RE: A Saudi Atheist.. Yeah, that's original!
(28th August 2010 03:53)madferit Wrote: Greetings from the land of intolerance!
I'm not really sure why I registered here, or why I'm writing this topic right now..
I've never been a good writer even in Arabic, and I can never write an intro that gets whoever's reading's attention so I'm pretty sure you're bored with me already and I can write whatever I want and no one will take notice, so.. TWILIGHT SUCKS!
I feel much better now! Back to the topic - which in all honesty I don't know what it's about or where I'm going with it yet
Since I was kid I've been asking "inappropriate questions" about the all-mighty Allah. I was very curious about this invisible god who everyone fears, and the answer was always the same: "You shouldn't ask these questions, you don't question his judgment.. you just do as he says and you'll be rewarded". Fair enough, can I at least see him? BTW that wasn't me asking these questions.. it was Satan trying to shake my believe and turn me to his side.. And I should never ask anyone else these questions (so I don't embarrass my parents), I should just come to them and get the exact same answer every fucking time
For some reason I wasn't convinced that god existed, but I'm only a child and my parents know better
If everyone believes in him then I'm sure they're right and there's something wrong with me, I kept telling myself that until I actually believed it
I was a very devout Muslim in my early teens.. Never dared to even look at a girl even though all my friends had girlfriends, hated infidels (but loved Newcastle United ) and was brainwashed by my religion teacher to love and even look up to Osama bin-Laden!
I was on my way to become a world-class terrorist until my father saved me..
Even though the geezer's a very traditional guy he was quite open minded (for a Saudi). He studied abroad and still is in contact with some of his foreign friends, loathes bin-Laden and the religious police, he was the one pushing me to learn about the world and force-fed me books about, well.. everything, he insisted that I go to English schools in the summer so I can improve my language (money will wasted obviously)
He kept saying to me "Think for yourself, think for yourself, think for yourself.. Take the knowledge anywhere you can get it from, but never take opinions, form your own. You have a brain so use it.. and for god's sake eat a damn orange! you're so skinny you can pass from under the damn door!". He was a master in pointing out my faults in the harshest way possible, but I still love that frightening bastard
He's the one who noticed the direction I was headed so he left his job in Riyadh and moved to Jeddah which if you don't know is a much more opened society than the one in Riyadh, and the rest of the kingdom for that matter. A country you're guided from childhood to not think about god, but worship him
In schools you're not allowed to debate, a big no-no this is.. and the curriculas in general are quite old and hardly ever changed.. Basically you go to school to swallow a huge chunk of useless shit so you can grow up to be a clueless idiot
And since I'm talking about education, let me tell you something so funny I cry when thinking about it:
If by some freak of nature you graduated from high school interested in something, having a dream you want to follow.. there's a big chance that might not happen.. why? because in more than 75% of the time the university chooses your major! THEY CHOOSE YOUR FRAKIN' MAJOR!
NO.. you won't be a good architect.. but we'll sign you in our custodial course for you'll make a brilliant janitor one day
I drifted off a bit.. back to why I became an Atheist..
Like I said, it was my father who tried to open my eyes to the world, he's the one who "planted" the love for knowledge in yours truly and for that I'll be forever greatfull
Those tiny little question from my childhood came back, only the questions this time were much deeper, and the curiosity too
"I have only created jinn and men so they may worship Me" Allah says in the Quran
but he also says that he doesn't need our worship.. then again he says that those who don't believe will be punished
so you put us here ONLY TO WORSHIP YOU, you don't need our worship, but you demand it.. WTF?!
Oh I almost forgot.. and if Muslims managed to convert the whole planet what'll happen then? Allah will wipe out the entire planet and replace us with non believers.. and he'll send them another prophet!!
The only excuse for this crap is if he was drunk or high at the time.. It is forbidden for us but he IS God so the rules don't apply
and I promise you you'll find all of this in Quran and Hadiths.. but it's 6am here and I'm too tired to look for an English translation for you lots.. so you'll have to do the research yourselves or just take my word for it.
The deeper I went on my readings I found more and more inconsistencies which almost make The Bible seems, well.. consistent
Somethings are hard to accept.. I tried telling myself that it's Satan messing with my head again, but the voice of reason kept getting stronger and stronger.
The struggle was hard, and the fact that I will get KILLED if people knew didn't help either
I got so depressed I lost 20 pounds in 3 months and became my old walking skeleton self again.. cut all my friends off because I was worried about what might happen if the found out
I went to the UK for a couple of months to study English and LIVE, and I have to say that those few months were the best times of my life. But unfortunately the good times had to stop and I came back to a place where I'll be killed just for having a different opinion.
Depression hit me harder that time, and I started to loose weight again.. Now after a year and half I realized something: I'm alone
at first it was because the fear for my life like I mentioned, after that and when I finally got over it I realized I forgot how to be around people! After all it's not easy living between doors for half a year all by yourself
I have seriously considered suicide and tried to attempt it 3 times, but everytime I do I hear a voice in my head telling me tomorrow will be better.. But no matter how I tried it all seems hopeless.
Like I said at first, I'm not really sure why I came here in the first place or why I'm writing this now.. I guess I needed to whine a little since nothing else helped
Thank you for taking the time to read this sorry excuse for a topic.. Enjoy your lives, infidels!
Wow. Seems we have two new members in very sticky situations. Is there any way you can immigrate to a more 'liberal' country? You definitely need a safe haven, a santuary so to speak.
Welcome. I wish all the best for you. Stay safe.