Regretting Regrets?

[ignoramus]

As a continuation of other threads, I thought this might be a nice place to wonder out loud about all our whatifs.

I have 2 regrets always in the back of my mind.

I got very good at piano after 10 years of been tutored. Now I can't even play chopsticks! My other is learning Chinese (Mandarin) for 5 years at school. I became fluent by foreigner standards. What a fucking waste of 15 years... Hate myself....

[Ravenshire]

While I do sometimes wonder "what if" about things, I have no real regrets about anything I've ever done. I don't even have any about things I left undone. It's not that I've never zigged when I should have zagged but that I've learned from those times. The greatest regret I could ever have is to look back on life, recognize a mistake I've made over and over without ever learning from it.

[Foxaèr]

I have no regrets, for it means that I made a mistake. Others make mistakes and we are supposed to take responsibility for their mistakes. Nuh-uh. Fuck that.

[geckomamasita]

I think of what ifs maybe too often. The biggest one is when I was in middle/high school I was really into the arts and I gave all of that up to put all of my efforts into science. I try to pick up drawing or painting sometimes and I'm awful now. I feel like I gave up the artsy part of my brain to fill with math :/

[vorlon13]

Only one of consequence is what if I had been more like Bill Kraus in the early 80s.

[KevinM1]

My only real regret stems from how badly and idiotically handled my relationship with the only girlfriend I've had to date.

We were best friends in high school. She asked me to the prom as part of a "Well, let's just go with a bunch of our other friends. It'll be a group thing, no pressure or expectations." So, we went, and by the end of the night we were a couple.

It's funny. Much like with my atheism, I subconsciously knew that I loved her before admitting it to myself. I used to get jealous of the other guys she talked to. I used to tell myself that it was because I was an over-protective friend, but it was because I really just wanted to be in that kind of relationship with her.

So, anyway, being an idiot, I started changing how I acted around her. You know that inner monologue we all have? Well, mine can be poisonous. I always hear shit like "they don't really like you, they're just humoring you because they feel bad about your disability" and the like. Note that I'm not saying I hear other people's voices in my head, just my own, which has self-esteem issues and no filter. Normally I can just ignore it, but I couldn't with her. I was convinced that the 'novelty' of her dating a physically disabled guy would wear off, she would see what she was getting into, and bolt. So, I just acted weird and dumb. It was basically an idiotic performance to distract her from my wheelchair and everything else. Naturally, all it did was push her away. I'm not convinced we would've lasted long term, because she did/does deserve better than to deal with my limitations on that level, but I certainly sped the process along.

The worst part was that I could see myself doing it, but not stop it from happening.

Anyway, she broke up with me. I was angry, then sad, then lonely. I hadn't just lost my girlfriend, but my best friend. The only person who really understood me. The person who actually liked and was the inspiration of so much of my shitty poetry. The person who just held me close on New Year's Eve, and time stopped.

That was in 1999. Fuck, I'm old. I had other women I've been interested in, but to a woman they've all been in relationships.

So, I finally worked up the courage to talk to her again a couple years ago on Facebook. I was terrified of how she would respond, because I was an idiot the last time we talked, and it felt like she rejected all of me. Turns out that was my inner monologue being an asshole again. She was happy but cautious. I don't blame her.

We've worked on our friendship for 2+ years now. She's basically married. After me, there was a rebound guy who only lasted a few months, then her current guy who she's been with for 15 years. I'm legitimately happy for her. He makes her happy, and AFAIK isn't an abusive asshole or anything. She's actually coming over to hang out on Thursday. I have my best friend back.

So, my greatest triumph is getting her back in my life and fixing, after many extensive conversations, a lot of the damage. My biggest regret is spending so many years away. I didn't handle the breakup well. She missed me, but didn't think I wanted anything to do with her (I'm painfully aware of the irony and my own stupidity). She forgives me because she's awesome, but she's not someone who forgets. It kills me to know I've given her ample, legitimate reason to doubt me and my intentions.

And that concludes another long ass TMI post that will definitely kill the rest of the conversation by KevinM1

[Thumpalumpacus]

I have that inner monologue too, and it makes me feel unattractive -- unlike yours, it's simply a whiny little voice that tells me I'm not good enough, but it has done damage that shouldn't have been done.

I regret that I wasn't strong enough to keep my son's family together. I'm best friends with his mom now, but back then when I was even less wise than I am now, I wasn't able to do anything but watch our love and friendship evaporate -- thankfully, temporary, to be resurrected in a different form.

I regret dropping out of college. I'm paying for it now.

I'm sure other things will come to mind, but I'm not in the mood to wallow. It's a good evening and I'm still breathing, I'll take it.

[BrianSoddingBoru4]

Two spring to mind:

I regret being rude to people who, in retrospect, didn't deserve it.

I regret being polite to people who, in retrospect, didn't deserve it.

And about the foreign language thing, ignoramus, don't treat yourself too badly. I had French for almost three years - when I finally made it to France, all I could remember was, 'The bureau of my aunt is near the chair of your uncle.' Handy if you need to locate family furniture, but surprisingly unhelpful in other situations.

Boru

[Reforged]

I've left alot of people and things behind but I don't regret it. The end result was I got the one thing that matters to me.
Everything else is expendable.