I Walked Away From Christianity, but How do I Walk Away From My Family?

[Rhondazvous]

My sister is planning to pick me up Saturday to spend time with her and her kids for her daughter’s birthday. I want to spend time with my family because I know how important it is. At the same time, I don’t want to be in an untenable situation. And the situation will be untenable for two reasons.
She wants me to pay eighty dollars for her daughter and little friends to go to the zoo. I remember years ago when she treated me to the zoo on my birthday. She got really disgusted because I couldn’t see the animals. My sight was better then.

Even though she’s more mature now and has better control of her clinically diagnosed bipolar swings, still, I go where I am celebrated, not tolerated. I don’t look forward to spending the day with people who are trying to be patient with me.

Secondly, I’ll be surrounded by Christians who will feel free to give voice to their delusions. Maybe I should be mature myself and openly declare my thoughts about what they claim. That’s easier said than done in a family where exercising my Miranda Rights* has often been the best course.

Even when I was a Christian, my sister’s mood swings have caused her to be physically violent towards me. After I left the church, my mother told me she is believing god for something to happen to me so I’d have no choice but cry out to Jesus. I know family is supposed to be important, but why should I make a monumental effort to maintain a relationship with people who have such a twisted concept of love? Hope will keep me codependent on people who’re addicted to the blue pill.

It would be easier if my sister came out and said something like oh you’re not a Christian so I don’t want you around my kids. Then I’d have a clear path. Instead, they’re like ba ba black sheep, we still love you. My mother thinks I’m mad at god for not healing my disability. If I had Socratic integrity, I would disabuse them of this delusion, take the hemlock and be done with it, but I always hesitate when the opportunity presents itself, because I feel vulnerable and am not sure what they will convince themselves god told them to do next.

I think I should not go to this party. I feel like I’m running out of fools and they will push me to the point where my mouth opens of its own accord. . then I will be out there like a motherless child a long ways from home and dependent on my angry sister to drive me back to my town.

Have any of you been in a situation like this? What did you do and what was the result?

*Miranda Rights: You have the right to remain silent. If you choose not to remain silent, anything you say can and will be used against you.

[Minimalist]

I think that this.....

"I want to spend time with my family because I know how important it is."


is the sentence you need to reconsider.

It sounds as if it is far more important to you than it is to them.

[Simon Moon]

I think that this.....

"I want to spend time with my family because I know how important it is."


is the sentence you need to reconsider.

It sounds as if it is far more important to you than it is to them.

Exactly.

Please don't be the person that disassociates with your family based on different beliefs.

We constantly hear stories of 'Christian' families and friends who no longer want to see their loved ones who become atheists.

Just be firm and lay down some ground rules with them not to prosthelytize to you.

[Whateverist]

Yeah, there is no need to walk away from family members who are Christian but every reason to stay away from family which are too hateful, intolerant and annoying.

[brewer]

My sister is planning to pick me up Saturday to spend time with her and her kids for her daughter’s birthday. I want to spend time with my family because I know how important it is. At the same time, I don’t want to be in an untenable situation. And the situation will be untenable for two reasons.
She wants me to pay eighty dollars for her daughter and little friends to go to the zoo. I remember years ago when she treated me to the zoo on my birthday. She got really disgusted because I couldn’t see the animals. My sight was better then.

Even though she’s more mature now and has better control of her clinically diagnosed bipolar swings, still, I go where I am celebrated, not tolerated. I don’t look forward to spending the day with people who are trying to be patient with me.

Secondly, I’ll be surrounded by Christians who will feel free to give voice to their delusions. Maybe I should be mature myself and openly declare my thoughts about what they claim. That’s easier said than done in a family where exercising my Miranda Rights* has often been the best course.

Even when I was a Christian, my sister’s mood swings have caused her to be physically violent towards me.  After I left the church, my mother told me she is believing god for something to happen to me so I’d have no choice but cry out to Jesus.  I know family is supposed to be important, but why should I make a monumental effort to maintain a relationship with people who have such a twisted concept of love? Hope will keep me codependent on people who’re addicted to the blue pill.

It would be easier if my sister came out and said something like oh you’re not a Christian so I don’t want you around my kids. Then I’d have a clear path.  Instead, they’re like ba ba black sheep, we still love you. My mother thinks I’m mad at god for not healing my disability. If I had Socratic integrity, I would disabuse them of this delusion, take the hemlock and be done with it, but I always hesitate when the opportunity presents itself, because I feel vulnerable and am not sure what they will convince themselves god told them to do next.

I think I should not go to this party. I feel like I’m running out of fools and they will push me to the point where my mouth opens of its own accord. .  then I will be out there like a motherless child a long ways from home and dependent on my angry sister to drive me back to my town.

Have any of you been in a situation like this? What did you do and what was the result?

*Miranda Rights: You have the right to remain silent. If you choose not to remain silent, anything you say can and will be used against you.

Just a couple of thoughts/questions. 

Why are you paying the eighty dollars to go somewhere that you won't enjoy? Is this your fee admittance to be around the family? Or is this some twisted sister thought process, somehow you owe her and her kids? If you have to pay, you pick the place.

Celebrated, not tolerated? Does not sound like you will be even tolerated. More like used and possibly abused. (at least mentally)

Did I get this right, your sis prays to god that you will be punished and cry out to be saved? If correct, that's messed up. Why would you want to be around her?

Their love seems conditional. Is it worth the conditions?

I have not been in a situation like this with family, but with friends. Lets just say they were not friends for long. I have no clue what happened to them. As far as I'm concerned I ended up fine.

Do a risk/benefit or pro/con analysis. Then make the right choice for you.

[Rhondazvous]

Just a couple of thoughts/questions. 

Why are you paying the eighty dollars to go somewhere that you won't enjoy? Is this your fee admittance to be around the family? Or is this some twisted sister thought process, somehow you owe her and her kids? If you have to pay, you pick the place.

Celebrated, not tolerated? Does not sound like you will be even tolerated. More like used and possibly abused. (at least mentally)

Did I get this right, your sis prays to god that you will be punished and cry out to be saved? If correct, that's messed up. Why would you want to be around her?

Their love seems conditional. Is it worth the conditions?

I have not been in a situation like this with family, but with friends. Lets just say they were not friends for long. I have no clue what happened to them. As far as I'm concerned I ended up fine.

Do a risk/benefit or pro/con analysis. Then make the right choice for you.

It’s my mother who is praying for something bad to happen to me. My sister and mother are very close, even though my mother told me my sister stole $5,000 from her and my sister tells me our mother ignores her grandchildren. They are the kind of people who will treat you like shit and then demand forgiveness or else god won’t forgive you.

A few months ago, I agreed to help pay for my niece to go to an indoor surfing thing. Only now she has told me they plan to take 4 of my niece's friends to the zoo for her birthday and it will cost eighty dollars. We’re not talking about food and other stuff kids will want.

I think you are right. This is a bum deal. When I think of the reasons why I even consider going, they’re all about the opinions of people whose hold on reality reminds me of when I dropped a bar of soap in the shower.

[Edwardo Piet]

Just do whatever is best for you, Rhonda. Minimize toxicity and toxic people in your life. And there's nothing selfish about that. Because you've got a lot of warmth and goodness and kindly feeling to give to those who deserve it.

You go girl [emoji106], sounds to me like you'd be better off walking away from a family that mistreats you.

[Longhorn]

Sorry to hear it, Rhonda. It feels like you need to weigh the pros and cons on both sides. Only you know yourself and your situation well enough to do it.

I give shit advice, but I hope everything turns out ok, for what it's worth.

[Rhondazvous]

Sorry to hear it, Rhonda. It feels like you need to weigh the pros and cons on both sides. Only you know yourself and your situation well enough to do it.

I give shit advice, but I hope everything turns out ok, for what it's worth.

Hey Vic! Welcome back.

Guess I’ll see what the waffle has to say. I think I know what I have to do. I think about being alone, but I’m already alone. It’s just like the theists who tell us we need god to give us morals, then they defeat their own purpose by pointing to the bible.

[TheMonster]

My sister is planning to pick me up Saturday to spend time with her and her kids for her daughter’s birthday. I want to spend time with my family because I know how important it is. At the same time, I don’t want to be in an untenable situation. And the situation will be untenable for two reasons.
She wants me to pay eighty dollars for her daughter and little friends to go to the zoo. I remember years ago when she treated me to the zoo on my birthday. She got really disgusted because I couldn’t see the animals. My sight was better then.

Even though she’s more mature now and has better control of her clinically diagnosed bipolar swings, still, I go where I am celebrated, not tolerated. I don’t look forward to spending the day with people who are trying to be patient with me.

Secondly, I’ll be surrounded by Christians who will feel free to give voice to their delusions. Maybe I should be mature myself and openly declare my thoughts about what they claim. That’s easier said than done in a family where exercising my Miranda Rights* has often been the best course.

Even when I was a Christian, my sister’s mood swings have caused her to be physically violent towards me.  After I left the church, my mother told me she is believing god for something to happen to me so I’d have no choice but cry out to Jesus.  I know family is supposed to be important, but why should I make a monumental effort to maintain a relationship with people who have such a twisted concept of love? Hope will keep me codependent on people who’re addicted to the blue pill.

It would be easier if my sister came out and said something like oh you’re not a Christian so I don’t want you around my kids. Then I’d have a clear path.  Instead, they’re like ba ba black sheep, we still love you. My mother thinks I’m mad at god for not healing my disability. If I had Socratic integrity, I would disabuse them of this delusion, take the hemlock and be done with it, but I always hesitate when the opportunity presents itself, because I feel vulnerable and am not sure what they will convince themselves god told them to do next.

I think I should not go to this party. I feel like I’m running out of fools and they will push me to the point where my mouth opens of its own accord. .  then I will be out there like a motherless child a long ways from home and dependent on my angry sister to drive me back to my town.

Have any of you been in a situation like this? What did you do and what was the result?

*Miranda Rights: You have the right to remain silent. If you choose not to remain silent, anything you say can and will be used against you.

My situation is quite similar actually, though not nearly as bad as yours (sorry to say). My family is very uneasy about my disbelief, but when at home I pretend to be religious just so we can appear to be religious to those my parents know. It is a stupid thing I know, but if that keeps me with my family then great. They dont talk about it very much, but my dad does occasionally bring up stories from his past where God has supposedly helped him get over some problems in his life. My mom is more private with her beliefs.... even my dad doesn't know what she actually thinks at times. 
They are a very socially  conservative bunch so I dont discuss politics when at home. This is just unnecessary trouble. But for me, staying with my family is really beneficial. I have made good friends with members of my rather large extended family(some who are atheist as I am), my brother and I keep in touch very often, my immediate family is very welcoming and generally helpful as I am to them. They dont hate me for not sharing their belief system (even though I think my dad has regrets for not "raising me right"). 

You have to weigh out your situation. Does it feel like a real family? Do you need them or do they need you for anything? Do you have a good reliable social circle outside your family? Are you in a committed relationship? Does their pandering bother you that much or is it worth just pretending?
You have to remember that rebuilding burnt bridges is difficult if not impossible. I am not suggesting that you hang on to a relationship that you despise, but make your choice wisely.