Oh dear god. . .

[Violet]

That's easy to say. People actually like you. Can you imagine how you'd feel if, after about twenty years of being yourself, there was not a single person in the world who cared about you? If every single person who you'd tried to get close to had ended up thinking of you as some sort of pathetic freak?

Can you imagine giving up on everything, having nobody, and then suddenly moving somewhere that you're completely free to do anything?

There're reasons I don't settle for being less than me. If people don't like me: so fucking what? I'm totally okay keeping the company of awesome people, I don't need some hooker scared off by a manifestation of awesomeness

I was a pathetic freak through middle/high school and what little college I went to. Now I'm a fucking awesome freak. So you're a freak: embrace it.

For the record, I've been myself during my entire life. I've been myself on this forum. I just have a "self" which people don't like.

I've been lots of different people during my life. People don't like you: hang with cooler people.

I think it's impossible to not internalize that kind of thing. It would be ridiculous if I blamed the entire world for my problems, so I must be doing something to cause them. I just don't know what, because it's not something obvious, like me being a serial rapist hooker.

Now you're victim blaming (yourself). And you know what: you probably contribute to it... but other people sucking isn't on you.

AND HEY, there ain't nothing wrong with being a hooker, y'hear!?

I "converted" my account today in an effort to piss people off enough that they'd stop worrying about how I felt and start insulting me with ad hominem attacks. I did this because I can't think of any other way to figure out what's wrong with me. Every single forum I ask on just says "Be yourself." I have no friends to ask. My family doesn't want anything to do with me. My (former) psychiatrist had no idea.

Shrinks are usually clueless. I'll insult you readily, and always will... didn't even notice the 'conversion', figured you just liked changing your username after I had a short bout of confusion.

There's a reason the only (good) answer you get is to 'be yourself': it's a damn good answer. No, it might not land you the girl every time... no, it might not land you the job every time... yes, you may infact be an annoying little prick that nobody likes: so fucking what? You spend long enough trying to be someone you're not, and you'll be miserable.

You might also be rich, so it has perks

And I'm quite sure at this point that people are going to be more irritated by this comment than sympathetic, because I spent all day pissing people off and whining.

* Violet didn't notice a change in your behavior.

I find this comment amusing, should I be irritated or sympathetic? That sounds like a lot of work.

And now I have to end this comment, because my tears are messing up the scroll-pad on my laptop. I'm not kidding.

I cried last night, it was good.

*hugs*

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common........... life's not so bad. Really.

No... it really does suck.

But death is inevitable and boring, not much reason to rush it.