A few hours ago I officially got a diagnosis of Autism Spectrum Disorder. I just got home.
I was told it's definitive and I wouldn't have received the diagnosis unless they were absolutely certain that I'm autistic, and it's not going to be like what happened to me when I got misdiagnosed with bipolar, I have this for life and there's a lot of understanding about it, I'll be getting support and I can breathe a big sigh of relief.
I don't know what else to say really. For whoever likes me or is interested or wants to know on AF, any friends I have here, here's the info. I got a big bunch of personalized paperwork including my personal details, that goes into detail about the areas in which autism affects me specifically, and I got a bunch of phone numbers about local autism services and a list of books about more info on it and stuff.... I was intendeding to go into more detail about it but I feel rather overwhelmed because there's still lots of stuff I need to read up on. Some of the ways I struggle make sense of things I'd never even thought about, and it's like the professionals are aware of aspects that I'm not even aware of in myself. I was told that over 50% of people with autism also have an underlying mental health condition, and they noticed that I come across as very emotionally disconnected when I talk about childhood trauma involving my dad, and I'd never even thought about that before and now that I think about it maybe that explains why I sometimes find myself crying when I talk about it but I don't feel sad and I ask myself why I'm crying because it's in the past and my eyes may water but I really don't feel sad about it. I was told that autism already makes me disconnected from my emotions, or disassociated to be more specific, but childhood trauma may have exacerbated it further.
So, I was here expecting I might get this certificate that said I have autism and I'd get support and that would be that. But the amount of information I have been given is both extremely relieving and reassuring and also a little overwhelming.
Above all I'm extremely relieved to finally understand why I've struggled my whole life so much socially, pragmatically and emotionally.... and why I feel like I need to spend so much time alone.
I was told that I'm right to not push myself to do things before I feel ready. As doing so may indeed cause me to have meltdowns like I have had in the past... and it's not good for me.
But I have also been given a bunch of different information about support I can get when I feel ready. And I feel encouraged to go ahead and get what I can. Plus there's local autism groups and I can meet other autistic people.... and hey, I might actually make some friends in real life!.... before going back home and hiding in my room again a few hours later hehe.
That's it I guess. I've probably rambled too much already. I'm sorry if this is all TL;DR.
I was told it's definitive and I wouldn't have received the diagnosis unless they were absolutely certain that I'm autistic, and it's not going to be like what happened to me when I got misdiagnosed with bipolar, I have this for life and there's a lot of understanding about it, I'll be getting support and I can breathe a big sigh of relief.
I don't know what else to say really. For whoever likes me or is interested or wants to know on AF, any friends I have here, here's the info. I got a big bunch of personalized paperwork including my personal details, that goes into detail about the areas in which autism affects me specifically, and I got a bunch of phone numbers about local autism services and a list of books about more info on it and stuff.... I was intendeding to go into more detail about it but I feel rather overwhelmed because there's still lots of stuff I need to read up on. Some of the ways I struggle make sense of things I'd never even thought about, and it's like the professionals are aware of aspects that I'm not even aware of in myself. I was told that over 50% of people with autism also have an underlying mental health condition, and they noticed that I come across as very emotionally disconnected when I talk about childhood trauma involving my dad, and I'd never even thought about that before and now that I think about it maybe that explains why I sometimes find myself crying when I talk about it but I don't feel sad and I ask myself why I'm crying because it's in the past and my eyes may water but I really don't feel sad about it. I was told that autism already makes me disconnected from my emotions, or disassociated to be more specific, but childhood trauma may have exacerbated it further.
So, I was here expecting I might get this certificate that said I have autism and I'd get support and that would be that. But the amount of information I have been given is both extremely relieving and reassuring and also a little overwhelming.
Above all I'm extremely relieved to finally understand why I've struggled my whole life so much socially, pragmatically and emotionally.... and why I feel like I need to spend so much time alone.
I was told that I'm right to not push myself to do things before I feel ready. As doing so may indeed cause me to have meltdowns like I have had in the past... and it's not good for me.
But I have also been given a bunch of different information about support I can get when I feel ready. And I feel encouraged to go ahead and get what I can. Plus there's local autism groups and I can meet other autistic people.... and hey, I might actually make some friends in real life!.... before going back home and hiding in my room again a few hours later hehe.
That's it I guess. I've probably rambled too much already. I'm sorry if this is all TL;DR.