Not feeling great basically.

[Edwardo Piet]

I was supposed to sleep earlier tonight but this is one of those things where I don't wanna go to sleep before I start to feel better.

I don't know what it is but I feel like I need a break from the forums for a few days. And maybe even the internet altogether. Or maybe I'll respond to Skype and Facebook messages but not take the lead.

I feel like I need a few days break to just cry over and over. I don't know what it is but I feel like a big part of me that matters a lot to me has gone. I feel like the enthusiastic happy Evie isn't there anymore. I feel like all the irritating and lame parts of me is all that remains. I feel like when people care about me and like me still it's because they haven't caught on what an idiot I've become lately.

I feel like each person who cares about me and is a good friend to me has a tiny part of them that knows this is all true. But it's like, they don't want to beieve it because they want to believe the happy cheerful nice and kind and lovable and interesting Evie is still here. But I don't think he is anymore. Well, I may still be kind and I care. But that's about it I feel like everything I say is a cliché, lame, uninteresting, unfunny, unsexy and pointless.

I feel like it's only a matter of time before people not only get bored of me, but find some reason to avoid me. I know many people care about me and love me and think a lot of me... but at this rate how long will that last?

I think I'm gonna be sad and crying for a few days. I hope to return to AF in a few days, maybe give me a week tops.

I'll still be on Skype and I may even lurk here occasionally but I do worry that will give me the temptation to post my inane comments and posts.

On Skype though I hope I will resist to message people first. I hope I can wait until other people actually want to talk to me first.

I had to vent this out here because I don't know I just had to express how I feel to my favourite forums of all time where all my best friends ever are.

I love and care about so many people here... and I don't wanna disappear for a while but.... I just feel like I need to...