Ask an egg

[Alex K]

Did you come first?

This answer is still underkudosed by several orders of magnitude

[Aegon]

What do you look like?

You working for the NSA with these questions? 

Alright, here's a pic from last weekend when I was in D.C.  I tried to reverse Google the image to see if it could be traced back to any other online profile, and it gave me search results for George Bush instead, so here you go, here's me in the White House press briefing room where the Press Secretary and POTUS speak:

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[mlmooney89]

First you are adorable but you look 14 in that picture lol

Second how much do you like Sunny in Philly? Is there a love for it or did your avatar just come as helpful?

[Aegon]

First you are adorable but you look 14 in that picture lol

Second how much do you like Sunny in Philly? Is there a love for it or did your avatar just come as helpful?

Oh yes, I'm often told I look really young. Honestly, I've looked the same for probably like 5 or 6 years...so I actually used to look old. It was nice while it lasted. I tried to grow a beard over the summer and it actually did make me look older, but it did not look good. I don't grow facial hair well.

It's probably my favorite comedy still airing. I've seen most of the show twice by now. I think Danny Devito's Frank is the best sitcom character in recent memory.

[mlmooney89]

My husband bought me a Worst Pub in Philly shirt cause we love the show so much. We argue over who is attractive on it. Settle a dispute. Is Dee cute? I think she is but he thinks she has too pointy of a face.

[brewer]

Your dad?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aQ43Zws-Dso

[Crossless2.0]

Since you are 21, Lennon couldn't have had you in mind when he wrote "I Am the Walrus" . . . or did he? Was it a prophecy of your laying? If so, can we really say that Manson was wrong to think a song about a playground slide was really a harbinger of a race war? Have there been prior egg men? If so, what's that about and how long has it been going on? What do you egg people want? And what's the connection with walruses? Should I be concerned?

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I Am the Walrus
The Beatles
I am he as you are he as you are me and we are all together
See how they run like pigs from a gun, see how they fly
I'm crying
Sitting on a cornflake waiting for the van to come
Corporation tee-shirt, stupid bloody Tuesday
Man, you been a naughty boy, you let your face grow long
I am the eggman, we are the eggmen, I am the walrus
Goo goo g'joob
Mister city policeman sitting
Pretty little policemen in a row
See how they fly like Lucy in the sky, see how they run
I'm crying I'm crying I'm crying I'm crying
Yellow matter custard dripping from a dead dog's eye
Crabalocker fishwife, pornographic priestess
Man, you been a naughty girl, you let your knickers down
I am the eggman, we are the eggmen, I am the walrus
Goo goo g'joob
Sitting in an English garden waiting for the sun
If the sun don't come you get a tan from standing in the English rain
'cause I am the eggman, we are the eggmen, and I am the walrus
Goo goo g'joob goo goo g'joob
Expert textpert choking smokers
Don't you think the joker laughs at you ?
See how they smile like pigs in a sty, see how they snied
I'm crying
Semolina pilchards climbing up the Eiffel Tower
Elementary penguin singing Hare Krishna
Man, you should have seen them kicking Edgar Allan Poe
I am the eggman, we are the eggmen, I am the walrus
Goo goo g'joob g'goo goo g'joob goo goo g'joob g'goo goo g'joob g'goo

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Should I be offended that you included the song, thinking that I might miss the reference?

My father grew up with the Beatles, so all I heard when I was younger was Beatles music. Personally, I've grown out of the Beatles. I still respect the work they did from Rubber Soul onward, but I don't really listen to it much. And the stuff they did prior to Rubber Soul is not very good at all.

Offended? No. It's just that . . . . . . I don't know what you darned kids know and don't know, cranky old fuck that I am.

And I agree, for the most part, with your assessment of pre-Rubber Soul material, so you're not such a bad egg, after all. The correct answer to 'what are the greatest Beatles albums' is Rubber Soul and Revolver.

Now get off my lawn!

[Cyberman]

Is this your dating video?

[brewer]

How do you feel about being combined with oil and then forcibly ejected from Hammy?

[downbeatplumb]

Is the surname of all eggs Dumpty?
Are kings horses and kings men the usual egg fixing procedure?
Are you prone to wall sitting?

Responding to this on behalf of all of the world's eggkin, I'm incredibly offended by that nursery rhyme. Nowhere in the text does it imply that Humpty Dumpty is an egg. Why did they make him an egg? Because eggs are fragile? Because we can't take care of ourselves? Why were we just sitting on a wall, is that meant to imply that we're lazy? It is without a doubt the most racist and damaging interpretations of eggs out there, but it's so common. Everybody knows it! It disgusts me, truly.

So, you might be asking, what was Humpy Dumpty? Well, if you believe several historians, Humpty Dumpty was actually the nickname of a cannon used during the English Civil War of 1642–1649. In 1648, the English city of Colchester was under the control of a group known as the Royalists, who wished for King Charles I to be able to rule the country without Parliament. In order to fortify the city against attack from the Parliamentarians (the group who supported Parliament and wished to oust Charles I), they erected several large cannons on the walls surrounding the city.

On June 15, 1648, the cannon referred to as “Humpty Dumpty” was positioned on the walls. By this time, the Parliamentarians had surrounded and laid siege to the city, so Humpty was used to bombard the enemy and prevent a full-scale assault. However, on July 14 or 15, a Parliamentarian cannonball blew apart the wall underneath Humpty Dumpty. This collapsed the fortification and sent Humpty Dumpty tumbling to the ground. Due to its size, none of the king’s horses and none of the king’s men were able to recover the cannon. On August 28, the city fell to the Parliamentarians, who eventually triumphed and toppled King Charles I in 1649, thus ending the war.