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Current time: March 28, 2024, 12:06 pm

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Ali G Interview with Abu Bakr al-Badhdadi
#1
Ali G Interview with Abu Bakr al-Badhdadi
AG – Booyakasha…..I’m here right now wiv me main man, the non other than dat geeza from the Middle East everyone wants a piece of…… Abu Bakr al-Badhdadi…… 

So “Abu”? Is it safe to call u dat bruv? Or iz Big Daddy a betta name?

AB – Please call me the Caliph of the Caliphate

AG – Cool bruv….. so what is dis ‘kaliff’?

AB – It’s a person considered a political and religious successor to the Islamic prophet, Muhammad and a leader of all Muslims

AG – {Blank look} word……… so ….. err……. so who woz dis other geeza, the one making de profit? Muhammad? …. So you took his job over then?

AB – No, I don’t think you understand…… he is our “prophet”…… he doesn’t make “profit”

AG – I bit like Jesus den?

AB – {Enraged} NO

AG – Chill brethren…….. I thought dat Jesus was a profit geeza too?

AB – He is

AG – So why such beef man?

AB – I cannot begin to try to explain. You are an infidel and are unlearned. Perhaps given time you will come to learn. After all you are one of us?



AG – I am?

AB – Yes

AG – {Offering a high five} Respect man!

AG – So Does dis Muhammad geeza do all the big-style miracles like Jesus did?

AB – {Non-plussed and irritated}



AG – Err…….OK….so ……. can we talk about what I’ve been itchin to shoot de breeze with you over?

AB – Please go ahead….

AG – Dis 50 virgins thing? Is this for real aye?

AB – Of course

AG – For REAL? 

AB – For those who die as martyrs this is Allah’s reward in heaven

AG – Respect bruv. So these are de geezers runnin around blowing themselves up aye?

So it’s like a short-cut to serious afterlife punani?

AB – “Punani”? What is this?

AG – Haha…. You sly ol dog Big Daddy……. you know what I’m layin down here geeza!

AB – {Awkward smile and incredulous expression}

AG – {winking} Actually Daddy I could probably set you up wiv one of me Julies?....

AB – {No smile and incredulous expression}

AG – So…… Big Daddy…….. from what I read in de newspapers, you’ve got dis beef wiv Christians, Jews and Shite Muslims?

AB – They are infidels, heretics

AG – What’s the deal with Shite Muslims? Are these just Muslims that aren’t very good?

AB – {Utterly blank look}

AG – But you’re not cool with these people are you? 

AB – No

AG – OK well I’ll give dat a bit of a swerve cos I’m finkin about me head stayin on me neck aye!

AG – What’s with the orange boiler suits by the way? Is dere a significational fing wiv the orange colour?

AB – No

AG – Oh. Do you get them cheap from someone? 

AB – {Angrily} I don’t know. I’m the Caliph not a bloody market salesman

AG – Peace bruv, you shouldn’t swear you know!

AG – So when these dudes……de suicide dudes blow themselves up…… what’s those fings they shout out just before the big bang?

AB – Allah Akhbar!!

AG – Sorry Daddy can you say again?

AB – {shouting load} Allah Akhbar!!

AG – Ain’t he de dude from de Star Wars films with the red salamander head?

AB – {Gives a deathly glance}

AG – OK me’s quitting dis interview at 22:21 PM………. Abu Bakr al-Badhdadi …… Booyakasha !!!
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