Go fund me page

[Joods]

There comes a point in life, where sometimes, due to circumstances beyond our control, we find ourselves in need of some assistance. For me, this is one of those times. It has been 15 months today since I have last seen my daughter. My ex, for reasons he won't give, has refused any contact between my daughter and myself. Last year, I created a gofundme page so that I could try and raise money for legal expenses so that I could start the process of getting her away from this very controlling person. 

I admit, I am terrible with trying to market my situation. I am far too wrapped up in the emotional toll this has taken and I find it hard to express, in words, how this last year has been without her in my life. Now, to add to the issue, we are due to move later this month and I find that we are short of the funds necessary to get everything done. 

So, with that, I am humbly coming to the members here and asking for help. Any help is appreciated. My fiancee has asked to pick up extra hours at work so that we can get in a few hundred extra dollars before the end of the month. I am currently enrolled in school and not set to graduate until January 2017. I am currently sitting with a 99.6% academic average and would hate to drop because of the stress I am currently under. 

As it stands, my fiancee and I had to make the decision this christmas. It was either get the kids gifts or get out of the motel and get into a home. We chose the home. The kids were very understanding and I had hoped the loan my fiancee applied for would come through so that we could put our minds at ease. Unfortunately, he was denied the loan and so we are back to square one. 

We both are doing all we can. He is working 60+ hours a week and I am trying to do the best job I can in school so that I can have a portfolio of work that will get me in the door to a job that will pay better than average. 

I know many are in need this year. However, I humbly come to you because we need funds to turn on our utilities at the new place. Our old landlord screwed us over on many things and we now find ourselves scrambling to get the necessary funding together by Friday so that our move is successful. 

If you got this far, thank you for reading and here is the link to the gofundme page. You will find more information about the guardianship situation there. Justice For Jordan

[SteelCurtain]

Even if you can't give, sharing on your social media is very helpful with gofundme pages.

[Longhorn]

*bump*

[Tiberius]

This sounds like a case which would be easy to win, what he's doing is clearly illegal, no? Can't you contact the police and ask them to help? Unless I'm missing some backstory.

Edit: Didn't read the Go Fund Me page. What on earth convinced the court that he should be given custody when he's not even related to her?

You might want to ask around lawyers, especially civil rights lawyers, as they may take the case pro-bono if they agree that this is a miscarriage of justice. Try contacting the ACLU, or asking lawyer associations in your state.

[Joods]

I haven't considered the ACLU but I will look into them. The PA bar assoc has not been of any help nor has any of the local law college legal clinics and I check with both every time my ex does this.

[Tiberius]

Seriously though, is there more backstory to this? Why was this brought to a judge in the first place? I'm struggling to comprehend how this situation even happened. I hope I'm not coming across too judgemental, but usually in these types of situations the parents actually did something wrong, because courts don't just summon people randomly and take their kids away.

[Catholic_Lady]

First of all, Judi, I am so sorry you're going through this. I am not a mother myself, so I can only imagine how difficult this must be.

Second, and this is to everyone, I know it's almost Christmas and we're all strapped for extra cash due to travels, vacations, and buying gifts. But think about it... how much money will Judi have if we each gave $10??? Unless a person is in serious financial strain themselves, she/he can afford to give away an extra $10.

I'm running late for work and don't have the time right now to grab my credit card and put all my info in for the money. But when I come back I will be donating my share of the $10, and I hope others are able to do this too.

Come on people, just $10 for our Judi!

If we all give a little, she'll have a lot!

[Joods]

Seriously though, is there more backstory to this? Why was this brought to a judge in the first place? I'm struggling to comprehend how this situation even happened. I hope I'm not coming across too judgemental, but usually in these types of situations the parents actually did something wrong, because courts don't just summon people randomly and take their kids away.

Most of the back story is on the gofundme page, but I'll give you the rundown: 

The back story, without having to write a novel, is that I wanted my oldest child, "J" to have a bond with her sister. J's biological father chose not to be involved with J since birth and I have raised her on my own since her birth.  When she was three and a half, I started dating my ex, which resulted in my youngest one being born when J was 7 years old.  

Since her sister was with me a week and then with my ex a week (week on/week off arrangement), I agreed back in 2009 to let my oldest go to him on that same arrangement. Up to that point, he wasn't interested because he didn't have anyone to help with J's daily needs (she has disabilities that, at the time required help). When his girlfriend moved in with him, he finally got interested in wanting to spend some time with J. 

That arrangement lasted until January, 2011 when I revoked his visitation because he was not taking care of J and was sending both girls back to me in dirty clothes. He filed a petition for a modification to the custody order for the youngest, this time including the oldest. In his petition, he included that he had been caring for my oldest "in loco parentis" for over FIVE years. He listed both my mother and stepfather as witnesses for his side.  There were so many lies that he had on his petition and I objected to every single one of them. He had legal representation. I couldn't afford my own attorney.  That two day trial was very ugly and in the end, I found out during the trial, that my own family had been going behind my back for the last year and was spending time with my ex. Their reason was because I told my mother that she was violating the boundaries I had set up for my girls and her toxicity wasn't what I wanted around my kids. We got in a huge fight about it and so, for my kids safety, I stopped speaking with my family in 2010. My mother contacted my ex behind my back shortly after that so that she could continue seeing my kids. 

Not only that, but my mother lied to the judge and said that my ex had always been involved in my oldest child's life, when she damn well knew he wanted nothing to do with her for the seven years between 2002 and 2009. I also found out during the trial that my sister was helping to pay for my ex's legal fees. 

Because of that and the fact that he also stated he had always been in her life, the judge modified the custody order we had in place for my youngest, to include to giving him 50/50 custody of my oldest. Despite my witness testimony proving he wasn't involved in J's life for 7 years, I honestly think that because I didn't have legal representation, the judge sided with my ex. There was no compelling reason for the judge to have awarded my ex with any sort of custody, especially since her biological father, although not physically involved in her life, had been paying support since 1999 and was not willing to give up his rights. 

Since that 2011 custody trial, my ex has taken me back to court four times. One of those was after J had turned 18. Given that he had joint legal custody of my daughter, he filed for guardianship in 2013. The hearing was in January 2014, and again, he had my family siding for him. Despite the fact that I have been the primary attachment figure since birth, the judge gave my ex full plenary guardianship. During that hearing my ex testified that the only reason he wanted guardianship was to teach me a lesson that he was "not going away". He also testified that he wanted me to remain fully involved in J's life. I still question how the hell cutting me out of her life is being fully involved. I have been through both the superior court and the supreme court of PA. Both appeals have been denied. I don't drink. I don't do drugs and I have never done anything that would warrant my child being separated from me like this. 

My ex is a psychopathic narcissist and the only reason why he keeps litigation going is because he is a power hungry control freak who is pissed that I got away from him in 2002. The more independent I got, the worse he became. He has done some truly despicable things to me and because he is a manipulative liar, he gets away with it. 

He is abusive, has convinced my family that he is infallable, gets them to pay for his attorney, makes up lies and makes me look bad. In the last ten years of dealing with him in court, I am worn out. I'm tired of his endless litigation because this is what he does when he gets bored and is in need of supply to feed his ego. Since he can't control me, he uses my kids as weapons because he knows that's what will hurt me the most. The courts in PA are the 5th most corrupt in the US. I am fighting a losing battle by having to do this on my own.  So much has happened because of him that I probably could write a book about it and never in my life have I ever seen someone want to destroy another person as much as he is trying to destroy me.

[Joods]

Unless you've been through the family court system, many people find it hard to believe that a judge would just take kids away from parents, but it happens. And it happens more than most think. When dealing with a narcissist, you are not dealing with someone who thinks about the kids. They think about themselves and what THEY are going to get out of hurting another person, even if that includes hurting the kids. And they keep this shit up because when they get bored and are in need of supply (getting their victim to feed the abuser's ego), they do things that cause the courts to get involved numerous times.

I am in a few support groups where parents are victims of their ex's narcissism and so many of our stories are similar. Up until a few years ago, I honestly thought I was alone in this. I am honestly shocked at the number of cases where good parents lose their kids to their abusers because the courts don't give a shit. It is a nightmare that no one should have to live through and I can certainly understand how difficult it is for someone not directly involved in such a situation, to comprehend.

If you are on my facebook friends list, you can clearly see from my past posts that I post about two primary things: Atheism and Narcissism.

[Catholic_Lady]

Best of luck, my friend.