, or ridicule to expose and criticize people’s stupidity or vices, particularly in the context of contemporary politics and other topical issues

http://www.oxforddictionaries.com/defini...ctCode=all

You are using ridicule to expose and criticize people's stupidity and vices.  And, in this particular instance, you are doing it rather well.

"A wise man ... proportions his belief to the evidence."
— David Hume, An Enquiry Concerning Human Understanding, Section X, Part I.
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Exian Offline
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#19
RE: A Real Christian's(TM) guide to interpreting scripture!
August 9, 2015 at 3:28 pm
(August 9, 2015 at 6:53 am)Dystopia Wrote: Is this supposed to be satire or something?

Come on, man. I love it when the target is unaware of the satire, but when its someone who should be in the know... that just hurts.
I can't remember where this verse is from, I think it got removed from canon:

"I don't hang around with mostly men because I'm gay. It's because men are better than women. Better trained, better equipped...better. Just better! I'm not gay."

For context, this is the previous verse:

"Hi Jesus" -robvalue
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A Real Christian's(TM) guide to interpreting scripture!

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