Still struggling.

[Socratic Meth Head]

I came here a few days ago saying I had converted from Christian to Atheist, but was doubting a lot. I also mentioned I had OCD which may be contributing to the problem.


Heres an update.
1) The doubt is gone, but I still get this nagging feeling. My brain was condition to believe in god, and me trying to condition me otherwise is very difficult.

2) I started listening to the logical side of my brain. My OCD has been less 'triggersome' lately and I feel a lot better. I was able to dismiss thoughts that disturbed me so. Like "god's real, satan has got you". Instead of listening to my emotions, I listened to the logic side of my brain saying "There is no evidence for god. Theres evidence for evolution. Carbon Dating, Fossils, among other things. 2 stories of the bible had been proven false to me (Noahs Ark and Adam and Eve) so the rest will follow."

Still, this nagging feeling. Whenever there is a coincidence, like lately I've been seeing god being mentioned more "gods trying to help you". I would say "It's psychological. gods not 'appearing' more, I'm just noticing it more due to my stuggle." The nagging feeling goes away for a minute and then comes back.

My brain is still using indoctrination. My parents are wondering if I am an atheist, I can tell. I am scared they will convert me. My brother converted to atheism a bit ago and now they converted him back. He now says "I have zero doubt about god.". I now say "I am just as sure that god isn't any more real than fairies and santa."

I can combat my old personal expirence with god though. I was listening to christian music in 7th grade and I got this feeling of motivation and happiness. Now I say "People have a personal relationship with buddha and allah, if you believe in something, you will get motivated by it. Christian songs are designed to be motivational in nature also, with violins and upbeat, high, catchy tunes. I still get that nagging feeling tho.

Wat Do?

---

I came here a few days ago saying I had converted from Christian to Atheist, but was doubting a lot. I also mentioned I had OCD which may be contributing to the problem.


Heres an update.
1) The doubt is gone, but I still get this nagging feeling. My brain was condition to believe in god, and me trying to condition me otherwise is very difficult.

2) I started listening to the logical side of my brain. My OCD has been less 'triggersome' lately and I feel a lot better. I was able to dismiss thoughts that disturbed me so. Like "god's real, satan has got you". Instead of listening to my emotions, I listened to the logic side of my brain saying "There is no evidence for god. Theres evidence for evolution. Carbon Dating, Fossils, among other things. 2 stories of the bible had been proven false to me (Noahs Ark and Adam and Eve) so the rest will follow."

Still, this nagging feeling. Whenever there is a coincidence, like lately I've been seeing god being mentioned more "gods trying to help you". I would say "It's psychological. gods not 'appearing' more, I'm just noticing it more due to my stuggle." The nagging feeling goes away for a minute and then comes back.

My brain is still using indoctrination. My parents are wondering if I am an atheist, I can tell. I am scared they will convert me. My brother converted to atheism a bit ago and now they converted him back. He now says "I have zero doubt about god.". I now say "I am just as sure that god isn't any more real than fairies and santa."

I can combat my old personal expirence with god though. I was listening to christian music in 7th grade and I got this feeling of motivation and happiness. Now I say "People have a personal relationship with buddha and allah, if you believe in something, you will get motivated by it. Christian songs are designed to be motivational in nature also, with violins and upbeat, high, catchy tunes. I still get that nagging feeling tho.

Wat Do?

Also, I have always believed in things without much evidence. I always believe first ask later sadly. Now I am trying to do away with that. I have been conditioning myself to ask "Prove it" whenever someone presents something to me. I am very superstitious. I would wear special clothes for football games and wear hats for basketball. And as I said. I have a hard time acknowledging something as a coincidence. I keep feeling as if it were a "wink" from god.

[SteelCurtain]

I feel your struggle, man. But you have to understand that you can't recondition yourself overnight. It's going to take some time. And skepticism practice. Keep at it, and it will get easier.

[Socratic Meth Head]

I feel your struggle, man. But you have to understand that you can't recondition yourself overnight. It's going to take some time. And skepticism practice. Keep at it, and it will get easier.

Thanks. I'm considering telling my parents I'm atheist and telling them don't bother me about it because i believe what I want nd you believe what you want. But I doubt it will happen the way I hope it will.

[Exian]

I kinda sorta remember going through what your going through. And that's the good news- you can look forward to kinda sorta remembering going through this struggle. Honestly, you'll get to a place where you'll be kind of bored with the question of god's existence. There are so many fascinating new discoveries being made everyday (and with evidence!) that god will be the last thing you'll wonder about.

[Socratic Meth Head]

I kinda sorta remember going through what your going through. And that's the good news- you can look forward to kinda sorta remembering going through this struggle. Honestly, you'll get to a place where you'll be kind of bored with the question of god's existence. There are so many fascinating new discoveries being made everyday (and with evidence!) that god will be the last thing you'll wonder about.

I hope, I have had super highs and super lows and I think more and more OCD has something to do with this. It's like with my Harm OCD I would feel done at times. I feel it's all done and I can live again. Then 10 minutes later I feel like knee deep in shit with no life boat. If this is OCD the doubt will return. It really sucks the way I was raised plus my genes make me always believe without question. I hope to change that and not let my parents belief in a sky wizard influence me any more.

[KevinM1]

Thinking that god is behind every little coincidence is typical theist thinking. Really, our brains are wired to try to find patterns in things, even if no pattern actually exists (see: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pareidolia). It's an evolutionary trait, one that helped us when we were a species lost in the wilds with not much more than our brains and fists to survive with. Theists twist these kinds of things as 'proof' of a god, when it's really nothing more than our minds utilizing that ancient tool set in a modern setting.

I gather that your parents are very religious. Between family, school, friends, etc., you're going to have a difficult time. The thing about cults is that they welcome everyone, they just don't like it when they leave. So, try to be as prepared as you can with peer pressure and dirty 'tough love' tactics that theists always try to employ when their youth try to actually think clearly and experience reality. And by peer pressure, I mean slander, bullying, guilt trips, disowning, etc. etc. I'm sure other members here can fill in more, given what some of them have gone through at the hands of their loved ones. And even though they've rationalized that they do it out of love/fear of/for you, it's still really shitty behavior for them to do. Never forget that.

So, yeah... just try to stay strong and think logically. It'll be hard, given how much woo you've apparently had to deal with growing up, but thinking clearly and rationally becomes easier with time. Beyond that, good luck, and we'll be here if you need to talk.

[Socratic Meth Head]

Thinking that god is behind every little coincidence is typical theist thinking.  Really, our brains are wired to try to find patterns in things, even if no pattern actually exists (see: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pareidolia).  It's an evolutionary trait, one that helped us when we were a species lost in the wilds with not much more than our brains and fists to survive with.  Theists twist these kinds of things as 'proof' of a god, when it's really nothing more than our minds utilizing that ancient tool set in a modern setting.

I gather that your parents are very religious.  Between family, school, friends, etc., you're going to have a difficult time.  The thing about cults is that they welcome everyone, they just don't like it when they leave.  So, try to be as prepared as you can with peer pressure and dirty 'tough love' tactics that theists always try to employ when their youth try to actually think clearly and experience reality.  And by peer pressure, I mean slander, bullying, guilt trips, disowning, etc. etc.  I'm sure other members here can fill in more, given what some of them have gone through at the hands of their loved ones.  And even though they've rationalized that they do it out of love/fear of/for you, it's still really shitty behavior for them to do.  Never forget that.

So, yeah... just try to stay strong and think logically.  It'll be hard, given how much woo you've apparently had to deal with growing up, but thinking clearly and rationally becomes easier with time.  Beyond that, good luck, and we'll be here if you need to talk.

My Mom is like super religious. My dad is kinda. He could change faith with enough convincing. I'm homeschooled and I've lost a lot of friends. So it's all family all day. I go for walks often to escape them and I stay up all night to avoid them and have peace of mind at the house. I always wake up at 4 in the morning to relax, play games, and chil out. When my parents get home I do my school work in hopes they will leave me alone under the belief that bothering me will ruin my concentration. I utilize any tactic I can to escape the doubt (thanks OCD) and it can and can not work well.

[ApeNotKillApe]

It's a stressful phase to go through, just keep fighting those harmful thoughts, educate yourself on atheism/antitheism/skepticism, equip yourself with the logical tools to reduce the harm those thoughts do to you. It takes time, but you can transcend that conflicted feeling. Remember that those feelings are EXACTLY why the religion is so powerful, it's incredibly effective at controlling people, that's why natural selection has chosen it.

[Socratic Meth Head]

It's a stressful phase to go through, just keep fighting those harmful thoughts, educate yourself on atheism/antitheism/skepticism, equip yourself with the logical tools to reduce the harm those thoughts do to you. It takes time, but you can transcend that conflicted feeling. Remember that those feelings are EXACTLY why the religion is so powerful, it's incredibly effective at controlling people, that's why natural selection has chosen it.

I swear each new post someone puts here is like a new gate to relief and clarity is opened. Thanks man.

[Brian37]

Many of us here still had that lingering fear. I had been an atheist for a couple of years before I actually got on line and sought other atheists. I kept quiet outside my college campus and the Unitarian Church I attended later.

After 9/11, a moth or so later, I read an AP opinion article out of Chicago that went nationwide in local papers. It was from an atheist, and nurse who asked the question "Why are atheists being left out of the national mourning process". It was because of her opinion, I got online and sought other atheists.

I can still remember having a feeling of "What if I am joining some sort of cult?" But it took me less than a week to finally go "What he hell am I worried about, we are people too." I haven't looked back since.

The baggage of religious people, is their baggage, not yours. Now, that doesn't mean in every context, every minute of your life you have to make it a fight in all your personal relationships. It merely means you don't have to be someone's doormat.

Like others have said here, it does get easier over time. You are not alone. And when you debate remember that, if you get stumped, don't throw up your hands in the moment and go "I don't have a counter argument in the moment, they must be right", pass it by us, we will be happy to rip the argument to shreds. And believe me, I have been debating online almost every single day for the past 15 years, every religion makes the same arguments, they just play word salad on the details.