atheism making me more depresesd, what should i do?

[leodeo]

before i was a christian but then i felt like god doesn't care about me and basically i came to the belief that god has his own plan/agenda and doesn't really care about me or my happiness.

I have borderline personality disorder and severe depression which has rendered me on disability, i'm trying to go back to college and get a job but i can hardly stay stable for more than a couple days...but now as an atheist i feel kinda worse. before i felt like "okay, god put me on this earth to help people and he has a plan for my life" but now i feel like "i'm just here by chance, and nothing i do really matters so i might as well kill myself."

so as an atheist waht should i believe about as far as "why im here" and "purpose in life"? do any of you people have clinical depression? what do u tell urself? my life feels meaningless, pointless and boring...i had a suicide attempt which rendered me the worst pain i ever felt so im too scared to try again, so idk what to do each day feels like hell and i wanted to before die and go to heaven but now i just wanna die and stop existing.