My Story

[Catherine]

I officially "came out" as it were, to my family two days ago.

I'm 17 years old and have been raised as a Catholic all my life - my whole family are Catholics. I was baptised, went to a Catholic primary school, went to church every Sunday. I should also mention that I live in Ireland, where my religion is not only that, but also my culture and background. And my whole life I have firmly believed there was a God, prayed to him, sang songs about him, and even played Mary in our school nativity play. I was an alter server in my church for 6 years. I learnt to deal with people calling me a "tage" when I went away on youth trips. This is all very ironic to me now.

When it came to going to secondary school, I chose the only non-dementional school in my area, where my older brother also went. When I applyed, my primary school actually had the nerve to phone up my mother and ask her if she knew the school I was planning on attending wasn't Catholic. I love my school, and although it has christian foundings, it accepts faiths of every kind. There's prayer in assembly but those who don't want to pray are never forced to, and you don't have to take religion as a class if you don't want to either. I'm so proud to say that I go to school that lets you be whoever you want to be, to say that I have friends from all walks of life, who are Hindu, Buddist, Protestant, Catholic, and Atheist - and none of it matters to us at all.

As I said, I've always believed in a God - up until this past year. I'm not sure what clicked with me, why I had been so assured before and now I don't believe in any kind of God. I was praying, going to church, sleeping during sermons like usual, but suddenly it all seemed like what I was doing was out of routine, and not actually because I believed. When I started waking up and listening to what the priest was trying to preach, I realised I didn't agree with any of it. I started doing my own research, on the web, getting out books from the library (which gave my mum a bit of shock when she walked in and I was sitting reading a copy of Richard Dawkin's 'The God Delusion.' At that time I tried to convince her that I was reading it for a school project). It took a couple of months, but slowly I realised that I didn't believe in God. The more I saw of religious crazy men in Americia, trying to convince the world that God hates them and that Fags are going to hell, the more I saw what I had been blindly believing. On closer inspection of the bible, I saw what a flawed mess it was. I saw it all, and that's when I knew I didn't believe. From that day on, in my head, I called myself an Atheist.

Telling people was much harder though. All my Atheist friends come from backgrounds of no religion whatsoever, so I didn't have anything to go by. I continued to attend church, hating every moment of it. My friends have nicknamed me 'The Holy One' because they all know how religious my family is. They all believe firmly and go to mass apart from my father, who when I asked him about it one day said he doesn't go because he doesn't agree with the Catholic Church and the way it does things, and told me he wasn't sure if there was a God or not. So it wasn't him I was afraid of telling.

I told my younger sister last week, and she was wonderful. She said she didn't care what I believed in, gave me a huge hug and said she loved me no matter what.
I told my mum two days ago and it was quite the different reaction. I got really upset trying to tell her, because I didn't want to upset her or have her not believe me. Both happened. When I finally got the words out, she told me that she didn't believe me. She said she couldn't believe how anyone could not believe in God and immediately told me it was a phase, and that she thought I needed to rethink things. She said she didn't understand me and why I was spouting this suddenly. I tried to explain to her that it wasn't suddenly, at least not to me. She said that it must be her bad parenting skills that are why I don't believe, and she musn't be a good mother if she couldn't even pass on the faith. She left the room in tears and went to find my dad, sobbing "Catherine doesn't believe in God!" When my dad came in and asked what was wrong, I explained what had happened. He was fine with it, even saying that it was a good thing I could think for myself. He went and spoke to my mum who came in and told me she still loves me but she can't understand me. Then she went to mass.

For the past two days, she has avoided me and only spoke to me when neccessary. I don't know how to make things better. I still haven't told the majority of my friends yet, but I'm not worried about that. It was my mum that worried me the most.

I don't regret telling her, but I don't think I can make her understand because she needs a God in her life. She's gone through a ton of shit and she holds onto her faith to keep her together. How do I make her understand that I'm not like that, that I love life and can see it's beauty without needing a God, that I'm not afraid of dying anymore, because I've got to live on a beautiful earth with beautiful people?

This is my story, and it's not over yet. But I'm not afraid to say that I don't believe. I'm happy I can be me at last.

[Tiberius]

Thanks for sharing your story. I've heard similar stories from people who live all over the globe. I never really had much trouble coming out as an atheist, as my family weren't that religious (none of them are religious any more as far as I know).

Let's just hope that your mother accepts you the way you are, and doesn't try to drill the faith back into you.

Welcome to the forums as well ;-)

[Minimalist]

Parents can be a pain in the ass because they always interpret things as a reflection on them. Tell them they did a fine job...you no longer believe in ridiculous superstitions and you owe it all to them.




Welcome. Chill out and relax.

[fr0d0]

Women have more faith than men... one very wise minister told me once, and I find that to be true. Blind acceptance... sure. It clicks for them and they follow it. Not with any real understanding sometimes... to be too brutal perhaps. Maybe too you're at the fledgling age where she has to let go. Painful for any parent I guess. Just because she isn't the intelligentsia with a doctorate in theology is no reason to put her down tho'. All kids come through idolization of their parents as dependents to something entirely different as independent adults.

Thing is it's up to you to show your love for her. Don't let what you see as rampant irrationality and dogma make you be a bad person. Be generous and kind.

Love the story. You have a gift of expression.

[Cinjin]

(24th May 2011 00:27)Catherine Wrote:  For the past two days, she has avoided me and only spoke to me when neccessary. I don't know how to make things better. I still haven't told the majority of my friends yet, but I'm not worried about that. It was my mum that worried me the most.

Sounds like your mom will eventually come around. Give it time. Meanwhile, welcome to freedom. Leaving Christianity behind was the greatest decision I ever made in my life.

Welcome, always refreshing to see a slave set free!!

[snakeman21]

Good for you for being brave and telling your family. Don't worry, your mother may not share or like your beliefs, but she is your mother, and will love you nonetheless. I was about a year younger than you when I started having doubts and questioning my faith (my story is just below your thread) and I know how intimidating it can be to tell people that you've dismissed everything they've built their morals and made their decisions on as fairytale (which, of course, it is). Stay strong, and don't become a mental slave again; enjoy your freedom!

[DoktorZ]

I "lost" my faith at 16, not much younger than you are now. It's been ... ahem ... a WHILE since that time, and I've never felt any sorrow or regret.

It's a good feeling when you can finally just be yourself instead of tip-toeing around over-sensitive people.