Am I over the hill at 26?
June 18, 2015 at 4:40 am
(This post was last modified: June 18, 2015 at 4:47 am by Razzle.)
I've never had a romantic relationship before, aged 26. Now I'm worried no one will be interested in me because of my lack of experience both sexually and romantically. I'm also gay so the pool I'm fishing in is smaller than most people's. The one thing in my favour is that I do look much younger than I am, in fact sometimes I'm still asked for ID, but a lot of people judge you by the number, not appearance, I guess because of fear you might wake up one day and look your age. I would also prefer someone younger or who looks younger (19 at the youngest), that's just the way I'm wired, and I'm not sure they'll be interested in me because I'll have less experience than most of them and I still live with my mum, don't drive and haven't got any savings or anything yet because of various unavoidable expenses - in other words I have none of the perks that usually come with dating someone older.
Until now I'd been on dates now and then but always backed out of taking it any further. My mental health and academic/employment troubles have taken priority and I was only ever mildly curious about what a relationship would be like, I just occasionally thought I "ought" to date because it was something you're supposed to want to do as a human. I never felt like I was missing out on anything because the relationships around me looked a lot more hassle than they were worth and I know would want more space and time alone than most people seem to want. Now my career is settled and happy, and my mental health is pretty good most of the time, but with continued wobbles, medication and therapy that might put some people off. I've suddenly found my sex drive waking up a bit, now that my medication regime is stable and I'm not constantly anxious or depressed, and I'm sad about having wasted what should be the most fun and free years of my life, and impatient to stop wasting them as soon as possible.
I'm on OKCupid but it's very slow going. How long is it normal to be single and looking before you find someone when you're putting yourself out there at all the appropriate bars and dating sites? It's not been VERY long - three or four weeks - but I guess I'm impatient and so far everyone I like and who likes me is only casually meeting people for friendship and maybe more, or is only looking for polyamorous relationships, which I'd consider but I'd prefer to keep it simple for now. I have mild Aspergers Syndrome and keeping track of one, conventional romantic relationship will be novel and daunting enough.
Just wanted to get this out in words and vent really, but if anyone has any advice, experience or words of encouragement to share that would be very appreciated.
Until now I'd been on dates now and then but always backed out of taking it any further. My mental health and academic/employment troubles have taken priority and I was only ever mildly curious about what a relationship would be like, I just occasionally thought I "ought" to date because it was something you're supposed to want to do as a human. I never felt like I was missing out on anything because the relationships around me looked a lot more hassle than they were worth and I know would want more space and time alone than most people seem to want. Now my career is settled and happy, and my mental health is pretty good most of the time, but with continued wobbles, medication and therapy that might put some people off. I've suddenly found my sex drive waking up a bit, now that my medication regime is stable and I'm not constantly anxious or depressed, and I'm sad about having wasted what should be the most fun and free years of my life, and impatient to stop wasting them as soon as possible.
I'm on OKCupid but it's very slow going. How long is it normal to be single and looking before you find someone when you're putting yourself out there at all the appropriate bars and dating sites? It's not been VERY long - three or four weeks - but I guess I'm impatient and so far everyone I like and who likes me is only casually meeting people for friendship and maybe more, or is only looking for polyamorous relationships, which I'd consider but I'd prefer to keep it simple for now. I have mild Aspergers Syndrome and keeping track of one, conventional romantic relationship will be novel and daunting enough.
Just wanted to get this out in words and vent really, but if anyone has any advice, experience or words of encouragement to share that would be very appreciated.
"Faith is a state of openness or trust. To have faith is like when you trust yourself to the water. You don't grab hold of the water when you swim, because if you do you will become stiff and tight in the water, and sink. You have to relax, and the attitude of faith is the very opposite of clinging, and holding on. In other words, a person who is fanatic in matters of religion, and clings to certain ideas about the nature of God and the universe becomes a person who has no faith at all. Instead they are holding tight. But the attitude of faith is to let go, and become open to truth, whatever it might turn out to be."
Alan Watts
Alan Watts
