My deconversion story - Long
December 22, 2011 at 8:22 am
(This post was last modified: December 22, 2011 at 8:23 am by Freedom.)
I grew up in a very strict nondenominational sect called the "church of Christ." We were taught that we were the only people going to heaven, not only because we believed in Jesus Christ, but also because we did not worship God with musical instruments. God, we were told, had a beef with instrumental accompaniment. The preachers backed up this idea with Bible verses taken out of context. As a little child, I went along with everything because there were activities for the kids, like vacation Bible school. However, one thing that struck me was the way fellow youth group members treated me -- like shit. They avoided me like the plague from the start, and talked about me behind my back. Their hatred lasted all through high school. They despised me because I wanted to study the Bible. I couldn't wrap my mind around how these Bible-believing people could be so opposed to devotion to God.
I joined a Christian club in high school that consisted of students from many denominations. I quickly noticed that their zeal for knowing God was greater than that of the people at my church. Yet I had been taught they were going to hell because they worshiped with musical instruments. I began to do more in-depth Bible study, and discovered that the Bible did not match what came from the pulpit at my church.
After graduating high school, I managed to leave the church of Christ denomination. I remained a devout Christian, and went in search of the real Christianity. I explored everything from charismatic Christianity to the Mennonites.
While in college, I met quite a few nonbelievers. What struck me was that these nonbelievers had incredible respect for me and my faith, more respect than the people at my childhood church! That observation made me wonder why they did not believe in God despite the fact that they were very good people. There began my journey into atheism.
My reaction to Christianity was based on people's behavior toward me at the time, for emotional reasons, which was not a solid foundation for deconversion.
My reasoning was: If Christianity is indeed true, then the followers of Jesus Christ will always be markedly different from the rest of humanity because they are filled with the holy spirit, which is supposed to be supernatural. So when I found who I thought were THE Christians, I thought I'd give the faith a chance again, only to face disappointment when their behavior matched that of the heathens they condemned.
In 2008, I began to deconvert from Christianity. I stopped going to church, and began to explore other religions. Then a few years later, my livelihood was threatened by a relative (my family is very unstable!). I was new to the city to which I moved, I knew no one, and had nowhere to go. I felt so unsafe that I returned to church for the sense of security and belonging it offered. In the process, I converted to Catholicism.
Though I was at odds with the church because of its history, especially the current child pedophilia scandals, I allowed cognitive dissonance to take over because I needed to get connected to the community and feel safe again.
I recently began to explore atheism again because of the fact that the people at the church act as though they don't really believe their wrongful actions will send them to hell. They are not morally superior to nonbelievers. So once again, I left the church because of hypocrisy.
Now that I'm out of the church, I have been challenging the faith on doctrinal grounds, not emotional grounds. The outcome has been priceless. Until now, it had never occurred to me that Christianity condemns Hitler's victims to hell simply because they were Jews. Until now, I still had my blinders on. Now that I see what kind of god the Christians worship, I can no longer be a Christian.
And next time I feel unsafe, I will join a hobby group instead!
Thanks for reading.
I joined a Christian club in high school that consisted of students from many denominations. I quickly noticed that their zeal for knowing God was greater than that of the people at my church. Yet I had been taught they were going to hell because they worshiped with musical instruments. I began to do more in-depth Bible study, and discovered that the Bible did not match what came from the pulpit at my church.
After graduating high school, I managed to leave the church of Christ denomination. I remained a devout Christian, and went in search of the real Christianity. I explored everything from charismatic Christianity to the Mennonites.
While in college, I met quite a few nonbelievers. What struck me was that these nonbelievers had incredible respect for me and my faith, more respect than the people at my childhood church! That observation made me wonder why they did not believe in God despite the fact that they were very good people. There began my journey into atheism.
My reaction to Christianity was based on people's behavior toward me at the time, for emotional reasons, which was not a solid foundation for deconversion.
My reasoning was: If Christianity is indeed true, then the followers of Jesus Christ will always be markedly different from the rest of humanity because they are filled with the holy spirit, which is supposed to be supernatural. So when I found who I thought were THE Christians, I thought I'd give the faith a chance again, only to face disappointment when their behavior matched that of the heathens they condemned.
In 2008, I began to deconvert from Christianity. I stopped going to church, and began to explore other religions. Then a few years later, my livelihood was threatened by a relative (my family is very unstable!). I was new to the city to which I moved, I knew no one, and had nowhere to go. I felt so unsafe that I returned to church for the sense of security and belonging it offered. In the process, I converted to Catholicism.
Though I was at odds with the church because of its history, especially the current child pedophilia scandals, I allowed cognitive dissonance to take over because I needed to get connected to the community and feel safe again.
I recently began to explore atheism again because of the fact that the people at the church act as though they don't really believe their wrongful actions will send them to hell. They are not morally superior to nonbelievers. So once again, I left the church because of hypocrisy.
Now that I'm out of the church, I have been challenging the faith on doctrinal grounds, not emotional grounds. The outcome has been priceless. Until now, it had never occurred to me that Christianity condemns Hitler's victims to hell simply because they were Jews. Until now, I still had my blinders on. Now that I see what kind of god the Christians worship, I can no longer be a Christian.
And next time I feel unsafe, I will join a hobby group instead!
Thanks for reading.
